There are four Watchmen clips now online. I demand that you go and view them now. NOW I SAY!!!
Here's the link (from my usual well of awesomeness WorstPreviews.com. It's the last four clips.)
http://www.worstpreviews.com/media.php?id=590&place=trailer
I myself had a slight geekgasm after I watched these...but you......didn't really wanna know that....sorry.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
My Favorite Boozy Windbags
This is probably the most random list I've ever made. But I realize I have a penchant for loving boozy, self-righteous windbags. I love the rants they go on, I love the DUI's they get charged with, but most of all I love they epic amounts of crazy they harbor in those big heads of thiers.
#5 Joan Rivers
The Fabulous Windbag: This woman has been in show business since the 1970's, and she hasn't been able to blink since 1998! This botox-fueled, loud-mouthed, sequined-bedazzled loudmouth makes the red carpet a much more interesting place for everyone. With her skiving snipes at "much-more famous" actors (ex. "Marie Osmond is such a goodie-goodie that she doesn't even have nipples, she has happy faces.") she is one of those true windbags that has that "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about me" attitude. Gotta love that.
#4 Adam West
The Batman Wind(Bat)bag: The man has managed to build his entire career around a character that he played for only two years in the 60's. That's enginuity. Just plain-old American hard work. Now he's doing amazing voice-over work for awesome shows like "Family Guy," "The Boondocks," "Johnny Bravo," and "The Fairly Oddparents." And we just can't get enough of him.
#3 Elizabeth Taylor
The Crazy Old Bat Windbag: She's old. She's got big hair. She's been married eight times. She used to be the biggest, most beautiful star on the planet. And she's awesomely nuts. Liz Taylor use to be a fine actress, playing in hits such as Cleopatra, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, Giant, and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? But like most great actors (see: Marlon Brando) Liz went crazy. But not just a little crazy, she went batshit crazy. Need examples? She and Michael Jackson were the Maid of Honor and Best Man at Liza Minelli and David Guest's wedding. She acts all confused and screechy-crazy on the red carpet (see: Howlin' Liz). I blame Michael Jackson and years of inhaling White Diamonds for her behaviour. But you know what? We still love our violet-eyed diva! Or at least, I do.
#2 William Shatner
The Trekkie Windbag: Three words: James. Tiberius. Kirk. Whether you're a Trekkie or not, you've somehow been affected by the awesoemeness that radiates off of William Shatner. He was the original captain of the Starship Enterprise, he's the Priceline Negotiator, and now he even has is own talk show called "Shatner's Raw Nerve." The man is...a...GOD! First of all, he has that cadence when he talks-- who else could pull that off? No one, I say! Second, who else could also pull off that tight lycra yellow captain's shirt in Star Trek? Nobody but Shatner! The man is amazing in too many ways to document here on this post. Just accept the fact: William Shatner is much more awesome than you. By the way, this has nothing to do with this post, but I found it disturbingly hilarious.
#1 Mel Gibson
The Jew-Hating Windbag: Who better to top this list than Mel "Sugartits" Gibson? He's an amazing actor, a fantastic director, and quite possibly the funniest, most offensive drunk alive. He's my favorite anti-Semitic guy in Hollywood. He's a very resilient guy. I mean, it takes some kind of mental strength to believe that the Holocaust was an elaborate hoax, and it takes balls to call a female cop "sugartits" when you're being arrested for DUI. BUt it's that kind of hard-headed awesomeness that makes him our favorite windbag ever. Any guy that can stick by what he said, no matter how hateful and mysoginistic it, is amazing. So, sorry Mel, the Jews are cool, I have to disagree with you on that one, but other than that we love you!
So do you also like these wonderful, alcohol-fueld windbags? Or do you have another favorite?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
American Fail
So as most of you have probably heard by now, Michael Phelps the dude who won eight gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympics got caught in a picture allegedly taking a hit out of a bong. The picture was taken at a party at the University of South Carolina where he was visiting a girl he has been seeing. Once the media got ahold of the picture, thirteen kinds of hell broke loose.
I sat on my bed in horror yesterday as I witnessed this young man being attacked by the media for this indiscretion. News anchors demanded that he be reprimanded and punished and whatnot for his herb-toking ways and pretty much tore the guy a new asshole. The more I watched, the more I got pissed.
It seems to me that Phelps needs to be cut a little bit of slack. They guy has won fourteen career gold medals, eight of which came from last year's Olympics. He hasn't had a normal life since he was 18 years-old and now that he's earned his keep, he deserves a little downtime. Besides, it was just a little pot. What 22 year-old college student hasn't smoked a little? Cut him a break.
My defense for his is also this: Paris Hilton (who is utterly talentless) can drive drunk, get arrested, and spend like two hours in jail and get off scott-free but Michael Phelps who worked his ass off to get where he is gets bitched out for taking a hit off a bong. It's absolutely sickening.
Anyway, that was kind of my rant today. Since this news came out Phelps has come to the media and apologized for his "irresponsible" behavior. Who wants to bet that all the potheads in America are gonna start sending him free weed now?
Greatest Death Scenes In Film
These are the death scenes that made us cringe, cry, and (on occasion) cheer. Whether they were gruesome, realistic, or just plain goofy, they are the greatest death scenes in cinema.
#10 Orson Welles in Citizen Kane
Viva Los Muertos! It was the death scene that launched the greatest made movie in the history of film. With the utterance of those iconic last words, "Rosebud" the death of Orson Welles' character in Citizen Kane made this scene the most parodied, hailed, and close-upped death in cinema.
#9 Paris Hilton in House of Wax
Viva Los Muertos! C'mon, who didn't want to see Paris Hilton get offed in this film? I'll be honest with you, that's the only reason I watched it. Other than that, it was a pretty crappy film.
#8 Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Viva Los Muertos! I've seen this film several times, and I still cry at the end. The intense mercy killing was a realistic portrayal of the pain people go through when loves ones suffer. The real marker that this was an intense scene was when Clint Eastwood himself started to cry. You know that when Dirty Harry cries, you're sure a hell gonna cry too.
#7 Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs
Viva Los Muertos! The prolonged, bloody death scene that lasted the entirety of the film was a brutal realistic portrayal of slow death. From the beginning when Tim Roth proclaimed (numerous times) that he was "gonna f***in' die!" to the very end when, covered in blood and tears, confessed to Mr. White his true identity-- we were drawn in every agonizing second.
#6 Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride
Viva Los Muertos! Those famous last words, "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" The self-assuredness of this villain makes for quite possibly the funniest death scene in cinema. 'Nuff said.
#5 Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Viva Los Muertos! Powerful. Heartbreaking. Chock full of man-love. When Spock got radiated and was dying, a little of us died right along with him. But what made it worse was Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his manly sniffles-- when Kirk cries every man in the world cries too. It's just a fact.
#4 Heath Ledger in The Patriot
Viva Los Muertos! I...I don't even....*sniffle* sorry....I don't even think I can get through typing this without tearing up. This was probably the first death scene that genuinely made both me and my mom bawl our eyes out. Mel Gibson (all Jew-hating drunkenness aside) does a fantastic job of playing the heartbroken father, and Heath Ledger...oh God, here it comes *sniff*...Heath Ledger showed us just how brilliant of an actor he was at such a young age. Now, it's just ten times worse to watch because of Heath's untimely death and because Mel's great case of the crazies.
#3 Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
Viva Los Muertos! This iconic death scene is one of many odd concoctions that director Oliver Stone every dreamt up. With the trippy Door's song "The End" playing in the background, this death-by-machete scene has got to be one of the most strange, symbolic, and parodied deaths in cinema. Poor old bloated Brando was saddled with the most-imitated final words "The horror...the horror..." Pretty intense stuff for the veteran actor who has been proclaimed as the best actor of all time. You can see the clip here.
#2 Holly Palance in The Omen
Viva Los Muertos! Holy hell, did this scene ever freak me out! When this nanny joyfully commited suicide for her precious little devil-spawn Damien, babysitters of the world genuinely freaked the hell out. It's pretty hard to stand out in a film riddled with bloody, gruesome deaths (i.e. impaled with a spike, thrown out of a window, decapitation) but this silent, sweet, willingness to go to the grave was by far the most disturbing.
#1 Anyone who ever died ever in a Saw film.
Viva Los Muertos! What can one say about a film franchise that builds its whole movies around exquisitely gruesome death scenes. From the very first movie, when it was purely psychological to the latest where it was just blood, guts, gore, and tits these films have the best-made death scenes of any movie around. My particular favorite? Saw 3, the lady getting slowly encased in ice. Not too icky, but certainly slow and painful. For others, the giant joint-twisting machine is good, or the original barbed-wire cage-y thing is better, and for some of you real sickos you just don't think any of them are good enough. So here's you ya'll's inner sadists! Hope ya'll enjoy the torturing to come!
#10 Orson Welles in Citizen Kane
Viva Los Muertos! It was the death scene that launched the greatest made movie in the history of film. With the utterance of those iconic last words, "Rosebud" the death of Orson Welles' character in Citizen Kane made this scene the most parodied, hailed, and close-upped death in cinema.
#9 Paris Hilton in House of Wax
Viva Los Muertos! C'mon, who didn't want to see Paris Hilton get offed in this film? I'll be honest with you, that's the only reason I watched it. Other than that, it was a pretty crappy film.
#8 Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Viva Los Muertos! I've seen this film several times, and I still cry at the end. The intense mercy killing was a realistic portrayal of the pain people go through when loves ones suffer. The real marker that this was an intense scene was when Clint Eastwood himself started to cry. You know that when Dirty Harry cries, you're sure a hell gonna cry too.
#7 Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs
Viva Los Muertos! The prolonged, bloody death scene that lasted the entirety of the film was a brutal realistic portrayal of slow death. From the beginning when Tim Roth proclaimed (numerous times) that he was "gonna f***in' die!" to the very end when, covered in blood and tears, confessed to Mr. White his true identity-- we were drawn in every agonizing second.
#6 Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride
Viva Los Muertos! Those famous last words, "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" The self-assuredness of this villain makes for quite possibly the funniest death scene in cinema. 'Nuff said.
#5 Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Viva Los Muertos! Powerful. Heartbreaking. Chock full of man-love. When Spock got radiated and was dying, a little of us died right along with him. But what made it worse was Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his manly sniffles-- when Kirk cries every man in the world cries too. It's just a fact.
#4 Heath Ledger in The Patriot
Viva Los Muertos! I...I don't even....*sniffle* sorry....I don't even think I can get through typing this without tearing up. This was probably the first death scene that genuinely made both me and my mom bawl our eyes out. Mel Gibson (all Jew-hating drunkenness aside) does a fantastic job of playing the heartbroken father, and Heath Ledger...oh God, here it comes *sniff*...Heath Ledger showed us just how brilliant of an actor he was at such a young age. Now, it's just ten times worse to watch because of Heath's untimely death and because Mel's great case of the crazies.
#3 Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
Viva Los Muertos! This iconic death scene is one of many odd concoctions that director Oliver Stone every dreamt up. With the trippy Door's song "The End" playing in the background, this death-by-machete scene has got to be one of the most strange, symbolic, and parodied deaths in cinema. Poor old bloated Brando was saddled with the most-imitated final words "The horror...the horror..." Pretty intense stuff for the veteran actor who has been proclaimed as the best actor of all time. You can see the clip here.
#2 Holly Palance in The Omen
Viva Los Muertos! Holy hell, did this scene ever freak me out! When this nanny joyfully commited suicide for her precious little devil-spawn Damien, babysitters of the world genuinely freaked the hell out. It's pretty hard to stand out in a film riddled with bloody, gruesome deaths (i.e. impaled with a spike, thrown out of a window, decapitation) but this silent, sweet, willingness to go to the grave was by far the most disturbing.
#1 Anyone who ever died ever in a Saw film.
Viva Los Muertos! What can one say about a film franchise that builds its whole movies around exquisitely gruesome death scenes. From the very first movie, when it was purely psychological to the latest where it was just blood, guts, gore, and tits these films have the best-made death scenes of any movie around. My particular favorite? Saw 3, the lady getting slowly encased in ice. Not too icky, but certainly slow and painful. For others, the giant joint-twisting machine is good, or the original barbed-wire cage-y thing is better, and for some of you real sickos you just don't think any of them are good enough. So here's you ya'll's inner sadists! Hope ya'll enjoy the torturing to come!
Five Movies We Saw Way Too Young
Okay, maybe this should be titled "Five Movies I Saw Way Too Young" but whatever. As long as I've been a movie-buff, I've been curious about those films dubbed as "taboo." Thanks to channels like IFC and HBO I was able to see a bunch of them without having to ask my parents to rent them for me. So here' s the list of films that scarred me for life.
#5 Leprechaun
My Age: 5
How It Scarred Me For Life: This movie scared me so bad that I hated being Irish for a few years. Okay, so maybe this movie isn't really that scary, but when you're five anything with demented midgets is gonna frighten the mess out of you.
#4 Titanic
My Age: 7
How It Scarred Me For Life: This was my first ever nude/sex scene. Me and my cousin (who was, coincidentally, younger than me)holed up in my room right before Hurricane Georges and watched this film. It wasn't so much the nudity that bothered me, it was the sinking scenes. Seeing hundreds of dead, frozen, floating bodies isn't exactly a walk in the park for a seven year-old. I ran out of the room about halfway through the second tape and cried in my mom's lap. I made her promise that her and my dad would never go on a cruise. They never have.
#3 Cleopatra
My Age: 8
How It Scarred Me For Life: This isn't the Elizabeth Taylor movie, this was some random made-for-TV miniseries. Of course, since it was a made-for-TV miniseries, they injected in as much lusty fumblings and innuendo as humanly possible. But what was really traumatizing was the birth of Cleopatra's son Cesarean. I was watching it with my mom and she instructed me to cover my eyes. I refused, and she warned me "Okay, but you're not gonna like it." No. No I did not. It was terrifying for a kid like me. So from then on in I always listened to my mom.
#2 Boogie Nights
My Age: 14
How It Scarred Me For Life: Four words: thirteen inch prosthetic penis. Yes, you read rightly. Mark Wahlberg's legendary porn star character Dirk Diggler shows us his happy bits in the last five minutes of the film. Other than that, the rest of the movie isn't that dirty at all. But at fourteen it's pretty traumatizing to sit through a two-hour film about the rise and fall of a porn star and think near the end, "Oh that wasn't that bad at all...OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT REAL?!" Not a very pleasant surprise at all.
#1 The Exorcist
My Age: 10
How It Scarred Me For Life: Chalk this up to pure cat-killing curiosity. My mom talked about walking out of The Exorcist when my dad took her to see it, and my dad talked about it scaring him back to mass after watching it. That kind of horror seems pretty powerful. So one day when I was home alone I watched this film on AMC. It was edited (heavily) and it still scared the bejeesus out of me. That is intensity. I've only ever seen the real version once, and I freaked out so bad that I slept with my that night. But maybe I'm just a baby. My I get freaked out so bad because I'm Catholic. Or maybe because this is the SCARIEST FREAKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
#5 Leprechaun
My Age: 5
How It Scarred Me For Life: This movie scared me so bad that I hated being Irish for a few years. Okay, so maybe this movie isn't really that scary, but when you're five anything with demented midgets is gonna frighten the mess out of you.
#4 Titanic
My Age: 7
How It Scarred Me For Life: This was my first ever nude/sex scene. Me and my cousin (who was, coincidentally, younger than me)holed up in my room right before Hurricane Georges and watched this film. It wasn't so much the nudity that bothered me, it was the sinking scenes. Seeing hundreds of dead, frozen, floating bodies isn't exactly a walk in the park for a seven year-old. I ran out of the room about halfway through the second tape and cried in my mom's lap. I made her promise that her and my dad would never go on a cruise. They never have.
#3 Cleopatra
My Age: 8
How It Scarred Me For Life: This isn't the Elizabeth Taylor movie, this was some random made-for-TV miniseries. Of course, since it was a made-for-TV miniseries, they injected in as much lusty fumblings and innuendo as humanly possible. But what was really traumatizing was the birth of Cleopatra's son Cesarean. I was watching it with my mom and she instructed me to cover my eyes. I refused, and she warned me "Okay, but you're not gonna like it." No. No I did not. It was terrifying for a kid like me. So from then on in I always listened to my mom.
#2 Boogie Nights
My Age: 14
How It Scarred Me For Life: Four words: thirteen inch prosthetic penis. Yes, you read rightly. Mark Wahlberg's legendary porn star character Dirk Diggler shows us his happy bits in the last five minutes of the film. Other than that, the rest of the movie isn't that dirty at all. But at fourteen it's pretty traumatizing to sit through a two-hour film about the rise and fall of a porn star and think near the end, "Oh that wasn't that bad at all...OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT REAL?!" Not a very pleasant surprise at all.
#1 The Exorcist
My Age: 10
How It Scarred Me For Life: Chalk this up to pure cat-killing curiosity. My mom talked about walking out of The Exorcist when my dad took her to see it, and my dad talked about it scaring him back to mass after watching it. That kind of horror seems pretty powerful. So one day when I was home alone I watched this film on AMC. It was edited (heavily) and it still scared the bejeesus out of me. That is intensity. I've only ever seen the real version once, and I freaked out so bad that I slept with my that night. But maybe I'm just a baby. My I get freaked out so bad because I'm Catholic. Or maybe because this is the SCARIEST FREAKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
So what were the films that you saw way too young? And are you permanently damaged from then now?
Monday, February 2, 2009
You Don't Mess With The Batman
We all heard about Batman Christian Bale getting arrested for pushing his mother and sister around before a The Dark Knight premiere. Well apparantly, that isn't even the beginning of this guy's nasty temper. Gossip show TMZ got ahold of some audio in which Bale curses and screams at a crewmember on the set of Terminator Salvation. TMZ has known to fudge some stuff before, so nobody really knows the authenticity of this audio. But you can be the judge of that. Listen to the audio here.
So what do you think? Do you think this is fake? Or do you believe that Bale just has on helluva temper?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
WTF: The Comedian Is On Grey's Anatomy
So, last Thursday I sat down to my usual viewing of "The Office." It was a fantastically hilarious episode, as usual (see, "Hilary Swank: Hot or Not" debate,) but after it was over I was bored and had nothing else to do. One of my suitemates was off studying somewhere, and the other was doing her usual thing of partying and debauchery. Well, I picked myself up and walked myself next door to my friend KP's room. When I walked in, I discovered that she was immersed in an episode of "Grey's Anatomy." Now, I'm one of the few vagina-possessing creatures that doesn't really like this show. I find it unrealistic in that icky way. I myself have never had a smoking-hot doctor, nor have anyone I ever known ever gotten laid by their hot lady doctors.
But I digress.
I decided to watch anyway, and had KP talk me through what was happening. Which basically went like this:
"Okay, so he was a patient of hers and they fell in love and then he died... And now she's seeing his ghost and they slept together, although I don't know how you can sleep with a ghost... Oh and this kid is dying 'cause he can't get organs and I think he dies at the end of this episode... But anyway, this guy is in prison and he got sick and now she's taking care of him... Oh but the ghost guy is coming back for her cause it's like her time y'know what I'm saying?"
But again, I digress.
Anyway, while I was trying to muscle my way past Katharing Heigl's bad acting, I noticed that her ghostly lover was in fact Jeffrey Dean Morgan-- the guy who plays the Comedian in the upcoming Watchmen film! How awkward is that? Upon realizing this, I simply turned around to KP and said, "Y'know they killed him off to give him an actual acting career right?" Which was kinda mean.
But it is quite odd that he went from being the "sensitive, dying guy" to a total badass, cigar-smoking, manly hot, vigilante. Given his semi-pained look throughout the episode, I think he fits in more with the latter. All I can say is thank God for Zack Snyder and Warner Brothers for pulling him out of that dreck that is "Grey's Anatomy."
So that was your "WTF Moment of the Day."
Monday, January 26, 2009
Random Fact of the Day
Chinese filmmakers in Hong Kong are preparing to make the world's first 3-D pornographic film. The film, which is entitled 3-D Sex and Zen, will be released to wide audiences in China. It is budgeted for $4 million and is projected to be released in April.
Hmm...
Well, I guess since China is leading the world's economy and industry right now that they have a lot of extra money to spend on crap like this.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Oscar Nominations Are Here!
It's Oscar time ladies and gentlemen! It's been a long and arduous journey for some, while for others this is just another day at the rodeo. But this Oscar night is shaping up to be a great one! Here are the nominations for the main categories, my predictions for winners, my fantasy picks, and who I thought got snubbed.
Best Picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Director:
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionare)
David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Stephen Daldry (The Reader)
Projected Win: Danny Boyle
My Pick: David Fincher
Epic Snub: Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight)
Best Actor:
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Sean Penn
My Pick: Mickey Rourke
Epic Snub: I don't really have one.
Best Actress:
Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Projected Win: Kate Winslet
My Pick: Kate Winslet
Epic Snub: Cate Blanchette (The Curious Case of Benjamin)
Best Supporting Actor:
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Josh Brolin (Milk)
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Michael Shannon (The Reader)
Projected Win: Heath Ledger
My Pick: I'm calling this a tie between Heath and Robert Downey Jr.
Epic Snub: James Franco (Pineapple Express)
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Marisa Tomei
My Pick: Penelope Cruz
Epic Snub: Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road)
Best Original Screenplay:
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
WALL-E
Milk
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: In Bruges
Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Animated Feature:
WALL-E
Bolt
Kung-Fu Panda
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: Kung-Fu Panda
Best Picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Director:
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionare)
David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Stephen Daldry (The Reader)
Projected Win: Danny Boyle
My Pick: David Fincher
Epic Snub: Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight)
Best Actor:
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Sean Penn
My Pick: Mickey Rourke
Epic Snub: I don't really have one.
Best Actress:
Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Projected Win: Kate Winslet
My Pick: Kate Winslet
Epic Snub: Cate Blanchette (The Curious Case of Benjamin)
Best Supporting Actor:
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Josh Brolin (Milk)
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Michael Shannon (The Reader)
Projected Win: Heath Ledger
My Pick: I'm calling this a tie between Heath and Robert Downey Jr.
Epic Snub: James Franco (Pineapple Express)
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Marisa Tomei
My Pick: Penelope Cruz
Epic Snub: Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road)
Best Original Screenplay:
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
WALL-E
Milk
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: In Bruges
Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Animated Feature:
WALL-E
Bolt
Kung-Fu Panda
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: Kung-Fu Panda
Five Best Guilty Pleasure TV Shows
There are certain things that people enjoy that they don't want other people to know about. Take for example, Rick Astley. He's an annoying little British ginger kid who just happen to make one of the catchiest tunes of the eighties. Everyone loves "Never Gonna Give You Up." Absolutely everyone. Chuck Norris listens to it while he's having sex, that's how good it is to get Rick-rolled. But I digress. Rick Astley is a prime example of a "guilty pleasure," something that everyone loves but they just won't admit to it. Television is a land that is chock full of guilty pleasures that are just waiting to be mined and used by the masses of viewers! Here are a few of the best guilty pleasure shows on television:
#5 "Metalocalypse"
Spinal Tap For The Youngins: I was watching this on Adult Swim one night when my roommate came in from work, stopped, stared at the TV for a few seconds, and then turned to me and said: "What the hell are you watching?" Naturally I flipped the channel and said, "Nothing, I was just flipping through." That should say enought about this show. "Metalocalypse" is so utterly vile, so demented, so violent, that one has to be a little nutsy (or a massive metal fan) to be able to understand and enjoy it. I'm such a fan to this show that I even have the fictional band's real album-- Dethklok, the Dethablum. Pretty sad, huh?
#4 "Law and Order: SVU"
Kinda Like "CSI: Miami," Only No Horatio: And what kind of murder/rape-crime show is complete without Horatio, you ask? Well my answer is one that replaces him with Ice-T, Jayne Mansfield's daughter, a kinda-hot older dude, a gay Asian pychiatrist, Short-Skirt Lawyer Lady, and the most neurotic Jewish guy alive (right behind Woody Allen) Richard Belzer. This show is sometimes so self-righteous, so serious, that it makes fun of itself. But that's not what makes this a guilty pleasure. What makes this a guilty pleasure is the fact that when there's a marathon on USA, you have to watch. You just have to. And when you're done, the mentality you have is "Dude, I could totally get away with a crime now! I know exactly what not to do!" Admit it-- we've all thought that way at least once after watching a crime show.
#3 "America's Next Top Model"
FIERCE! Oh, Tyra Banks...where would we be today without your knowledge? You taught us how to "smile with your eyes" and how to be rockin' and fierce! You and your cohorts like the Jays gave us so many memorable lines, such as:
#2 Vintage Cartoons
How Did They Get Away With That? Remember those halcyon days of old? Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of Froot-Loops and your cartoon friends to keep you company...ah, yes, those were the good old days. Growing up, our generation had the best cartoons to go on: "Cow and Chicken," "Captain Planet," "Spongebob Squarepants," "Powerpuff Girls," "Batman: The Animated Series," "Johnny Bravo," "Dexter's Laboratory," "June Bugs," so on and so forth. But the great thing about these cartoons is that they're still funny to this day! I sat all Monday and watch a twenty-four hour "Powerpuff Girl" marathon and laughed my ass off the entire time. Of course, I'd never admit that to any of my fellow college students. The best part about old cartoons is that now that we're older, we catch subtle innuendos that we never would have when we were young. Some of the stuff in these cartoons just made me go "How the heck did they get away with that?"
#1 "Rock of Love With Bret Michaels"
Dirty, Dirty Awesomeness: What can I say? I love skanky hoes trying to get with an aging rock star with bad extensions! This show is so utterly terrible and vile that it is playing a key role in the downfall of Western civilation itself-- but it's so damn addictive! Over three seasons, we've had strippers, porn stars, rodeo girls, and "innocent" girls all vye for the heart of former Poison frontman Bret Michaels. Of course, there have been catfights. One or two girls may have been called a "d***sucker whorebag" on a few occasions. There have beens drunken debauches and many of those black-bar things scattered across bare boobs on-screen. And sure, after we watch it we feel as if we need a shower to wash off all the mainstream, corporate, mind-numbing dreck of it all. But man, we just wanna find out if Bret's ever gonna find true love or not. The utter stupidity and whoreishness of "Rock of Love" is what earns this show the number one spot.
#5 "Metalocalypse"
Spinal Tap For The Youngins: I was watching this on Adult Swim one night when my roommate came in from work, stopped, stared at the TV for a few seconds, and then turned to me and said: "What the hell are you watching?" Naturally I flipped the channel and said, "Nothing, I was just flipping through." That should say enought about this show. "Metalocalypse" is so utterly vile, so demented, so violent, that one has to be a little nutsy (or a massive metal fan) to be able to understand and enjoy it. I'm such a fan to this show that I even have the fictional band's real album-- Dethklok, the Dethablum. Pretty sad, huh?
#4 "Law and Order: SVU"
Kinda Like "CSI: Miami," Only No Horatio: And what kind of murder/rape-crime show is complete without Horatio, you ask? Well my answer is one that replaces him with Ice-T, Jayne Mansfield's daughter, a kinda-hot older dude, a gay Asian pychiatrist, Short-Skirt Lawyer Lady, and the most neurotic Jewish guy alive (right behind Woody Allen) Richard Belzer. This show is sometimes so self-righteous, so serious, that it makes fun of itself. But that's not what makes this a guilty pleasure. What makes this a guilty pleasure is the fact that when there's a marathon on USA, you have to watch. You just have to. And when you're done, the mentality you have is "Dude, I could totally get away with a crime now! I know exactly what not to do!" Admit it-- we've all thought that way at least once after watching a crime show.
#3 "America's Next Top Model"
FIERCE! Oh, Tyra Banks...where would we be today without your knowledge? You taught us how to "smile with your eyes" and how to be rockin' and fierce! You and your cohorts like the Jays gave us so many memorable lines, such as:
"Girl, work it like it's on sale and the rent is due tomorrow!"
Oh, and who can ever forget those ever-memorable Tyra freak outs? Like in Cycle 6 when you went ape-shit on Tiffany. Don't these skinny bitches know to never talk back to the Red Weave of Death? Oh, and the Jays-- the two most flamboyantly, flaming homosexuals in television history. How we love them. Mr. Jay with his fabulous Oompa-Loompa orange tan and silver hair and Miss J with his/her gorgeous walks and ghetto fabulosity. All this culminates into one big, fat, luxurious camp shake that we just enjoy slurping up. In fact, ANTM is so over-the-top, so self-righteous, so Tyra-centered, that's what makes it a fantastic guilty pleasure.
#2 Vintage Cartoons
How Did They Get Away With That? Remember those halcyon days of old? Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of Froot-Loops and your cartoon friends to keep you company...ah, yes, those were the good old days. Growing up, our generation had the best cartoons to go on: "Cow and Chicken," "Captain Planet," "Spongebob Squarepants," "Powerpuff Girls," "Batman: The Animated Series," "Johnny Bravo," "Dexter's Laboratory," "June Bugs," so on and so forth. But the great thing about these cartoons is that they're still funny to this day! I sat all Monday and watch a twenty-four hour "Powerpuff Girl" marathon and laughed my ass off the entire time. Of course, I'd never admit that to any of my fellow college students. The best part about old cartoons is that now that we're older, we catch subtle innuendos that we never would have when we were young. Some of the stuff in these cartoons just made me go "How the heck did they get away with that?"
#1 "Rock of Love With Bret Michaels"
Dirty, Dirty Awesomeness: What can I say? I love skanky hoes trying to get with an aging rock star with bad extensions! This show is so utterly terrible and vile that it is playing a key role in the downfall of Western civilation itself-- but it's so damn addictive! Over three seasons, we've had strippers, porn stars, rodeo girls, and "innocent" girls all vye for the heart of former Poison frontman Bret Michaels. Of course, there have been catfights. One or two girls may have been called a "d***sucker whorebag" on a few occasions. There have beens drunken debauches and many of those black-bar things scattered across bare boobs on-screen. And sure, after we watch it we feel as if we need a shower to wash off all the mainstream, corporate, mind-numbing dreck of it all. But man, we just wanna find out if Bret's ever gonna find true love or not. The utter stupidity and whoreishness of "Rock of Love" is what earns this show the number one spot.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Ten Great Foreign Films
For years, other countries have led the way in filmmaking. During a time when kissing wasn't even allowed on American screens, European countries were making films like I Am Curious (Yellow) and Ecstasy. In a modern period of so-called "American Horror" filmmaking, the asians are making some of the scariest films ever dreamt up. Yes, it seems that foreign filmmakers are always a step ahead of American filmmakers. Here is a showcase of some of the best foreign films made. *Oh, and production note: I didn't have alot of the codes to do the accent marks on these foreign titles, so they might not be the exact spelling. Sorry guys!*
#10 Le Souffle a Coeur (A Murmur of the Heart)
Country of Origin: France
Plot: After a 14 year-old boy is found to have a heart murmur, he and his mother go to live in a sanatorium in bourgeios France. He and his mother grow closer as he comes into age, and he begins to experience his first feelings of love, loss, and lust.
Tres Bien! This is an especially odd coming-of-age story. It was made in the 70's when everything was that Free Love stuff and y'know, anything goes. There's some pretty racy stuff going on here (i.e. underage sexual situations, incest, and Ginger nudity) but if you can look past all of that, it's an amazingly emotional story. Watch a clip here!
#9 Lola Rennt (Run Lola Run)
Country of Origin: Germany
Plot: Lola is an ordinary young woman put into extraordinary circumstances. In order to save her boyfriend Manni's life, she must find a way to retrieve 100,000 markes (dollars) in 20 minutes.
Spannend! Told in non-linear story lines, this film is an action-packed nail-biter that will keep you on the edge of your seat. It is told with three alternate results that all somehow connect, but who all end differently. This film is perfect for the movie-goer who wants a little something different out of their action films.
#8 Det sjunde inseglet (The Seventh Seal)
Country of Origin: Sweden
Plot: What would you do in order to beat Death? Knight Antonius Block is willing to play the ethereal master of fate in chess in order to buy himself some time to see his wife. During their game, all knight, death, and squire encounter several events that reveal to them that they have not lived a life wasted.
Klassiker! This is considered one of the best-made films in the history of cinema. I have to say, it is done quite nicely. This supernatural drama is a wonderful look at the value of life, and of a life well-lived. Also, Death looks really cool.
#7 Rashomon (In A Grove)
Country of Origin: Japan
Plot: Four people recount the rape of a young woman and the murder of her husband. All of the stories are contradictory of each other, leaving the viewer to be judge and jury.
Hentenko ken Imaimashii! This movie set the bar for both Japanese and American filmmakers. After Rashomon, all Asian filmmakers flocked to edgy movies and haven't looked back since. If you're a fan of Asian films, or if you're looking to get into them then this is the film for you.
#6 Haxan (The Witches)
Country of Origin: Sweden/Danish
Plot: A "true" study of witchcraft through the ages, this film is based on the Malleus Maleficarum, or "Hammer of the Witches"-- a manual on how to deal with sorceresses that was publish during the Inquisition.
Bisarr! This Scandinavian film was actually banned in the U.S. because of "graphic depictions of witchcraft, sexuality, and nudity." The silent film was supposed to be a propaganda film warning the public against the lure of evil-- kind of like the American film Reefer Madness.
#5 Y tu Mama Tambien (And Your Mother Too)
Country of Origin: Mexico
Plot: Set against the political turmoil of Mexican government, two young men find themselves on a road trip across their native country.
Un pelicula muy atractiva! Sexy, thought-provoking, funny, and beautifully shot. What more could a viewer ask for?
#4 Nosferatu: Eins Symphonie des Grauens (Nosferatu: A Symphony of Terror)
Country of Origin: Germany
Plot: Evil has risen out of the grave, and it's name is nosferatu. The vampire Orlok has set his sights on a young woman named Lucy and it's up to a few brave men to stop the demon.
Du kannst mich mal, Twilight! Before there was Edward, before there was Satanico, before Gary Oldman as Dracula, there was Count Orlok. Nosferatu is the preemptive vampire film-- the creme de la creme, the king of vampire movies. Frightening even to this day, Max Schreck's eerie performance stands the test of time by continuing to haunt audiences around the world.
#3 Irreversible
Country of Origin: France
Plot: Told in a completely backward timeline, two friends go on a quest to find the man called le Tenia (literally, The Tapeworm) in a effort to seek revenge for the girl he raped earlier that night.
Entier! This film is not one for the weak of heart, nor for the average film-goer. This film was called "The Most Walked Out Movie At Cannes"-- but not because of bad filmmaking, but because of the realism of it's content. Besides being wonderfully shot using intense colors and camera work, this film treats its viewers as if they are just part of the experience. The most hard-hitting part of the film is the rape of the girl Alex (played by Monica Bellucci.) The scene itself depicts is a nine-minute, one-shot, uncut, gut-wrenching, realistic portrayal of a rape. Several time-tested critics had to leave the theatre in shock and emotion at the scene, proclaiming it to be "too real." My friends, if you think you know torture, gore, or intensity, think again-- this film will almost certainly set you aback.
#2 Ladri di biciclette (The Bicycle Thief)
Country of Origin: Italy
Plot: In a beautifully-spun tale of poverty and the desperation it instills in people, a young couple must do what they can to survive-- even if this means selling wedding sheets and stealing bicycles.
Classico! Bicycle Thief is often cited as many filmmaker's most inspiring film. It certainly a beautiful tale of the human condition. The beautiful Italian language also ties this film together, making almost like a spoken-word opera.
#1 A Bout de Souffle (Breathless)
Country of Origin: France
Plot: Michel is a punk. But just not any kind of punk. A charming punk. Using this charm, he manages to trick his American girlfriend Patricia into hiding him from the police. In this awkward reunion, the two reconnect in a way that they never had before.
Jolie chose! This is such a wonderfully-film. Director Jean-Luc Godard made beautiful use of jump cuts and other cinematic devises. Jean Seberg is a wonderful leading lady, peppering the film with moments of innocence, ignorance, and playfulness. In contrast to her is Jean-Paul Belmondo as the conniving Michel. They play off of each other fantastically-- chemistry is abundant on-screen. This film is a gorgeous telling of love and the lies it leads us to. A perfect comedy/romance/crime-drama for any generation!
#10 Le Souffle a Coeur (A Murmur of the Heart)
Country of Origin: France
Plot: After a 14 year-old boy is found to have a heart murmur, he and his mother go to live in a sanatorium in bourgeios France. He and his mother grow closer as he comes into age, and he begins to experience his first feelings of love, loss, and lust.
Tres Bien! This is an especially odd coming-of-age story. It was made in the 70's when everything was that Free Love stuff and y'know, anything goes. There's some pretty racy stuff going on here (i.e. underage sexual situations, incest, and Ginger nudity) but if you can look past all of that, it's an amazingly emotional story. Watch a clip here!
#9 Lola Rennt (Run Lola Run)
Country of Origin: Germany
Plot: Lola is an ordinary young woman put into extraordinary circumstances. In order to save her boyfriend Manni's life, she must find a way to retrieve 100,000 markes (dollars) in 20 minutes.
Spannend! Told in non-linear story lines, this film is an action-packed nail-biter that will keep you on the edge of your seat. It is told with three alternate results that all somehow connect, but who all end differently. This film is perfect for the movie-goer who wants a little something different out of their action films.
#8 Det sjunde inseglet (The Seventh Seal)
Country of Origin: Sweden
Plot: What would you do in order to beat Death? Knight Antonius Block is willing to play the ethereal master of fate in chess in order to buy himself some time to see his wife. During their game, all knight, death, and squire encounter several events that reveal to them that they have not lived a life wasted.
Klassiker! This is considered one of the best-made films in the history of cinema. I have to say, it is done quite nicely. This supernatural drama is a wonderful look at the value of life, and of a life well-lived. Also, Death looks really cool.
#7 Rashomon (In A Grove)
Country of Origin: Japan
Plot: Four people recount the rape of a young woman and the murder of her husband. All of the stories are contradictory of each other, leaving the viewer to be judge and jury.
Hentenko ken Imaimashii! This movie set the bar for both Japanese and American filmmakers. After Rashomon, all Asian filmmakers flocked to edgy movies and haven't looked back since. If you're a fan of Asian films, or if you're looking to get into them then this is the film for you.
#6 Haxan (The Witches)
Country of Origin: Sweden/Danish
Plot: A "true" study of witchcraft through the ages, this film is based on the Malleus Maleficarum, or "Hammer of the Witches"-- a manual on how to deal with sorceresses that was publish during the Inquisition.
Bisarr! This Scandinavian film was actually banned in the U.S. because of "graphic depictions of witchcraft, sexuality, and nudity." The silent film was supposed to be a propaganda film warning the public against the lure of evil-- kind of like the American film Reefer Madness.
#5 Y tu Mama Tambien (And Your Mother Too)
Country of Origin: Mexico
Plot: Set against the political turmoil of Mexican government, two young men find themselves on a road trip across their native country.
Un pelicula muy atractiva! Sexy, thought-provoking, funny, and beautifully shot. What more could a viewer ask for?
#4 Nosferatu: Eins Symphonie des Grauens (Nosferatu: A Symphony of Terror)
Country of Origin: Germany
Plot: Evil has risen out of the grave, and it's name is nosferatu. The vampire Orlok has set his sights on a young woman named Lucy and it's up to a few brave men to stop the demon.
Du kannst mich mal, Twilight! Before there was Edward, before there was Satanico, before Gary Oldman as Dracula, there was Count Orlok. Nosferatu is the preemptive vampire film-- the creme de la creme, the king of vampire movies. Frightening even to this day, Max Schreck's eerie performance stands the test of time by continuing to haunt audiences around the world.
#3 Irreversible
Country of Origin: France
Plot: Told in a completely backward timeline, two friends go on a quest to find the man called le Tenia (literally, The Tapeworm) in a effort to seek revenge for the girl he raped earlier that night.
Entier! This film is not one for the weak of heart, nor for the average film-goer. This film was called "The Most Walked Out Movie At Cannes"-- but not because of bad filmmaking, but because of the realism of it's content. Besides being wonderfully shot using intense colors and camera work, this film treats its viewers as if they are just part of the experience. The most hard-hitting part of the film is the rape of the girl Alex (played by Monica Bellucci.) The scene itself depicts is a nine-minute, one-shot, uncut, gut-wrenching, realistic portrayal of a rape. Several time-tested critics had to leave the theatre in shock and emotion at the scene, proclaiming it to be "too real." My friends, if you think you know torture, gore, or intensity, think again-- this film will almost certainly set you aback.
#2 Ladri di biciclette (The Bicycle Thief)
Country of Origin: Italy
Plot: In a beautifully-spun tale of poverty and the desperation it instills in people, a young couple must do what they can to survive-- even if this means selling wedding sheets and stealing bicycles.
Classico! Bicycle Thief is often cited as many filmmaker's most inspiring film. It certainly a beautiful tale of the human condition. The beautiful Italian language also ties this film together, making almost like a spoken-word opera.
#1 A Bout de Souffle (Breathless)
Country of Origin: France
Plot: Michel is a punk. But just not any kind of punk. A charming punk. Using this charm, he manages to trick his American girlfriend Patricia into hiding him from the police. In this awkward reunion, the two reconnect in a way that they never had before.
Jolie chose! This is such a wonderfully-film. Director Jean-Luc Godard made beautiful use of jump cuts and other cinematic devises. Jean Seberg is a wonderful leading lady, peppering the film with moments of innocence, ignorance, and playfulness. In contrast to her is Jean-Paul Belmondo as the conniving Michel. They play off of each other fantastically-- chemistry is abundant on-screen. This film is a gorgeous telling of love and the lies it leads us to. A perfect comedy/romance/crime-drama for any generation!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Commercials We Wish Would Go Away
It's the new year folks. It's almost time for the Superbowl which means two things: football and coporate whoreishness. Now that it's almost time for all those Superbowl commercials, I think it time for some other commercials to throw in the towel. Here are my suggestions:
#5 Whopper Jr.
You gotta admit, Burger King comes up with some pretty original ad campaigns. Most recently we've had the Whopper Virgins (which sounds like a bad porno name to me) and the Angry Onion commercials. But they need to seriously retire the angsty Whopper Jr. bit. It got old really fast. Hey Whopper Jr., remember that whole "I wish I'd never been broiled!" bit...well we wish that too.
#4 Geico Cavemen
C'mon you guys...you made a doomed sitcom out of your commercials...isn't that enough? After said sitcom died, why did you have to go back to making those god-awful commercials? Shouldn't that have told you something? Something like, "The caveman's dead. Stick with the CG gecko." Hmm? I dunno, whatever keeps those dudes working.
#3 Cash For Gold
"I had no idea that my gold jewelry was worth so much money!" Is that so? Then maybe you shouldn't be trusting some quick-cash mail-in scam, dip-stick. The utter stupidity of the people that they get to "testify" in the commercials is staggering to me.
#2 The Snuggie
Ugh...how it pains me to even type the word Snuggie. It's basically just a backless hospital gown/blanket combination. It's like someone stole a Jedi's robe and scissored it up the back. But really, who's that much of a lazy bastard that they just won't put on a hoodie or something? The quote about having to free up your arms and get them cold with a blanket, really? It's not like you're living in the Antarctic and if you have to use your arms outside of the blanket they're gonna freeze off. And the worst about these commercials is they actually show people wearing these hideous contraptions in public. No one, I repeat, no one in their right mind would wear a Snuggie out of their house. In fact, don't wear one period-- Snuggies steal your soul.
#1 Any and All Erectile Dysfunction Medication Commercials
WE GET IT! Your penis doesn't work! Stop telling us about it by hiring some guy called Smilin' Bob to hawk your product for you! Or by massacring a classic Elvis song like "Viva Las Vegas" to say "Viva Viagra!" We don't wanna know Levitra that you can last up to 48 hours! Ew! And I'm sorry, but if you have a boner that lasts more than four hours, you shouldn't call a doctor, you should call a brothel cause buddy you're in for a great time. But just don't tell us about it. This goes for herpes treatment commercials and for any period-related media as well. Do your advertising via magazines and internet-- not the television that the whole family watches.
#5 Whopper Jr.
You gotta admit, Burger King comes up with some pretty original ad campaigns. Most recently we've had the Whopper Virgins (which sounds like a bad porno name to me) and the Angry Onion commercials. But they need to seriously retire the angsty Whopper Jr. bit. It got old really fast. Hey Whopper Jr., remember that whole "I wish I'd never been broiled!" bit...well we wish that too.
#4 Geico Cavemen
C'mon you guys...you made a doomed sitcom out of your commercials...isn't that enough? After said sitcom died, why did you have to go back to making those god-awful commercials? Shouldn't that have told you something? Something like, "The caveman's dead. Stick with the CG gecko." Hmm? I dunno, whatever keeps those dudes working.
#3 Cash For Gold
"I had no idea that my gold jewelry was worth so much money!" Is that so? Then maybe you shouldn't be trusting some quick-cash mail-in scam, dip-stick. The utter stupidity of the people that they get to "testify" in the commercials is staggering to me.
#2 The Snuggie
Ugh...how it pains me to even type the word Snuggie. It's basically just a backless hospital gown/blanket combination. It's like someone stole a Jedi's robe and scissored it up the back. But really, who's that much of a lazy bastard that they just won't put on a hoodie or something? The quote about having to free up your arms and get them cold with a blanket, really? It's not like you're living in the Antarctic and if you have to use your arms outside of the blanket they're gonna freeze off. And the worst about these commercials is they actually show people wearing these hideous contraptions in public. No one, I repeat, no one in their right mind would wear a Snuggie out of their house. In fact, don't wear one period-- Snuggies steal your soul.
#1 Any and All Erectile Dysfunction Medication Commercials
WE GET IT! Your penis doesn't work! Stop telling us about it by hiring some guy called Smilin' Bob to hawk your product for you! Or by massacring a classic Elvis song like "Viva Las Vegas" to say "Viva Viagra!" We don't wanna know Levitra that you can last up to 48 hours! Ew! And I'm sorry, but if you have a boner that lasts more than four hours, you shouldn't call a doctor, you should call a brothel cause buddy you're in for a great time. But just don't tell us about it. This goes for herpes treatment commercials and for any period-related media as well. Do your advertising via magazines and internet-- not the television that the whole family watches.
Ten Must-See Documentaries
You asked for it (well, Ryan did at least) and here it is. The list of the ten best documentaries I've ever seen. Granted, it's always hit-or-miss with documentaries but these are the creme-de-la-creme, so go out and find them today! Expand your minds, kiddies!
#10 No Direction Home
Plot: This documentary follows the life of legendary folk musician Bob Dylan. From his arrival in New York City to his high-profile "retirement" from touring in 1966, this Scorsese-directed journey gives the audience an insight into the mysterious and influential young man.
Why It's A Must-See: Any music fan will love this documentary. Dylan is one of the most influential musicians in the world and the messages in his songs transcend generations of fans. The fact that we are allowed a peek into the artistic mind of this man is reason alone to want to see this film. Not to mention it was directed by the great Martin Scorsese.
#9 A Personal Journey With Martin Scorsese Through American Movies
Plot: Legendary director Martin Scorsese recalls some of his favorite films and how they inspired him in his childhood and young adult life.
Why It's A Must-See: Martin Scorsese is a brilliant director, and to see and hear how his inner mind works is absolutely riveting. His love for movies staggers even the biggest part of film buff in me. It's simply amazing to hear him so tenderly speak of the movies he loves to watch over and over again.
#8 Grizzly Man
Plot: This film is compiled of video footage shot by wild-life enthusiast Timothy Treadwell who, out of his love for Grizzly bears, decided to live among them for thirteen seasons.
Why It's A Must-See: Okay, I'll admit, I have this in here for a few contradictory reasons. First, it's a good hippie movie. If you love nature and wildlife, it's a good ride for you. Second, it's unintentionally funny. I mean, this guy starts to go nuts toward the end, and embedded in that granola-crunching, nature-loving, bear-cuddling, madness is pure comedy genius. He even created a popular meme and became the Chris Crocker for bears. Oh, and did I mention that he got eaten by the bears he was living with? Irony!
#7 Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone
Plot: This documentary follows the life of legendary smut magnate Larry Flynt, creator of Penthouse magazine.
Why It's A Must-See: As a girl, I shouldn't be saying "Oh, a documentary about a Porn King is thought-provoking and interesting!" But I am. This documentary follows Flynt's continuous battle for First Amendment rights and the quote-unquote "right to be left the hell alone." This film will give you a new look on freedom of press and just how far one American can take it.
Indie Sex: Censored, Teens, Taboo, and Extremes
Plot: This IFC-sponsored documentary, four-part mini-series follows the journey of sex on-screen in both independent and mainstream films. Filmmakers such as James Cameron Mitchell, John Waters, and Atom Eyogan give their insight on sex and the art of film.
Why It's A Must-See: Sex is always interesting, whether you want to admit it or not. The journey that some of these filmmakers have made with sex in movies is a long and arduous one-- all of done in the name of art. This film could possibly make you see sex in film a totally different way: as art. Filmmakers, artists and actors give their views on sex in cinema here at IFC.com. But ultimately it's up to the audience to decide-- sex: part of filmmaking or just exploitation?
#5 Taxi To The Dark Side
Plot: Take a journey to the dark side of America's military forces. See what really goes on behind prison camps closed doors. This riveting tale asks the question, "When are American soldiers crossing the line in interrogation?"
Why It's A Must-See: If you've ever wondered when scare tactics cross over into sheer sadism, this is the film for you. Taxi shows us an inside look on American-run POW camps like Guantanomo Bay, and shows us for the first time what really happened in the Abu Ghraib prison. If you've ever felt some kind of pang for the value of human life-- this is the film for you.
#4 The Drug Years
Plot: When drugs hit the US scene in the 1960's, American youth never looked back. This VH1 Rockumentary chronicles the invention, use, and popularity of LSD, marijuana, heroin, and every other All-American drug that ever got us high.
Why It's A Must-See: Drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll is a time-tested Grade-A good time guaranteed. This is no exception. This mini-series shows the halcyon days of innocence when all drugs were was "a little bit of puff and some LSD" as if they were the better times. In a moment of drug-justification, the filmmaker makes us long for the days of that Summer of Love innocence and enlightenment. It makes us wanna trade the blood-riddled meth and cocaine of today for the good-intentioned blotter acid of Then and that, my friends, is what makes this documentary so great: it makes the viewer long for a simpler drug world.
#3 At The Death House Door
Plot: This film delicately documents the lives of Pastor Carroll Pickett and Carlos De Luna, whose existences intertwine at the Walls prison unit in Hunstville Texas. De Luna, a man wrongly convicted and sentenced to death, confided in Pickett, the "death house" pastor who gave peace to men on death row in their last hours.
Why It's A Must-See: Whether you're for or against the death penalty, this film will definitely make you rethink the American justice system. De Luna was presumed, posthumously, that he was indeed innocent--meaning that the state of Texas had murdered an innocent man. This fact still haunts Pickett, a 15-year veteran of the Death House, and the message this film leaves will also haunt you.
#2 Year of the Yao
Plot: Twenty-one year-old Yao Ming transferred from China to the Houston Rockets in 2002, and the transition was not an easy one. Yao spoke next to no English, was younger than most of his teammates, and had never been to the US before. With the help of a young translator, Colin Pine, Yao manages to settle down in America and become one of the biggest basketball phenomenons of the decade.
Why It's A Must-See: This lighthearted documentary is a fun look into the life of basketball phenom Yao Ming. We never get to see much of the big guy (and by big, I mean 7 foot 6 inches big) outside of the courts, so seeing him as a normal person with his friends is family is a nice change. Basketball fans will love the chronicling of his early days in China, to his rocky start in Houston, to his dominance in the game today. Unlike most documentaries that focus on catastrophic, depressing, or terrible events, this is just your good old-fashioned, feel-good, success story!
#1 Born Into Brothels
Plot: This 2004, Academy Award-winning documentary tells the tale of Calcutta, India's red-light kids-- the sons and daughters of prostitutes. In an attempt to let these children escape from their grim reality, they are given cameras and told to take photographs of their surroundings. The raw talent these kids possessed helped to raise them up out of the brothels and into a brighter, better world.
Why It's A Must-See: In a word: inspiring. These children, who are born with nothing, take simple pleasures in photographing what they see in life around them. Through these photographs, they help change both our perceptions and their own. This film is bound to open your eyes to the poor conditions in third-world countries like India. You can see some of the children's works here.
#10 No Direction Home
Plot: This documentary follows the life of legendary folk musician Bob Dylan. From his arrival in New York City to his high-profile "retirement" from touring in 1966, this Scorsese-directed journey gives the audience an insight into the mysterious and influential young man.
Why It's A Must-See: Any music fan will love this documentary. Dylan is one of the most influential musicians in the world and the messages in his songs transcend generations of fans. The fact that we are allowed a peek into the artistic mind of this man is reason alone to want to see this film. Not to mention it was directed by the great Martin Scorsese.
#9 A Personal Journey With Martin Scorsese Through American Movies
Plot: Legendary director Martin Scorsese recalls some of his favorite films and how they inspired him in his childhood and young adult life.
Why It's A Must-See: Martin Scorsese is a brilliant director, and to see and hear how his inner mind works is absolutely riveting. His love for movies staggers even the biggest part of film buff in me. It's simply amazing to hear him so tenderly speak of the movies he loves to watch over and over again.
#8 Grizzly Man
Plot: This film is compiled of video footage shot by wild-life enthusiast Timothy Treadwell who, out of his love for Grizzly bears, decided to live among them for thirteen seasons.
Why It's A Must-See: Okay, I'll admit, I have this in here for a few contradictory reasons. First, it's a good hippie movie. If you love nature and wildlife, it's a good ride for you. Second, it's unintentionally funny. I mean, this guy starts to go nuts toward the end, and embedded in that granola-crunching, nature-loving, bear-cuddling, madness is pure comedy genius. He even created a popular meme and became the Chris Crocker for bears. Oh, and did I mention that he got eaten by the bears he was living with? Irony!
#7 Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone
Plot: This documentary follows the life of legendary smut magnate Larry Flynt, creator of Penthouse magazine.
Why It's A Must-See: As a girl, I shouldn't be saying "Oh, a documentary about a Porn King is thought-provoking and interesting!" But I am. This documentary follows Flynt's continuous battle for First Amendment rights and the quote-unquote "right to be left the hell alone." This film will give you a new look on freedom of press and just how far one American can take it.
Indie Sex: Censored, Teens, Taboo, and Extremes
Plot: This IFC-sponsored documentary, four-part mini-series follows the journey of sex on-screen in both independent and mainstream films. Filmmakers such as James Cameron Mitchell, John Waters, and Atom Eyogan give their insight on sex and the art of film.
Why It's A Must-See: Sex is always interesting, whether you want to admit it or not. The journey that some of these filmmakers have made with sex in movies is a long and arduous one-- all of done in the name of art. This film could possibly make you see sex in film a totally different way: as art. Filmmakers, artists and actors give their views on sex in cinema here at IFC.com. But ultimately it's up to the audience to decide-- sex: part of filmmaking or just exploitation?
#5 Taxi To The Dark Side
Plot: Take a journey to the dark side of America's military forces. See what really goes on behind prison camps closed doors. This riveting tale asks the question, "When are American soldiers crossing the line in interrogation?"
Why It's A Must-See: If you've ever wondered when scare tactics cross over into sheer sadism, this is the film for you. Taxi shows us an inside look on American-run POW camps like Guantanomo Bay, and shows us for the first time what really happened in the Abu Ghraib prison. If you've ever felt some kind of pang for the value of human life-- this is the film for you.
#4 The Drug Years
Plot: When drugs hit the US scene in the 1960's, American youth never looked back. This VH1 Rockumentary chronicles the invention, use, and popularity of LSD, marijuana, heroin, and every other All-American drug that ever got us high.
Why It's A Must-See: Drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll is a time-tested Grade-A good time guaranteed. This is no exception. This mini-series shows the halcyon days of innocence when all drugs were was "a little bit of puff and some LSD" as if they were the better times. In a moment of drug-justification, the filmmaker makes us long for the days of that Summer of Love innocence and enlightenment. It makes us wanna trade the blood-riddled meth and cocaine of today for the good-intentioned blotter acid of Then and that, my friends, is what makes this documentary so great: it makes the viewer long for a simpler drug world.
#3 At The Death House Door
Plot: This film delicately documents the lives of Pastor Carroll Pickett and Carlos De Luna, whose existences intertwine at the Walls prison unit in Hunstville Texas. De Luna, a man wrongly convicted and sentenced to death, confided in Pickett, the "death house" pastor who gave peace to men on death row in their last hours.
Why It's A Must-See: Whether you're for or against the death penalty, this film will definitely make you rethink the American justice system. De Luna was presumed, posthumously, that he was indeed innocent--meaning that the state of Texas had murdered an innocent man. This fact still haunts Pickett, a 15-year veteran of the Death House, and the message this film leaves will also haunt you.
#2 Year of the Yao
Plot: Twenty-one year-old Yao Ming transferred from China to the Houston Rockets in 2002, and the transition was not an easy one. Yao spoke next to no English, was younger than most of his teammates, and had never been to the US before. With the help of a young translator, Colin Pine, Yao manages to settle down in America and become one of the biggest basketball phenomenons of the decade.
Why It's A Must-See: This lighthearted documentary is a fun look into the life of basketball phenom Yao Ming. We never get to see much of the big guy (and by big, I mean 7 foot 6 inches big) outside of the courts, so seeing him as a normal person with his friends is family is a nice change. Basketball fans will love the chronicling of his early days in China, to his rocky start in Houston, to his dominance in the game today. Unlike most documentaries that focus on catastrophic, depressing, or terrible events, this is just your good old-fashioned, feel-good, success story!
#1 Born Into Brothels
Plot: This 2004, Academy Award-winning documentary tells the tale of Calcutta, India's red-light kids-- the sons and daughters of prostitutes. In an attempt to let these children escape from their grim reality, they are given cameras and told to take photographs of their surroundings. The raw talent these kids possessed helped to raise them up out of the brothels and into a brighter, better world.
Why It's A Must-See: In a word: inspiring. These children, who are born with nothing, take simple pleasures in photographing what they see in life around them. Through these photographs, they help change both our perceptions and their own. This film is bound to open your eyes to the poor conditions in third-world countries like India. You can see some of the children's works here.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Ten Cutest Bromances
bromance (n.)-- a non-sexual relationship between two unusually close males
Everyone loves a good bromance. Every guy has had one. These bromances are the ones that took us by the heartstrings and tugged males into a good man-cry.
#10 Saul Silver and Dale Denton
Film: Pineapple Express
Bromanticity: These guys were just plain cute together. I mean, really, who doesn't love a sweet pair of stoners? But you could tell that these guys truly loved each other: Dale saved Saul from a giant weed explosion, Saul sold Dave the best herb in the U.S., and the two stuck together in times of crisis involving Chinese drug lords.
#9 Butch and Sundance
Film: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Bromantic: Ah, the Old West. A time of rugged manliness, a time of sheriffs and outlaws, and a time of perfectly straight cowboy bromances. And at the pinnacle of this straight-cowboy love totem is the dynamic (and unbearably cute) duo of Butch and Sundance. These two were just inseparable the entire movie: they robbed together, loved the same girl, and even went out together. Classic.
#8 Turk and J.D.
TV Show: "Scrubs"
Bromantic: They wrote a song about guy love. What more can we say? Plus, interracial bromance is always cute. As J.D. would say, "I love you, Chocolate Bear."
#7 Seth and Evan
Film: Superbad
Bromantic: What's better than two horny nerds trying to get laid their last week together? Nothing! It's the American Dream! That's why we love these two: because Seth and Evan remind all of us of that guy couple that we went to school with. Remember that whole "I love you. *pokes his nose* Boop." scene? Yeah, that scene was the epitome of geek bromance.
#6 Dwight Shrute and Michael Scott
TV Shows: "The Office"
Bromantic: Where would Michael be without Dwight? Lost, I say. More lost than he is now at least. Which means he'd probably be dead. And where would Dwight be without Michael? Alone, without a friend in the world. Let's face it-- these two need each other. TV world wouldn't be the same without these two. It's like a world where Jim and Pam didn't get together. Ooh, just scary thinking about it.
#5 Michael Scott and Ryan Howard
TV Show: "The Office"
Bromantic: Okay, so I listed two "Office" bromances on here-- big deal! So this bromance might be a little one-sided-- so what! You have to admit that the love Michael exudes for Ryan is sweet (albeit, a little annoying.) Even when Ryan almost burned down the office (Ryan started the fire!), and then got caught for fraud, and all the other dicky stuff Ryan tends to do, Michael sticks with him thick and thin. *Sniffles* That's true bromance, folks.
#4 Ron Burgundy and Baxter
Film: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Bromantic: Contrary to popular belief, bromance does extend to the animal world as well. The love normally self-centered Ron Burgundy showed for his dog Baxter is just plain heartwarming. They have intelligent conversations, they wear matching outfits, and they're always there for each other-- dog truly is man's best friend!
#3 Jay and Silent Bob
Film: Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks I and II.
Bromantic: The chemistry these two have is staggering: Jay's the mouth and Bob's the brains. These two do everything together: smoke weed, get girls (or at least try), and even save the world from destructive angels. Although they affectionately degrade each other occasionally, these two have a love for each other that other men only dream that they could have.
#2 Frodo and Sam
Film: Lord of the Rings
Bromantic: This was probably the original bromance. It took place long, long ago in a place called Middle Earth and it was awesome. All it took was hordes of evil armies, two hairy-footed little hobbits, and one little bastard of a gold ring to bring legions of nerdy guys together in common love for this bromance. Sure these two half-pints were the brunt of many a gay joke, and sure they were ridiculed for their less-than-heroic moments on the journey, but did that stop them from loving each other (in a totally non-homosexual way?) No, it didn't. And for that Frodo and Sam, we nerds around the world salute you.
#1 Cool Hand Luke and Dragline
Film: Cool Hand Luke
Bromantic: What guy wouldn't have a massive man-crush on Paul Newman? He's like the prettier version of Steve McQueen! But the lucky guy Cool Hand Luke chose for his bro was big ol' sweaty Dragline. Dragline's the best bromance buddy a guy can ask for: he protects him, he supports him in his biggest challenges, and he just plain loves the guy! He is always by the side of "his darlin' baby Luke." Luke, in turn, includes Dragline as his right-hand man in all his little schemes and plans.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
How Pathetic Am I?
The answer: very. I realized this early this morning when I went to class. One of my friends Kara asked me if I was going out with her and a bunch of other people to a club called "The Buzz" (Yeah, I know, how appropriate is that name? It's like, right next door is the club called "Slightly Inebriated" and across the street is the ever-popular haunt "Shit-Faced") Begrudgingly, I said yes. I'll repeat: Begrudgingly. I said yes. BEGRUDGINGLY.
Holy ass. I am a nineteen year old college freshman, and I am already loathing the fact that my friends are making me go out to party. How much further down on the loserdom scale can I possibly slide? I mean honestly, I'm squeezed in there between that Numa-Numa guy and Jennifer Wilbanks. I'm the true definition of homebody.
These are my defenses for not going out:
A.) They go out on Thursdays, and that's when new episodes of "The Office" comes on.
B.) I have 9 o'clock classes. I may be a morning person, but not that much of a morning person. I'm not built to stay up til' three in the morning and then get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go learn Spanish.
C.) I can't dance. The only thing you can do at these places are drink and dance. I'm not legally allowed to do the first one and I can't do the latter. I'm screwed both ways.
D.) I'm not gonna know many people there. And it's kind of hard to make conversation with other people when they're either drunk or attached to the face of someone else.
E.) I'm BROKE. As usual. So what's the point of paying ten bucks to get into a place where all I'm gonna do is sit around and stare at drunk people grinding against other drunk people?
Holy ass. I am a nineteen year old college freshman, and I am already loathing the fact that my friends are making me go out to party. How much further down on the loserdom scale can I possibly slide? I mean honestly, I'm squeezed in there between that Numa-Numa guy and Jennifer Wilbanks. I'm the true definition of homebody.
These are my defenses for not going out:
A.) They go out on Thursdays, and that's when new episodes of "The Office" comes on.
B.) I have 9 o'clock classes. I may be a morning person, but not that much of a morning person. I'm not built to stay up til' three in the morning and then get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go learn Spanish.
C.) I can't dance. The only thing you can do at these places are drink and dance. I'm not legally allowed to do the first one and I can't do the latter. I'm screwed both ways.
D.) I'm not gonna know many people there. And it's kind of hard to make conversation with other people when they're either drunk or attached to the face of someone else.
E.) I'm BROKE. As usual. So what's the point of paying ten bucks to get into a place where all I'm gonna do is sit around and stare at drunk people grinding against other drunk people?
I'm not bashing clubs-- they're fun most of the time! I'm just saying that tonight, I'm not really in the mood. But alas...the fates frown upon me and are putting me in quite a pickle: either go and suffer through the night, or stay at home and piss off your friends.
So what to do? What to do? My suite-mate is already thinking I'm gonna flake out on her... Well just call me Corn-Flake, kiddo!
That's my rant for the day.
A Little Article I Wrote For The Pine Burr
Here's a little article I wrote for the Pine Burr. I figured since it's anti-Twilight related that I'd post it here. Enjoy.
The Southern “Twilight”
by Taylor Meyers
As most of the free world is aware, there is an epidemic of “Twilight-mania” spreading amongst the modern youth. This vampire series, penned by Stephanie Meyer, tells the story of a young mortal girl who meets the ridiculously good-looking vampire Edward. Promptly, the two fall in love, drama ensues, and (per usual) true love overcomes. Unsurprisingly, these books became overnight best sellers.
But there is another series of vampire stories that are making their way out of the proverbial shadows and into the light of the mainstream: The Sookie Stackhouse Novels by southern belle Charlaine Harris. Harris’s books were first published in 2001, making a small but effective ripple in the world of written fiction. In 2008, her books were adapted for the small screen in the HBO series “True Blood”, which became an instant success. With the success of “True Blood” came the revitalization of the books, and now that people are taking notice, it seems that “Twilight” might just have some competition.
Charlaine Harris’s novels spin us a beautifully-told yarn of Sookie Stackhouse, an ordinary girl with an extraordinary attribute. The small-town cocktail waitress was born with the ability to read minds, and in a world where vampires, werewolves, and other mythical creatures exist, this power is often both a gift and a curse. The stories take place in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps, where (much like Summit) everyone knows exactly what everyone else is up to. In a world where vampires have recently made themselves known to mortals, knowing everyone’s business can be very dangerous. Strange things start to happen in Bon Temps—vampires start going missing, shape shifters are being picked off by a sniper, witches start to attack vampire leaders—and it’s up to Sookie and her gang of unusual friends to figure out who’s behind these bizarre crimes.
Harris’s novels are a refreshing and humourous new take on vampire mythology. These mysteries, which are interwoven with Southern humour and culture follow traditional vampire legend but also add their own spice to the mix. Vampires—instead of sparkling—prefer to go bar-hopping, werewolves are political powerhouses in the small towns they inhabit, and faeries are full-sized and unbelievably beautiful beings. Unlike the “Twilight” series, not everything is always sullen, serious business—in the Harris novels, the reader is bound to get a good laugh. But for the girls out there who are looking for a love story, well these books have got that too. Harris walks us through Sookie’s relationship will Bill Compton, a 157 year-old vampire. Like Bella and Edward, Sookie and Bill have their ups and downs, their good times and bad—and all experiencs are guaranteed to be strange ones.
The characters in Harris’s books are unique and unforgettable. Unlike in the “Twilight” novels, there are more mystical creatures in existence other than vampires and werewolves. Sookie’s boss and owner of the bar Merlotte’s is a shifter—a being that periodically shape-shifts into an animal. There are wild women call maenads that carry spiked staffs and attack people driving on country back-roads. There are even witches—malevolent, conniving folks who cannot be trusted by the simple people of Bon Temps. All these weird, wild, and wooly creatures culminate in wonderfully colorful tales told only the way a true Southerner can.
All of these fantastic factors culminate into a great series of vampire fiction. I wholly believe that if you are a fan of the “Twilight” series—or if you just enjoy vampire fiction in general—that you will love the Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels. You can find the titles here in McComb, at Books-A-Million in the mall. So go check out these titles today!
Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels:
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead In Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
The Southern “Twilight”
by Taylor Meyers
As most of the free world is aware, there is an epidemic of “Twilight-mania” spreading amongst the modern youth. This vampire series, penned by Stephanie Meyer, tells the story of a young mortal girl who meets the ridiculously good-looking vampire Edward. Promptly, the two fall in love, drama ensues, and (per usual) true love overcomes. Unsurprisingly, these books became overnight best sellers.
But there is another series of vampire stories that are making their way out of the proverbial shadows and into the light of the mainstream: The Sookie Stackhouse Novels by southern belle Charlaine Harris. Harris’s books were first published in 2001, making a small but effective ripple in the world of written fiction. In 2008, her books were adapted for the small screen in the HBO series “True Blood”, which became an instant success. With the success of “True Blood” came the revitalization of the books, and now that people are taking notice, it seems that “Twilight” might just have some competition.
Charlaine Harris’s novels spin us a beautifully-told yarn of Sookie Stackhouse, an ordinary girl with an extraordinary attribute. The small-town cocktail waitress was born with the ability to read minds, and in a world where vampires, werewolves, and other mythical creatures exist, this power is often both a gift and a curse. The stories take place in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps, where (much like Summit) everyone knows exactly what everyone else is up to. In a world where vampires have recently made themselves known to mortals, knowing everyone’s business can be very dangerous. Strange things start to happen in Bon Temps—vampires start going missing, shape shifters are being picked off by a sniper, witches start to attack vampire leaders—and it’s up to Sookie and her gang of unusual friends to figure out who’s behind these bizarre crimes.
Harris’s novels are a refreshing and humourous new take on vampire mythology. These mysteries, which are interwoven with Southern humour and culture follow traditional vampire legend but also add their own spice to the mix. Vampires—instead of sparkling—prefer to go bar-hopping, werewolves are political powerhouses in the small towns they inhabit, and faeries are full-sized and unbelievably beautiful beings. Unlike the “Twilight” series, not everything is always sullen, serious business—in the Harris novels, the reader is bound to get a good laugh. But for the girls out there who are looking for a love story, well these books have got that too. Harris walks us through Sookie’s relationship will Bill Compton, a 157 year-old vampire. Like Bella and Edward, Sookie and Bill have their ups and downs, their good times and bad—and all experiencs are guaranteed to be strange ones.
The characters in Harris’s books are unique and unforgettable. Unlike in the “Twilight” novels, there are more mystical creatures in existence other than vampires and werewolves. Sookie’s boss and owner of the bar Merlotte’s is a shifter—a being that periodically shape-shifts into an animal. There are wild women call maenads that carry spiked staffs and attack people driving on country back-roads. There are even witches—malevolent, conniving folks who cannot be trusted by the simple people of Bon Temps. All these weird, wild, and wooly creatures culminate in wonderfully colorful tales told only the way a true Southerner can.
All of these fantastic factors culminate into a great series of vampire fiction. I wholly believe that if you are a fan of the “Twilight” series—or if you just enjoy vampire fiction in general—that you will love the Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels. You can find the titles here in McComb, at Books-A-Million in the mall. So go check out these titles today!
Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels:
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead In Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Hands down, one of the best-made films of the new year and of 2008. Simply put: beautifully done. David Fincher's films just get better and better.
Benjamin Button was quite a departure from Fincher, who has been the mastermind behind cinematic jewels such as Fight Club, Zodiac, and Se7en. Benjamin Button is the drama/romance/fantasy story of a man who ages backwards. Born to a father who doesn't want him, Benjamin is raised by a young couple who runs a nursing home in 1930's New Orleans. At the age of five, he meets the love of his life-- a young ballerina named Daisy. As time rolls on, Daisy and Benjamin are faced with the hardships of life: both normal and unusual. We the audience are taken along the road of history and life, as told through Benjamin's eyes.
Now that we're done with the synopsis, it's on to the criticism!
This is the first film in cinema history to be film entirely in digital, which I believe made it easier for Fincher to work with all the aging effects. The camera work and the colors will put you in awe. Camera work is typical, brilliant Fincher-- simplistic, but not infantile. Every shot is framed up beautifully, almost as if he was planning on each one to be a photo. The color is also tell-tale Fincher. The palette is saturated, but not to the point where it is overwhelming. It is like a beautiful telling of reality with a little notch up.
One of the most impressive factors of the film is pacing. The movie is extremely long-- about 2 hours and 15 minutes-- but the pacing is so well done that you don't even realize you've been in the theatre that long. You're never bored with a scene, nor are you confused. Absolutely. Perfect.
Special effects in this move are seamless. They literally took Brad Pitt's digitally-aged head and stuck it on a kids aged body. I don't know how they did it, but it look awesome. I'm not so big on CG stuff (meaning I don't know much about that stuff) but this got me all excited.
Acting, of course, is well done. There are several unique characters Fincher invented for Benjamin to meet and the actors portraying these people are fantastic. Cate Blanchette balances the audience love/hate thing well for her character Daisy, as well as giving a believable performance as a woman faced with the inevitability of a doomed love. Brad Pitt does what Brad Pitt does best and manages to draw you in (not only with his looks) but with his stoic performances. He plays the perfect New Orleans gentlemen, from his fedora-topped head down to his winged-tipped loafers. Other, more minor characters, also earn merit for their small parts. Tilda Swinton plays perfectly as Benjamin's old flame, Elizabeth and Jared Harris is a brilliant and lewd comic-relief as Captain Mike.
As far as I'm concerned, this film earned every single Golden Globe it was nominated for. It's a beautiful, human, heartwrenching tale of love, loss, and (ultimately) the lives we choose to lead.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Upcoming Superhero Films: You Cast 'Em!
So in recent news, it has been announced that--because of those bastards over at Fox-- that Warner Brothers is putting a hold on production of all their DC superhero films. These films were set to usher in superheroes like Wonder Woman, Superman, the Flash, and Supermax.
Other studios are also attempting to launch superhero movies such as Captain America and Thor.
I'm taking this opportunity to give my opinion on casting. Some of these may seem far-fetched, but hear me out!
Wonder Woman: Carla Gugino (Sin City, Watchmen)
Superman: Brandon Routh (meh, he's a pretty okay Superman)
The Green Lantern: Derek Luke (Friday Night Lights)
The Flash: Ryan Reynolds has always been my choice. But now that he's Deadpool, I dunno if he can play the flash as well...
Supermax: Taylor Lautner (Twilight)
Captain America: Brad Pitt (yeah, that's a little bit of a casting fantasy for me)
Thor: Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights, Troy), Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy, Cold Mountain)
In wake of The Dark Knight fans have been waiting on bated breath to hear about the third installment of Nolan's fantastic franchise. We've heard realistic casting rumours such as Johnny Depp as the Riddler, Rachel Weisz as Catwoman, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin. Some of our fantasies came true when we heard the Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman, and some of us just laughed our asses off when we heard Eddie Murphy wanted to be the Riddler. Well, now it's our turn. Here's my ideas for villians and casting:
The Riddler: Johnny Depp. What can I say, he's perfect for this role!
The Penguin: Philip Seymour Hoffman. He makes for a pretty good villain.
Catwoman: I dunno. This is a toughie. I'd have to leave this up to Nolan.
Poison Ivy: Bryce Dallas Howard, Tilda Swinton (ooh, she'd be a creepy Poison Ivy)
Killer Croc: Isaac C. Singleton Jr. (Pirates of the Caribbean)
So there ya go. That's my fantasy casting for these future superhero films. Now, I wanna know who ya'll would want to be cast in some of these roles. So go comment kiddies!
Other studios are also attempting to launch superhero movies such as Captain America and Thor.
I'm taking this opportunity to give my opinion on casting. Some of these may seem far-fetched, but hear me out!
Wonder Woman: Carla Gugino (Sin City, Watchmen)
Superman: Brandon Routh (meh, he's a pretty okay Superman)
The Green Lantern: Derek Luke (Friday Night Lights)
The Flash: Ryan Reynolds has always been my choice. But now that he's Deadpool, I dunno if he can play the flash as well...
Supermax: Taylor Lautner (Twilight)
Captain America: Brad Pitt (yeah, that's a little bit of a casting fantasy for me)
Thor: Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights, Troy), Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy, Cold Mountain)
In wake of The Dark Knight fans have been waiting on bated breath to hear about the third installment of Nolan's fantastic franchise. We've heard realistic casting rumours such as Johnny Depp as the Riddler, Rachel Weisz as Catwoman, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin. Some of our fantasies came true when we heard the Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman, and some of us just laughed our asses off when we heard Eddie Murphy wanted to be the Riddler. Well, now it's our turn. Here's my ideas for villians and casting:
The Riddler: Johnny Depp. What can I say, he's perfect for this role!
The Penguin: Philip Seymour Hoffman. He makes for a pretty good villain.
Catwoman: I dunno. This is a toughie. I'd have to leave this up to Nolan.
Poison Ivy: Bryce Dallas Howard, Tilda Swinton (ooh, she'd be a creepy Poison Ivy)
Killer Croc: Isaac C. Singleton Jr. (Pirates of the Caribbean)
So there ya go. That's my fantasy casting for these future superhero films. Now, I wanna know who ya'll would want to be cast in some of these roles. So go comment kiddies!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Top Ten Movie Heroes and Villains
#10 Hero: Indiana Jones
Why He's A Hero: He's book-smart, he's tough, he's a smartass, and he always gets the girl. Plus, he's a big softy when it comes to ancient relics. Instead of hocking them on the black market, he diligently proclaims that "it belongs in a museum." *Sigh* We love you Dr. Jones.
Why He's A Hero: He's book-smart, he's tough, he's a smartass, and he always gets the girl. Plus, he's a big softy when it comes to ancient relics. Instead of hocking them on the black market, he diligently proclaims that "it belongs in a museum." *Sigh* We love you Dr. Jones.
Villainous One-Liner: "I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog too!" Hates little farm girls and small animals-- you can't get much meaner than that. Plus, she's green! When someone is green, you know that they're pretty villainous.
#9 Hero: R.P. McMurphy
Heroic Qualities: Crazy, funny, sexy (in that early Jack Nicholson way,) and IRISH! He led a bunch of run-down, low-life, nuts against the proverbial "system" in Nurse Ratched. Everyone loves a rebel. How much more heroism to you need?!
#9 Villain: Bill Lumbergh
Why He's A Villain: The drawling voice, those loud ties, and that mug...what about this guy doesn't scream evil?! He makes Peter Gibbons work on weekends, refuses to get that damned copy machine fixed, and he took Milton's little red stapler.
# 8 Hero(es): The Fellowship of the Ring
Heroism 101: These guys showed us what the meaning of teammwork and heroism are-- and they did it in tights. The Fellowship managed to overcome racial differences (because dwarves don't roll with elves) and temptations (we're talking to you Boromir) and overthrew a big ol' evil eye. Impressive.
# 8 Villain: Sauron
Why He's Evil: He's an eye. Just an eye. That's it. And yet somehow he managed to gather armies around Middle Earth and wreak havoc on all good folks. That's pretty bad ass.
#7 Hero: Marv
An Unconventional Hero: Yeah, he's big. Yeah, he's ugly. And yeah, maybe he does get a little too violent sometimes. But, hey, that's why we love him! This Sin City hero won our hearts over with his soft spot for dames and made us cheer for the slightly dysfunctional underdog when he sought revenge for his hooker with a heart of gold. You go, Marv!#9 Hero: R.P. McMurphy
Heroic Qualities: Crazy, funny, sexy (in that early Jack Nicholson way,) and IRISH! He led a bunch of run-down, low-life, nuts against the proverbial "system" in Nurse Ratched. Everyone loves a rebel. How much more heroism to you need?!
#9 Villain: Bill Lumbergh
Why He's A Villain: The drawling voice, those loud ties, and that mug...what about this guy doesn't scream evil?! He makes Peter Gibbons work on weekends, refuses to get that damned copy machine fixed, and he took Milton's little red stapler.
# 8 Hero(es): The Fellowship of the Ring
Heroism 101: These guys showed us what the meaning of teammwork and heroism are-- and they did it in tights. The Fellowship managed to overcome racial differences (because dwarves don't roll with elves) and temptations (we're talking to you Boromir) and overthrew a big ol' evil eye. Impressive.
# 8 Villain: Sauron
Why He's Evil: He's an eye. Just an eye. That's it. And yet somehow he managed to gather armies around Middle Earth and wreak havoc on all good folks. That's pretty bad ass.
#7 Hero: Marv
#7 Villain: Joan Crawford
Eyebrows of Evil: Go ahead, try looking at a wire hanger without thinking of Joan Crawford...you can't, can you? Not after seeing Mommie Dearest. This woman just eeked villian-- from her perfectly manicured toes all the way up to her hellaciously thick eyebrows. Holy hell, she could've took one of those off and beat you to death with it. Nothing screams evil like thick, dark eyebrows...
#6 Hero: Luke Skywalker
Why He's A Hero: Yeah, yeah, some say that Han Solo should be the hero but I tend to disagree. Luke took the ultimate hero's journey and discovered his ability to be a master Jedi, rejected the Dark Side, and ultimately saved his father's soul. Good for you Luke...good for you...
#6 Villain: Alex Forrest
My Personal Vendetta: Okay, so maybe I list her as a villain for personal reasons. But after Fatal Attraction men everywhere got the idea that blond, curly-headed women are absolutely psycho. And for that, I blame Alex Forrest. Glenn Close, you gave all of us curly-haired blondies a bad name. Shame. On. You.
#5 Hero: General George Patton
#5 Villain: William Longshanks
Best Villain In Tights: This Braveheart baddie managed to strike fear in our hearts all while wearing tights! Do you know how hard it is to take someone seriously when they're wearing tights?
#4 Hero: Cool Hand Luke
Why He's A Hero: The dude can eat fifty eggs in an hour. Fifty! Plus, he managed to rile together a rag-tag chain gang into one big bromance fest. Awesome.
#4 Villain: Humans in Bambi
Sucks To Be Us: C'mon, you have to admit that after you saw Bambi, you hated being human. All they did was kill poor Bambi's parents and wreak havoc on all the cuddly animals in the forest. Man, we just suck at life don't we?
#3 Hero: Rocky
What?: We couldn't understand a word this mush-mouth boxer said, but we just loved the way he said it! He was so great, that filmmakers found it necessary to make five more films about him. And all of em were ten kinds of awesome.
#3 Villain: Jack Torrance
Most Quoted/Parodied Line Ever: "Heeeeeeere's Johnny!!"
#2 Hero: James Bond
#2 Villain: Hannibal Lector
Second Most Quoted/Parodies Line Ever: "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
#1 Hero: Batman
Why He's More Amazing Than Superman: This man changed my life. His is, quite possibly, the most awesome super hero that ever roamed the face of the fictional planet. He's smart, he's sexy, he's rich, and he fights crime! What more can anyone ask for? Superpowers? Pssh, who needs 'em? They're for those pussies like Superman. Plus, Batman doesn't need tights-- he already looks good.
#1 Villain: The Emperor
Creepy Guy In A Robe: No, it's not the Pope. Although they are eerily similar... But this guy orchestrated the fall of the Republic and personally built the Empire with his own two hands-- all by smooth-talking a bunch of aliens. Pretty villainous.
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