There are four Watchmen clips now online. I demand that you go and view them now. NOW I SAY!!!
Here's the link (from my usual well of awesomeness WorstPreviews.com. It's the last four clips.)
http://www.worstpreviews.com/media.php?id=590&place=trailer
I myself had a slight geekgasm after I watched these...but you......didn't really wanna know that....sorry.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
My Favorite Boozy Windbags
This is probably the most random list I've ever made. But I realize I have a penchant for loving boozy, self-righteous windbags. I love the rants they go on, I love the DUI's they get charged with, but most of all I love they epic amounts of crazy they harbor in those big heads of thiers.
#5 Joan Rivers
The Fabulous Windbag: This woman has been in show business since the 1970's, and she hasn't been able to blink since 1998! This botox-fueled, loud-mouthed, sequined-bedazzled loudmouth makes the red carpet a much more interesting place for everyone. With her skiving snipes at "much-more famous" actors (ex. "Marie Osmond is such a goodie-goodie that she doesn't even have nipples, she has happy faces.") she is one of those true windbags that has that "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about me" attitude. Gotta love that.
#4 Adam West
The Batman Wind(Bat)bag: The man has managed to build his entire career around a character that he played for only two years in the 60's. That's enginuity. Just plain-old American hard work. Now he's doing amazing voice-over work for awesome shows like "Family Guy," "The Boondocks," "Johnny Bravo," and "The Fairly Oddparents." And we just can't get enough of him.
#3 Elizabeth Taylor
The Crazy Old Bat Windbag: She's old. She's got big hair. She's been married eight times. She used to be the biggest, most beautiful star on the planet. And she's awesomely nuts. Liz Taylor use to be a fine actress, playing in hits such as Cleopatra, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, Giant, and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? But like most great actors (see: Marlon Brando) Liz went crazy. But not just a little crazy, she went batshit crazy. Need examples? She and Michael Jackson were the Maid of Honor and Best Man at Liza Minelli and David Guest's wedding. She acts all confused and screechy-crazy on the red carpet (see: Howlin' Liz). I blame Michael Jackson and years of inhaling White Diamonds for her behaviour. But you know what? We still love our violet-eyed diva! Or at least, I do.
#2 William Shatner
The Trekkie Windbag: Three words: James. Tiberius. Kirk. Whether you're a Trekkie or not, you've somehow been affected by the awesoemeness that radiates off of William Shatner. He was the original captain of the Starship Enterprise, he's the Priceline Negotiator, and now he even has is own talk show called "Shatner's Raw Nerve." The man is...a...GOD! First of all, he has that cadence when he talks-- who else could pull that off? No one, I say! Second, who else could also pull off that tight lycra yellow captain's shirt in Star Trek? Nobody but Shatner! The man is amazing in too many ways to document here on this post. Just accept the fact: William Shatner is much more awesome than you. By the way, this has nothing to do with this post, but I found it disturbingly hilarious.
#1 Mel Gibson
The Jew-Hating Windbag: Who better to top this list than Mel "Sugartits" Gibson? He's an amazing actor, a fantastic director, and quite possibly the funniest, most offensive drunk alive. He's my favorite anti-Semitic guy in Hollywood. He's a very resilient guy. I mean, it takes some kind of mental strength to believe that the Holocaust was an elaborate hoax, and it takes balls to call a female cop "sugartits" when you're being arrested for DUI. BUt it's that kind of hard-headed awesomeness that makes him our favorite windbag ever. Any guy that can stick by what he said, no matter how hateful and mysoginistic it, is amazing. So, sorry Mel, the Jews are cool, I have to disagree with you on that one, but other than that we love you!
So do you also like these wonderful, alcohol-fueld windbags? Or do you have another favorite?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
American Fail
So as most of you have probably heard by now, Michael Phelps the dude who won eight gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympics got caught in a picture allegedly taking a hit out of a bong. The picture was taken at a party at the University of South Carolina where he was visiting a girl he has been seeing. Once the media got ahold of the picture, thirteen kinds of hell broke loose.
I sat on my bed in horror yesterday as I witnessed this young man being attacked by the media for this indiscretion. News anchors demanded that he be reprimanded and punished and whatnot for his herb-toking ways and pretty much tore the guy a new asshole. The more I watched, the more I got pissed.
It seems to me that Phelps needs to be cut a little bit of slack. They guy has won fourteen career gold medals, eight of which came from last year's Olympics. He hasn't had a normal life since he was 18 years-old and now that he's earned his keep, he deserves a little downtime. Besides, it was just a little pot. What 22 year-old college student hasn't smoked a little? Cut him a break.
My defense for his is also this: Paris Hilton (who is utterly talentless) can drive drunk, get arrested, and spend like two hours in jail and get off scott-free but Michael Phelps who worked his ass off to get where he is gets bitched out for taking a hit off a bong. It's absolutely sickening.
Anyway, that was kind of my rant today. Since this news came out Phelps has come to the media and apologized for his "irresponsible" behavior. Who wants to bet that all the potheads in America are gonna start sending him free weed now?
Greatest Death Scenes In Film
These are the death scenes that made us cringe, cry, and (on occasion) cheer. Whether they were gruesome, realistic, or just plain goofy, they are the greatest death scenes in cinema.
#10 Orson Welles in Citizen Kane
Viva Los Muertos! It was the death scene that launched the greatest made movie in the history of film. With the utterance of those iconic last words, "Rosebud" the death of Orson Welles' character in Citizen Kane made this scene the most parodied, hailed, and close-upped death in cinema.
#9 Paris Hilton in House of Wax
Viva Los Muertos! C'mon, who didn't want to see Paris Hilton get offed in this film? I'll be honest with you, that's the only reason I watched it. Other than that, it was a pretty crappy film.
#8 Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Viva Los Muertos! I've seen this film several times, and I still cry at the end. The intense mercy killing was a realistic portrayal of the pain people go through when loves ones suffer. The real marker that this was an intense scene was when Clint Eastwood himself started to cry. You know that when Dirty Harry cries, you're sure a hell gonna cry too.
#7 Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs
Viva Los Muertos! The prolonged, bloody death scene that lasted the entirety of the film was a brutal realistic portrayal of slow death. From the beginning when Tim Roth proclaimed (numerous times) that he was "gonna f***in' die!" to the very end when, covered in blood and tears, confessed to Mr. White his true identity-- we were drawn in every agonizing second.
#6 Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride
Viva Los Muertos! Those famous last words, "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" The self-assuredness of this villain makes for quite possibly the funniest death scene in cinema. 'Nuff said.
#5 Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Viva Los Muertos! Powerful. Heartbreaking. Chock full of man-love. When Spock got radiated and was dying, a little of us died right along with him. But what made it worse was Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his manly sniffles-- when Kirk cries every man in the world cries too. It's just a fact.
#4 Heath Ledger in The Patriot
Viva Los Muertos! I...I don't even....*sniffle* sorry....I don't even think I can get through typing this without tearing up. This was probably the first death scene that genuinely made both me and my mom bawl our eyes out. Mel Gibson (all Jew-hating drunkenness aside) does a fantastic job of playing the heartbroken father, and Heath Ledger...oh God, here it comes *sniff*...Heath Ledger showed us just how brilliant of an actor he was at such a young age. Now, it's just ten times worse to watch because of Heath's untimely death and because Mel's great case of the crazies.
#3 Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
Viva Los Muertos! This iconic death scene is one of many odd concoctions that director Oliver Stone every dreamt up. With the trippy Door's song "The End" playing in the background, this death-by-machete scene has got to be one of the most strange, symbolic, and parodied deaths in cinema. Poor old bloated Brando was saddled with the most-imitated final words "The horror...the horror..." Pretty intense stuff for the veteran actor who has been proclaimed as the best actor of all time. You can see the clip here.
#2 Holly Palance in The Omen
Viva Los Muertos! Holy hell, did this scene ever freak me out! When this nanny joyfully commited suicide for her precious little devil-spawn Damien, babysitters of the world genuinely freaked the hell out. It's pretty hard to stand out in a film riddled with bloody, gruesome deaths (i.e. impaled with a spike, thrown out of a window, decapitation) but this silent, sweet, willingness to go to the grave was by far the most disturbing.
#1 Anyone who ever died ever in a Saw film.
Viva Los Muertos! What can one say about a film franchise that builds its whole movies around exquisitely gruesome death scenes. From the very first movie, when it was purely psychological to the latest where it was just blood, guts, gore, and tits these films have the best-made death scenes of any movie around. My particular favorite? Saw 3, the lady getting slowly encased in ice. Not too icky, but certainly slow and painful. For others, the giant joint-twisting machine is good, or the original barbed-wire cage-y thing is better, and for some of you real sickos you just don't think any of them are good enough. So here's you ya'll's inner sadists! Hope ya'll enjoy the torturing to come!
#10 Orson Welles in Citizen Kane
Viva Los Muertos! It was the death scene that launched the greatest made movie in the history of film. With the utterance of those iconic last words, "Rosebud" the death of Orson Welles' character in Citizen Kane made this scene the most parodied, hailed, and close-upped death in cinema.
#9 Paris Hilton in House of Wax
Viva Los Muertos! C'mon, who didn't want to see Paris Hilton get offed in this film? I'll be honest with you, that's the only reason I watched it. Other than that, it was a pretty crappy film.
#8 Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Viva Los Muertos! I've seen this film several times, and I still cry at the end. The intense mercy killing was a realistic portrayal of the pain people go through when loves ones suffer. The real marker that this was an intense scene was when Clint Eastwood himself started to cry. You know that when Dirty Harry cries, you're sure a hell gonna cry too.
#7 Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs
Viva Los Muertos! The prolonged, bloody death scene that lasted the entirety of the film was a brutal realistic portrayal of slow death. From the beginning when Tim Roth proclaimed (numerous times) that he was "gonna f***in' die!" to the very end when, covered in blood and tears, confessed to Mr. White his true identity-- we were drawn in every agonizing second.
#6 Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride
Viva Los Muertos! Those famous last words, "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" The self-assuredness of this villain makes for quite possibly the funniest death scene in cinema. 'Nuff said.
#5 Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Viva Los Muertos! Powerful. Heartbreaking. Chock full of man-love. When Spock got radiated and was dying, a little of us died right along with him. But what made it worse was Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his manly sniffles-- when Kirk cries every man in the world cries too. It's just a fact.
#4 Heath Ledger in The Patriot
Viva Los Muertos! I...I don't even....*sniffle* sorry....I don't even think I can get through typing this without tearing up. This was probably the first death scene that genuinely made both me and my mom bawl our eyes out. Mel Gibson (all Jew-hating drunkenness aside) does a fantastic job of playing the heartbroken father, and Heath Ledger...oh God, here it comes *sniff*...Heath Ledger showed us just how brilliant of an actor he was at such a young age. Now, it's just ten times worse to watch because of Heath's untimely death and because Mel's great case of the crazies.
#3 Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
Viva Los Muertos! This iconic death scene is one of many odd concoctions that director Oliver Stone every dreamt up. With the trippy Door's song "The End" playing in the background, this death-by-machete scene has got to be one of the most strange, symbolic, and parodied deaths in cinema. Poor old bloated Brando was saddled with the most-imitated final words "The horror...the horror..." Pretty intense stuff for the veteran actor who has been proclaimed as the best actor of all time. You can see the clip here.
#2 Holly Palance in The Omen
Viva Los Muertos! Holy hell, did this scene ever freak me out! When this nanny joyfully commited suicide for her precious little devil-spawn Damien, babysitters of the world genuinely freaked the hell out. It's pretty hard to stand out in a film riddled with bloody, gruesome deaths (i.e. impaled with a spike, thrown out of a window, decapitation) but this silent, sweet, willingness to go to the grave was by far the most disturbing.
#1 Anyone who ever died ever in a Saw film.
Viva Los Muertos! What can one say about a film franchise that builds its whole movies around exquisitely gruesome death scenes. From the very first movie, when it was purely psychological to the latest where it was just blood, guts, gore, and tits these films have the best-made death scenes of any movie around. My particular favorite? Saw 3, the lady getting slowly encased in ice. Not too icky, but certainly slow and painful. For others, the giant joint-twisting machine is good, or the original barbed-wire cage-y thing is better, and for some of you real sickos you just don't think any of them are good enough. So here's you ya'll's inner sadists! Hope ya'll enjoy the torturing to come!
Five Movies We Saw Way Too Young
Okay, maybe this should be titled "Five Movies I Saw Way Too Young" but whatever. As long as I've been a movie-buff, I've been curious about those films dubbed as "taboo." Thanks to channels like IFC and HBO I was able to see a bunch of them without having to ask my parents to rent them for me. So here' s the list of films that scarred me for life.
#5 Leprechaun
My Age: 5
How It Scarred Me For Life: This movie scared me so bad that I hated being Irish for a few years. Okay, so maybe this movie isn't really that scary, but when you're five anything with demented midgets is gonna frighten the mess out of you.
#4 Titanic
My Age: 7
How It Scarred Me For Life: This was my first ever nude/sex scene. Me and my cousin (who was, coincidentally, younger than me)holed up in my room right before Hurricane Georges and watched this film. It wasn't so much the nudity that bothered me, it was the sinking scenes. Seeing hundreds of dead, frozen, floating bodies isn't exactly a walk in the park for a seven year-old. I ran out of the room about halfway through the second tape and cried in my mom's lap. I made her promise that her and my dad would never go on a cruise. They never have.
#3 Cleopatra
My Age: 8
How It Scarred Me For Life: This isn't the Elizabeth Taylor movie, this was some random made-for-TV miniseries. Of course, since it was a made-for-TV miniseries, they injected in as much lusty fumblings and innuendo as humanly possible. But what was really traumatizing was the birth of Cleopatra's son Cesarean. I was watching it with my mom and she instructed me to cover my eyes. I refused, and she warned me "Okay, but you're not gonna like it." No. No I did not. It was terrifying for a kid like me. So from then on in I always listened to my mom.
#2 Boogie Nights
My Age: 14
How It Scarred Me For Life: Four words: thirteen inch prosthetic penis. Yes, you read rightly. Mark Wahlberg's legendary porn star character Dirk Diggler shows us his happy bits in the last five minutes of the film. Other than that, the rest of the movie isn't that dirty at all. But at fourteen it's pretty traumatizing to sit through a two-hour film about the rise and fall of a porn star and think near the end, "Oh that wasn't that bad at all...OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT REAL?!" Not a very pleasant surprise at all.
#1 The Exorcist
My Age: 10
How It Scarred Me For Life: Chalk this up to pure cat-killing curiosity. My mom talked about walking out of The Exorcist when my dad took her to see it, and my dad talked about it scaring him back to mass after watching it. That kind of horror seems pretty powerful. So one day when I was home alone I watched this film on AMC. It was edited (heavily) and it still scared the bejeesus out of me. That is intensity. I've only ever seen the real version once, and I freaked out so bad that I slept with my that night. But maybe I'm just a baby. My I get freaked out so bad because I'm Catholic. Or maybe because this is the SCARIEST FREAKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
#5 Leprechaun
My Age: 5
How It Scarred Me For Life: This movie scared me so bad that I hated being Irish for a few years. Okay, so maybe this movie isn't really that scary, but when you're five anything with demented midgets is gonna frighten the mess out of you.
#4 Titanic
My Age: 7
How It Scarred Me For Life: This was my first ever nude/sex scene. Me and my cousin (who was, coincidentally, younger than me)holed up in my room right before Hurricane Georges and watched this film. It wasn't so much the nudity that bothered me, it was the sinking scenes. Seeing hundreds of dead, frozen, floating bodies isn't exactly a walk in the park for a seven year-old. I ran out of the room about halfway through the second tape and cried in my mom's lap. I made her promise that her and my dad would never go on a cruise. They never have.
#3 Cleopatra
My Age: 8
How It Scarred Me For Life: This isn't the Elizabeth Taylor movie, this was some random made-for-TV miniseries. Of course, since it was a made-for-TV miniseries, they injected in as much lusty fumblings and innuendo as humanly possible. But what was really traumatizing was the birth of Cleopatra's son Cesarean. I was watching it with my mom and she instructed me to cover my eyes. I refused, and she warned me "Okay, but you're not gonna like it." No. No I did not. It was terrifying for a kid like me. So from then on in I always listened to my mom.
#2 Boogie Nights
My Age: 14
How It Scarred Me For Life: Four words: thirteen inch prosthetic penis. Yes, you read rightly. Mark Wahlberg's legendary porn star character Dirk Diggler shows us his happy bits in the last five minutes of the film. Other than that, the rest of the movie isn't that dirty at all. But at fourteen it's pretty traumatizing to sit through a two-hour film about the rise and fall of a porn star and think near the end, "Oh that wasn't that bad at all...OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT REAL?!" Not a very pleasant surprise at all.
#1 The Exorcist
My Age: 10
How It Scarred Me For Life: Chalk this up to pure cat-killing curiosity. My mom talked about walking out of The Exorcist when my dad took her to see it, and my dad talked about it scaring him back to mass after watching it. That kind of horror seems pretty powerful. So one day when I was home alone I watched this film on AMC. It was edited (heavily) and it still scared the bejeesus out of me. That is intensity. I've only ever seen the real version once, and I freaked out so bad that I slept with my that night. But maybe I'm just a baby. My I get freaked out so bad because I'm Catholic. Or maybe because this is the SCARIEST FREAKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
So what were the films that you saw way too young? And are you permanently damaged from then now?
Monday, February 2, 2009
You Don't Mess With The Batman
We all heard about Batman Christian Bale getting arrested for pushing his mother and sister around before a The Dark Knight premiere. Well apparantly, that isn't even the beginning of this guy's nasty temper. Gossip show TMZ got ahold of some audio in which Bale curses and screams at a crewmember on the set of Terminator Salvation. TMZ has known to fudge some stuff before, so nobody really knows the authenticity of this audio. But you can be the judge of that. Listen to the audio here.
So what do you think? Do you think this is fake? Or do you believe that Bale just has on helluva temper?
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