My Imaginary Interview With James Lipton

You ever watch that show "Inside the Actor's Studio" with James Lipton? Y'know, it's the one where that guy with the really slow, even, cool voice asks celebrities what their favorite curse word is along with other stuff about their movie history? Yeah, that one. Personally, I LOVE that show. Anyway, the other day I was so ridiculously bored in my dorm and I was attempting to procrastinate studying for finals so I flipped the TV onto Bravo and started watching a marathon of "Inside the Actor's Studio." Well, somewhere in between Robert Downey Jr. and Dave Chappelle but before Daniel Radcliffe, I began to wonder-- I wonder how I would answer those ten Bernared Pivot questions?

Well, I sat down and here were my answers:

Q. What is your favorite word?

A. Bespectacled. Or any word with the prefix "be-" and then an adjective.

Q. What is your least favorite word?

A. Failure.

Q. What sound or noise do you love?

A. The sound of burning cigarette paper when you inhale deeply.

Q. What sound or noise do you hate?

A. The sound of a Sharpie on paper. Makes me wanna tear my ears off.

Q. What turns you on creatively, emotionally, or spiritually?

A. The sound of genuine laughter. Because there's nothing else that says "I accept you, I love you." more than that.

Q. What turns you off creatively, emotionally, or spiritually?

A. Cynicism.

Q. What is your favorite curse word?

A. It's actually a tie between "Oh, f*** me running!" and "c*nt." (Sorry, decided to censor myself a bit. But I wasn't gonna lie about that!)

Q. What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?

A. National Geographic journalist.

Q. What profession would you not like to do?

A. Child psychologist. Because weird kids just freak me right out.

Q. Finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

A. "Hey there kiddo, you finally made it. You gave us all a good laugh up here."

So there you go. My bit of boredom for the day. Just to prompt a little commenting (I'd like to know if I'm actually getting some readers out there) what would be your answers to some of these questions?