Thursday, January 29, 2009
WTF: The Comedian Is On Grey's Anatomy
Monday, January 26, 2009
Random Fact of the Day
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Oscar Nominations Are Here!
Best Picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Director:
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionare)
David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Stephen Daldry (The Reader)
Projected Win: Danny Boyle
My Pick: David Fincher
Epic Snub: Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight)
Best Actor:
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Sean Penn
My Pick: Mickey Rourke
Epic Snub: I don't really have one.
Best Actress:
Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Projected Win: Kate Winslet
My Pick: Kate Winslet
Epic Snub: Cate Blanchette (The Curious Case of Benjamin)
Best Supporting Actor:
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Josh Brolin (Milk)
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Michael Shannon (The Reader)
Projected Win: Heath Ledger
My Pick: I'm calling this a tie between Heath and Robert Downey Jr.
Epic Snub: James Franco (Pineapple Express)
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Marisa Tomei
My Pick: Penelope Cruz
Epic Snub: Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road)
Best Original Screenplay:
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
WALL-E
Milk
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: In Bruges
Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Animated Feature:
WALL-E
Bolt
Kung-Fu Panda
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: Kung-Fu Panda
Five Best Guilty Pleasure TV Shows
#5 "Metalocalypse"
Spinal Tap For The Youngins: I was watching this on Adult Swim one night when my roommate came in from work, stopped, stared at the TV for a few seconds, and then turned to me and said: "What the hell are you watching?" Naturally I flipped the channel and said, "Nothing, I was just flipping through." That should say enought about this show. "Metalocalypse" is so utterly vile, so demented, so violent, that one has to be a little nutsy (or a massive metal fan) to be able to understand and enjoy it. I'm such a fan to this show that I even have the fictional band's real album-- Dethklok, the Dethablum. Pretty sad, huh?
#4 "Law and Order: SVU"
Kinda Like "CSI: Miami," Only No Horatio: And what kind of murder/rape-crime show is complete without Horatio, you ask? Well my answer is one that replaces him with Ice-T, Jayne Mansfield's daughter, a kinda-hot older dude, a gay Asian pychiatrist, Short-Skirt Lawyer Lady, and the most neurotic Jewish guy alive (right behind Woody Allen) Richard Belzer. This show is sometimes so self-righteous, so serious, that it makes fun of itself. But that's not what makes this a guilty pleasure. What makes this a guilty pleasure is the fact that when there's a marathon on USA, you have to watch. You just have to. And when you're done, the mentality you have is "Dude, I could totally get away with a crime now! I know exactly what not to do!" Admit it-- we've all thought that way at least once after watching a crime show.
#3 "America's Next Top Model"
FIERCE! Oh, Tyra Banks...where would we be today without your knowledge? You taught us how to "smile with your eyes" and how to be rockin' and fierce! You and your cohorts like the Jays gave us so many memorable lines, such as:
#2 Vintage Cartoons
How Did They Get Away With That? Remember those halcyon days of old? Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of Froot-Loops and your cartoon friends to keep you company...ah, yes, those were the good old days. Growing up, our generation had the best cartoons to go on: "Cow and Chicken," "Captain Planet," "Spongebob Squarepants," "Powerpuff Girls," "Batman: The Animated Series," "Johnny Bravo," "Dexter's Laboratory," "June Bugs," so on and so forth. But the great thing about these cartoons is that they're still funny to this day! I sat all Monday and watch a twenty-four hour "Powerpuff Girl" marathon and laughed my ass off the entire time. Of course, I'd never admit that to any of my fellow college students. The best part about old cartoons is that now that we're older, we catch subtle innuendos that we never would have when we were young. Some of the stuff in these cartoons just made me go "How the heck did they get away with that?"
#1 "Rock of Love With Bret Michaels"
Dirty, Dirty Awesomeness: What can I say? I love skanky hoes trying to get with an aging rock star with bad extensions! This show is so utterly terrible and vile that it is playing a key role in the downfall of Western civilation itself-- but it's so damn addictive! Over three seasons, we've had strippers, porn stars, rodeo girls, and "innocent" girls all vye for the heart of former Poison frontman Bret Michaels. Of course, there have been catfights. One or two girls may have been called a "d***sucker whorebag" on a few occasions. There have beens drunken debauches and many of those black-bar things scattered across bare boobs on-screen. And sure, after we watch it we feel as if we need a shower to wash off all the mainstream, corporate, mind-numbing dreck of it all. But man, we just wanna find out if Bret's ever gonna find true love or not. The utter stupidity and whoreishness of "Rock of Love" is what earns this show the number one spot.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Ten Great Foreign Films
#10 Le Souffle a Coeur (A Murmur of the Heart)
Country of Origin: France
Plot: After a 14 year-old boy is found to have a heart murmur, he and his mother go to live in a sanatorium in bourgeios France. He and his mother grow closer as he comes into age, and he begins to experience his first feelings of love, loss, and lust.
Tres Bien! This is an especially odd coming-of-age story. It was made in the 70's when everything was that Free Love stuff and y'know, anything goes. There's some pretty racy stuff going on here (i.e. underage sexual situations, incest, and Ginger nudity) but if you can look past all of that, it's an amazingly emotional story. Watch a clip here!
#9 Lola Rennt (Run Lola Run)
Country of Origin: Germany
Plot: Lola is an ordinary young woman put into extraordinary circumstances. In order to save her boyfriend Manni's life, she must find a way to retrieve 100,000 markes (dollars) in 20 minutes.
Spannend! Told in non-linear story lines, this film is an action-packed nail-biter that will keep you on the edge of your seat. It is told with three alternate results that all somehow connect, but who all end differently. This film is perfect for the movie-goer who wants a little something different out of their action films.
#8 Det sjunde inseglet (The Seventh Seal)
Country of Origin: Sweden
Plot: What would you do in order to beat Death? Knight Antonius Block is willing to play the ethereal master of fate in chess in order to buy himself some time to see his wife. During their game, all knight, death, and squire encounter several events that reveal to them that they have not lived a life wasted.
Klassiker! This is considered one of the best-made films in the history of cinema. I have to say, it is done quite nicely. This supernatural drama is a wonderful look at the value of life, and of a life well-lived. Also, Death looks really cool.
#7 Rashomon (In A Grove)
Country of Origin: Japan
Plot: Four people recount the rape of a young woman and the murder of her husband. All of the stories are contradictory of each other, leaving the viewer to be judge and jury.
Hentenko ken Imaimashii! This movie set the bar for both Japanese and American filmmakers. After Rashomon, all Asian filmmakers flocked to edgy movies and haven't looked back since. If you're a fan of Asian films, or if you're looking to get into them then this is the film for you.
#6 Haxan (The Witches)
Country of Origin: Sweden/Danish
Plot: A "true" study of witchcraft through the ages, this film is based on the Malleus Maleficarum, or "Hammer of the Witches"-- a manual on how to deal with sorceresses that was publish during the Inquisition.
Bisarr! This Scandinavian film was actually banned in the U.S. because of "graphic depictions of witchcraft, sexuality, and nudity." The silent film was supposed to be a propaganda film warning the public against the lure of evil-- kind of like the American film Reefer Madness.
#5 Y tu Mama Tambien (And Your Mother Too)
Country of Origin: Mexico
Plot: Set against the political turmoil of Mexican government, two young men find themselves on a road trip across their native country.
Un pelicula muy atractiva! Sexy, thought-provoking, funny, and beautifully shot. What more could a viewer ask for?
#4 Nosferatu: Eins Symphonie des Grauens (Nosferatu: A Symphony of Terror)
Country of Origin: Germany
Plot: Evil has risen out of the grave, and it's name is nosferatu. The vampire Orlok has set his sights on a young woman named Lucy and it's up to a few brave men to stop the demon.
Du kannst mich mal, Twilight! Before there was Edward, before there was Satanico, before Gary Oldman as Dracula, there was Count Orlok. Nosferatu is the preemptive vampire film-- the creme de la creme, the king of vampire movies. Frightening even to this day, Max Schreck's eerie performance stands the test of time by continuing to haunt audiences around the world.
#3 Irreversible
Country of Origin: France
Plot: Told in a completely backward timeline, two friends go on a quest to find the man called le Tenia (literally, The Tapeworm) in a effort to seek revenge for the girl he raped earlier that night.
Entier! This film is not one for the weak of heart, nor for the average film-goer. This film was called "The Most Walked Out Movie At Cannes"-- but not because of bad filmmaking, but because of the realism of it's content. Besides being wonderfully shot using intense colors and camera work, this film treats its viewers as if they are just part of the experience. The most hard-hitting part of the film is the rape of the girl Alex (played by Monica Bellucci.) The scene itself depicts is a nine-minute, one-shot, uncut, gut-wrenching, realistic portrayal of a rape. Several time-tested critics had to leave the theatre in shock and emotion at the scene, proclaiming it to be "too real." My friends, if you think you know torture, gore, or intensity, think again-- this film will almost certainly set you aback.
#2 Ladri di biciclette (The Bicycle Thief)
Country of Origin: Italy
Plot: In a beautifully-spun tale of poverty and the desperation it instills in people, a young couple must do what they can to survive-- even if this means selling wedding sheets and stealing bicycles.
Classico! Bicycle Thief is often cited as many filmmaker's most inspiring film. It certainly a beautiful tale of the human condition. The beautiful Italian language also ties this film together, making almost like a spoken-word opera.
#1 A Bout de Souffle (Breathless)
Country of Origin: France
Plot: Michel is a punk. But just not any kind of punk. A charming punk. Using this charm, he manages to trick his American girlfriend Patricia into hiding him from the police. In this awkward reunion, the two reconnect in a way that they never had before.
Jolie chose! This is such a wonderfully-film. Director Jean-Luc Godard made beautiful use of jump cuts and other cinematic devises. Jean Seberg is a wonderful leading lady, peppering the film with moments of innocence, ignorance, and playfulness. In contrast to her is Jean-Paul Belmondo as the conniving Michel. They play off of each other fantastically-- chemistry is abundant on-screen. This film is a gorgeous telling of love and the lies it leads us to. A perfect comedy/romance/crime-drama for any generation!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Commercials We Wish Would Go Away
#5 Whopper Jr.
You gotta admit, Burger King comes up with some pretty original ad campaigns. Most recently we've had the Whopper Virgins (which sounds like a bad porno name to me) and the Angry Onion commercials. But they need to seriously retire the angsty Whopper Jr. bit. It got old really fast. Hey Whopper Jr., remember that whole "I wish I'd never been broiled!" bit...well we wish that too.
#4 Geico Cavemen
C'mon you guys...you made a doomed sitcom out of your commercials...isn't that enough? After said sitcom died, why did you have to go back to making those god-awful commercials? Shouldn't that have told you something? Something like, "The caveman's dead. Stick with the CG gecko." Hmm? I dunno, whatever keeps those dudes working.
#3 Cash For Gold
"I had no idea that my gold jewelry was worth so much money!" Is that so? Then maybe you shouldn't be trusting some quick-cash mail-in scam, dip-stick. The utter stupidity of the people that they get to "testify" in the commercials is staggering to me.
#2 The Snuggie
Ugh...how it pains me to even type the word Snuggie. It's basically just a backless hospital gown/blanket combination. It's like someone stole a Jedi's robe and scissored it up the back. But really, who's that much of a lazy bastard that they just won't put on a hoodie or something? The quote about having to free up your arms and get them cold with a blanket, really? It's not like you're living in the Antarctic and if you have to use your arms outside of the blanket they're gonna freeze off. And the worst about these commercials is they actually show people wearing these hideous contraptions in public. No one, I repeat, no one in their right mind would wear a Snuggie out of their house. In fact, don't wear one period-- Snuggies steal your soul.
#1 Any and All Erectile Dysfunction Medication Commercials
WE GET IT! Your penis doesn't work! Stop telling us about it by hiring some guy called Smilin' Bob to hawk your product for you! Or by massacring a classic Elvis song like "Viva Las Vegas" to say "Viva Viagra!" We don't wanna know Levitra that you can last up to 48 hours! Ew! And I'm sorry, but if you have a boner that lasts more than four hours, you shouldn't call a doctor, you should call a brothel cause buddy you're in for a great time. But just don't tell us about it. This goes for herpes treatment commercials and for any period-related media as well. Do your advertising via magazines and internet-- not the television that the whole family watches.
Ten Must-See Documentaries
#10 No Direction Home
Plot: This documentary follows the life of legendary folk musician Bob Dylan. From his arrival in New York City to his high-profile "retirement" from touring in 1966, this Scorsese-directed journey gives the audience an insight into the mysterious and influential young man.
Why It's A Must-See: Any music fan will love this documentary. Dylan is one of the most influential musicians in the world and the messages in his songs transcend generations of fans. The fact that we are allowed a peek into the artistic mind of this man is reason alone to want to see this film. Not to mention it was directed by the great Martin Scorsese.
#9 A Personal Journey With Martin Scorsese Through American Movies
Plot: Legendary director Martin Scorsese recalls some of his favorite films and how they inspired him in his childhood and young adult life.
Why It's A Must-See: Martin Scorsese is a brilliant director, and to see and hear how his inner mind works is absolutely riveting. His love for movies staggers even the biggest part of film buff in me. It's simply amazing to hear him so tenderly speak of the movies he loves to watch over and over again.
#8 Grizzly Man
Plot: This film is compiled of video footage shot by wild-life enthusiast Timothy Treadwell who, out of his love for Grizzly bears, decided to live among them for thirteen seasons.
Why It's A Must-See: Okay, I'll admit, I have this in here for a few contradictory reasons. First, it's a good hippie movie. If you love nature and wildlife, it's a good ride for you. Second, it's unintentionally funny. I mean, this guy starts to go nuts toward the end, and embedded in that granola-crunching, nature-loving, bear-cuddling, madness is pure comedy genius. He even created a popular meme and became the Chris Crocker for bears. Oh, and did I mention that he got eaten by the bears he was living with? Irony!
#7 Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone
Plot: This documentary follows the life of legendary smut magnate Larry Flynt, creator of Penthouse magazine.
Why It's A Must-See: As a girl, I shouldn't be saying "Oh, a documentary about a Porn King is thought-provoking and interesting!" But I am. This documentary follows Flynt's continuous battle for First Amendment rights and the quote-unquote "right to be left the hell alone." This film will give you a new look on freedom of press and just how far one American can take it.
Indie Sex: Censored, Teens, Taboo, and Extremes
Plot: This IFC-sponsored documentary, four-part mini-series follows the journey of sex on-screen in both independent and mainstream films. Filmmakers such as James Cameron Mitchell, John Waters, and Atom Eyogan give their insight on sex and the art of film.
Why It's A Must-See: Sex is always interesting, whether you want to admit it or not. The journey that some of these filmmakers have made with sex in movies is a long and arduous one-- all of done in the name of art. This film could possibly make you see sex in film a totally different way: as art. Filmmakers, artists and actors give their views on sex in cinema here at IFC.com. But ultimately it's up to the audience to decide-- sex: part of filmmaking or just exploitation?
#5 Taxi To The Dark Side
Plot: Take a journey to the dark side of America's military forces. See what really goes on behind prison camps closed doors. This riveting tale asks the question, "When are American soldiers crossing the line in interrogation?"
Why It's A Must-See: If you've ever wondered when scare tactics cross over into sheer sadism, this is the film for you. Taxi shows us an inside look on American-run POW camps like Guantanomo Bay, and shows us for the first time what really happened in the Abu Ghraib prison. If you've ever felt some kind of pang for the value of human life-- this is the film for you.
#4 The Drug Years
Plot: When drugs hit the US scene in the 1960's, American youth never looked back. This VH1 Rockumentary chronicles the invention, use, and popularity of LSD, marijuana, heroin, and every other All-American drug that ever got us high.
Why It's A Must-See: Drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll is a time-tested Grade-A good time guaranteed. This is no exception. This mini-series shows the halcyon days of innocence when all drugs were was "a little bit of puff and some LSD" as if they were the better times. In a moment of drug-justification, the filmmaker makes us long for the days of that Summer of Love innocence and enlightenment. It makes us wanna trade the blood-riddled meth and cocaine of today for the good-intentioned blotter acid of Then and that, my friends, is what makes this documentary so great: it makes the viewer long for a simpler drug world.
#3 At The Death House Door
Plot: This film delicately documents the lives of Pastor Carroll Pickett and Carlos De Luna, whose existences intertwine at the Walls prison unit in Hunstville Texas. De Luna, a man wrongly convicted and sentenced to death, confided in Pickett, the "death house" pastor who gave peace to men on death row in their last hours.
Why It's A Must-See: Whether you're for or against the death penalty, this film will definitely make you rethink the American justice system. De Luna was presumed, posthumously, that he was indeed innocent--meaning that the state of Texas had murdered an innocent man. This fact still haunts Pickett, a 15-year veteran of the Death House, and the message this film leaves will also haunt you.
#2 Year of the Yao
Plot: Twenty-one year-old Yao Ming transferred from China to the Houston Rockets in 2002, and the transition was not an easy one. Yao spoke next to no English, was younger than most of his teammates, and had never been to the US before. With the help of a young translator, Colin Pine, Yao manages to settle down in America and become one of the biggest basketball phenomenons of the decade.
Why It's A Must-See: This lighthearted documentary is a fun look into the life of basketball phenom Yao Ming. We never get to see much of the big guy (and by big, I mean 7 foot 6 inches big) outside of the courts, so seeing him as a normal person with his friends is family is a nice change. Basketball fans will love the chronicling of his early days in China, to his rocky start in Houston, to his dominance in the game today. Unlike most documentaries that focus on catastrophic, depressing, or terrible events, this is just your good old-fashioned, feel-good, success story!
#1 Born Into Brothels
Plot: This 2004, Academy Award-winning documentary tells the tale of Calcutta, India's red-light kids-- the sons and daughters of prostitutes. In an attempt to let these children escape from their grim reality, they are given cameras and told to take photographs of their surroundings. The raw talent these kids possessed helped to raise them up out of the brothels and into a brighter, better world.
Why It's A Must-See: In a word: inspiring. These children, who are born with nothing, take simple pleasures in photographing what they see in life around them. Through these photographs, they help change both our perceptions and their own. This film is bound to open your eyes to the poor conditions in third-world countries like India. You can see some of the children's works here.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Ten Cutest Bromances
Thursday, January 15, 2009
How Pathetic Am I?
Holy ass. I am a nineteen year old college freshman, and I am already loathing the fact that my friends are making me go out to party. How much further down on the loserdom scale can I possibly slide? I mean honestly, I'm squeezed in there between that Numa-Numa guy and Jennifer Wilbanks. I'm the true definition of homebody.
These are my defenses for not going out:
A.) They go out on Thursdays, and that's when new episodes of "The Office" comes on.
B.) I have 9 o'clock classes. I may be a morning person, but not that much of a morning person. I'm not built to stay up til' three in the morning and then get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go learn Spanish.
C.) I can't dance. The only thing you can do at these places are drink and dance. I'm not legally allowed to do the first one and I can't do the latter. I'm screwed both ways.
D.) I'm not gonna know many people there. And it's kind of hard to make conversation with other people when they're either drunk or attached to the face of someone else.
E.) I'm BROKE. As usual. So what's the point of paying ten bucks to get into a place where all I'm gonna do is sit around and stare at drunk people grinding against other drunk people?
I'm not bashing clubs-- they're fun most of the time! I'm just saying that tonight, I'm not really in the mood. But alas...the fates frown upon me and are putting me in quite a pickle: either go and suffer through the night, or stay at home and piss off your friends.
So what to do? What to do? My suite-mate is already thinking I'm gonna flake out on her... Well just call me Corn-Flake, kiddo!
That's my rant for the day.
A Little Article I Wrote For The Pine Burr
The Southern “Twilight”
by Taylor Meyers
As most of the free world is aware, there is an epidemic of “Twilight-mania” spreading amongst the modern youth. This vampire series, penned by Stephanie Meyer, tells the story of a young mortal girl who meets the ridiculously good-looking vampire Edward. Promptly, the two fall in love, drama ensues, and (per usual) true love overcomes. Unsurprisingly, these books became overnight best sellers.
But there is another series of vampire stories that are making their way out of the proverbial shadows and into the light of the mainstream: The Sookie Stackhouse Novels by southern belle Charlaine Harris. Harris’s books were first published in 2001, making a small but effective ripple in the world of written fiction. In 2008, her books were adapted for the small screen in the HBO series “True Blood”, which became an instant success. With the success of “True Blood” came the revitalization of the books, and now that people are taking notice, it seems that “Twilight” might just have some competition.
Charlaine Harris’s novels spin us a beautifully-told yarn of Sookie Stackhouse, an ordinary girl with an extraordinary attribute. The small-town cocktail waitress was born with the ability to read minds, and in a world where vampires, werewolves, and other mythical creatures exist, this power is often both a gift and a curse. The stories take place in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps, where (much like Summit) everyone knows exactly what everyone else is up to. In a world where vampires have recently made themselves known to mortals, knowing everyone’s business can be very dangerous. Strange things start to happen in Bon Temps—vampires start going missing, shape shifters are being picked off by a sniper, witches start to attack vampire leaders—and it’s up to Sookie and her gang of unusual friends to figure out who’s behind these bizarre crimes.
Harris’s novels are a refreshing and humourous new take on vampire mythology. These mysteries, which are interwoven with Southern humour and culture follow traditional vampire legend but also add their own spice to the mix. Vampires—instead of sparkling—prefer to go bar-hopping, werewolves are political powerhouses in the small towns they inhabit, and faeries are full-sized and unbelievably beautiful beings. Unlike the “Twilight” series, not everything is always sullen, serious business—in the Harris novels, the reader is bound to get a good laugh. But for the girls out there who are looking for a love story, well these books have got that too. Harris walks us through Sookie’s relationship will Bill Compton, a 157 year-old vampire. Like Bella and Edward, Sookie and Bill have their ups and downs, their good times and bad—and all experiencs are guaranteed to be strange ones.
The characters in Harris’s books are unique and unforgettable. Unlike in the “Twilight” novels, there are more mystical creatures in existence other than vampires and werewolves. Sookie’s boss and owner of the bar Merlotte’s is a shifter—a being that periodically shape-shifts into an animal. There are wild women call maenads that carry spiked staffs and attack people driving on country back-roads. There are even witches—malevolent, conniving folks who cannot be trusted by the simple people of Bon Temps. All these weird, wild, and wooly creatures culminate in wonderfully colorful tales told only the way a true Southerner can.
All of these fantastic factors culminate into a great series of vampire fiction. I wholly believe that if you are a fan of the “Twilight” series—or if you just enjoy vampire fiction in general—that you will love the Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels. You can find the titles here in McComb, at Books-A-Million in the mall. So go check out these titles today!
Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels:
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead In Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Friday, January 9, 2009
Upcoming Superhero Films: You Cast 'Em!
Other studios are also attempting to launch superhero movies such as Captain America and Thor.
I'm taking this opportunity to give my opinion on casting. Some of these may seem far-fetched, but hear me out!
Wonder Woman: Carla Gugino (Sin City, Watchmen)
Superman: Brandon Routh (meh, he's a pretty okay Superman)
The Green Lantern: Derek Luke (Friday Night Lights)
The Flash: Ryan Reynolds has always been my choice. But now that he's Deadpool, I dunno if he can play the flash as well...
Supermax: Taylor Lautner (Twilight)
Captain America: Brad Pitt (yeah, that's a little bit of a casting fantasy for me)
Thor: Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights, Troy), Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy, Cold Mountain)
In wake of The Dark Knight fans have been waiting on bated breath to hear about the third installment of Nolan's fantastic franchise. We've heard realistic casting rumours such as Johnny Depp as the Riddler, Rachel Weisz as Catwoman, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin. Some of our fantasies came true when we heard the Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman, and some of us just laughed our asses off when we heard Eddie Murphy wanted to be the Riddler. Well, now it's our turn. Here's my ideas for villians and casting:
The Riddler: Johnny Depp. What can I say, he's perfect for this role!
The Penguin: Philip Seymour Hoffman. He makes for a pretty good villain.
Catwoman: I dunno. This is a toughie. I'd have to leave this up to Nolan.
Poison Ivy: Bryce Dallas Howard, Tilda Swinton (ooh, she'd be a creepy Poison Ivy)
Killer Croc: Isaac C. Singleton Jr. (Pirates of the Caribbean)
So there ya go. That's my fantasy casting for these future superhero films. Now, I wanna know who ya'll would want to be cast in some of these roles. So go comment kiddies!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Top Ten Movie Heroes and Villains
Why He's A Hero: He's book-smart, he's tough, he's a smartass, and he always gets the girl. Plus, he's a big softy when it comes to ancient relics. Instead of hocking them on the black market, he diligently proclaims that "it belongs in a museum." *Sigh* We love you Dr. Jones.
#9 Hero: R.P. McMurphy
Heroic Qualities: Crazy, funny, sexy (in that early Jack Nicholson way,) and IRISH! He led a bunch of run-down, low-life, nuts against the proverbial "system" in Nurse Ratched. Everyone loves a rebel. How much more heroism to you need?!
#9 Villain: Bill Lumbergh
Why He's A Villain: The drawling voice, those loud ties, and that mug...what about this guy doesn't scream evil?! He makes Peter Gibbons work on weekends, refuses to get that damned copy machine fixed, and he took Milton's little red stapler.
# 8 Hero(es): The Fellowship of the Ring
Heroism 101: These guys showed us what the meaning of teammwork and heroism are-- and they did it in tights. The Fellowship managed to overcome racial differences (because dwarves don't roll with elves) and temptations (we're talking to you Boromir) and overthrew a big ol' evil eye. Impressive.
# 8 Villain: Sauron
Why He's Evil: He's an eye. Just an eye. That's it. And yet somehow he managed to gather armies around Middle Earth and wreak havoc on all good folks. That's pretty bad ass.
#7 Hero: Marv
#7 Villain: Joan Crawford
Eyebrows of Evil: Go ahead, try looking at a wire hanger without thinking of Joan Crawford...you can't, can you? Not after seeing Mommie Dearest. This woman just eeked villian-- from her perfectly manicured toes all the way up to her hellaciously thick eyebrows. Holy hell, she could've took one of those off and beat you to death with it. Nothing screams evil like thick, dark eyebrows...
#6 Hero: Luke Skywalker
Why He's A Hero: Yeah, yeah, some say that Han Solo should be the hero but I tend to disagree. Luke took the ultimate hero's journey and discovered his ability to be a master Jedi, rejected the Dark Side, and ultimately saved his father's soul. Good for you Luke...good for you...
#6 Villain: Alex Forrest
My Personal Vendetta: Okay, so maybe I list her as a villain for personal reasons. But after Fatal Attraction men everywhere got the idea that blond, curly-headed women are absolutely psycho. And for that, I blame Alex Forrest. Glenn Close, you gave all of us curly-haired blondies a bad name. Shame. On. You.
#5 Hero: General George Patton
#5 Villain: William Longshanks
Best Villain In Tights: This Braveheart baddie managed to strike fear in our hearts all while wearing tights! Do you know how hard it is to take someone seriously when they're wearing tights?
#4 Hero: Cool Hand Luke
Why He's A Hero: The dude can eat fifty eggs in an hour. Fifty! Plus, he managed to rile together a rag-tag chain gang into one big bromance fest. Awesome.
#4 Villain: Humans in Bambi
Sucks To Be Us: C'mon, you have to admit that after you saw Bambi, you hated being human. All they did was kill poor Bambi's parents and wreak havoc on all the cuddly animals in the forest. Man, we just suck at life don't we?
#3 Hero: Rocky
What?: We couldn't understand a word this mush-mouth boxer said, but we just loved the way he said it! He was so great, that filmmakers found it necessary to make five more films about him. And all of em were ten kinds of awesome.
#3 Villain: Jack Torrance
Most Quoted/Parodied Line Ever: "Heeeeeeere's Johnny!!"
#2 Hero: James Bond
#2 Villain: Hannibal Lector
Second Most Quoted/Parodies Line Ever: "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
#1 Hero: Batman
Why He's More Amazing Than Superman: This man changed my life. His is, quite possibly, the most awesome super hero that ever roamed the face of the fictional planet. He's smart, he's sexy, he's rich, and he fights crime! What more can anyone ask for? Superpowers? Pssh, who needs 'em? They're for those pussies like Superman. Plus, Batman doesn't need tights-- he already looks good.
#1 Villain: The Emperor
Creepy Guy In A Robe: No, it's not the Pope. Although they are eerily similar... But this guy orchestrated the fall of the Republic and personally built the Empire with his own two hands-- all by smooth-talking a bunch of aliens. Pretty villainous.
The Five Most Overrated Movies Ever
#5 The Notebook
Why It's Overrated: It's just one big ball of sickening, cheesetastic romance cliches. I'm probably the only thing with a uterus that hates this film and I catch flak for it from every girl I know. It's one terrible romantic cliche after another, for two friggin' hours: oh, he writes a letter every day of the year; oh, she's rich and her parents don't want her dating a poor guy; oh, they die together in the end. GIVE ME A BREAK! THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN I REAL LIFE! It's just one big farce that will never, ever happen to any of us in real life. And the worst part is that every being that possessed a vagina fell for it. Damn.
#4 Scarface
Why It's Overrated: Sorry all you dudes out there-- including all the rappers/gangstas. This movie is highly overrated to me. That's just my opinion, and I am prepared for your scathing comments. It was a badly written, badly filmed hunk o' violent crap that, for some odd reason, every dude likes. Being a fan of typical "dude movies" myself, I can understand violence and the word "f***" being said every two seconds, but c'mon it should at least be backed up with reason. Al Pacino is a fine actor, but if you wanna see some of his real work, go for Dog Day Afternoon, Heat or even Glengarry Glen Ross for God's sake. Even if you don't think that this film is overrated, you have to admit that it's the worst gangster film ever made.
#3 Monster's Ball
Why It's Overrated: I still don't understand why Halle Berry won a Best Actress Oscar for this film. I mean, she was against Ellen Burstyn and Laura Linney for crying out loud-- the women are stiff contenders! I just think this was a reason to show Halle Berry naked...again (I'm looking at you Swordfish.)
#2 2001: Space Oddysey
Why It's Overrated: Now, I'm guilty of loving this film. I really do like Space Odyssey-- but it's just so damn long and boring. It has its moments, and it has its memorable lines ("I'm afraid I can't allow that Dave.") and, at the time, it was a visual achievement. But still, why did Kubrick have to force us to sit through 20 grueling minutes of silent before anyone ever spoke? Every. Single. Time. That's why this film makes the list: for making the audience wanna scream "SOMETHING HAPPEN!" every long, boring minute.
#1 The Matrix
Why It's Overrated: This is quite possibly the most self-righteous movie ever. "Oh, look at us, we can do wire tricks! Oh we set the bar high for technology in movies in the nineties!" That still doesn't excuse a foggy plot and the fact Keanu Reeves is your leading man. I blame this film for a generation of computer geeks who still think they look good in leather. You don't dude. So stop it with the floor-length leather coat in the middle of June.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Review: Pineapple Express
Dale Denton is a twenty-something process server who is slowly slipping into a life of loserdoem. This descent is painfully highlighted by the fact that he is dating a high school girl, that he has a job in which everyone hates him, and that he constantly smokes weed. His only real friend is his dealer-- the strange and occasionally insightful Saul Silver. Together the two make for a beautiful bromance. They sit around, reminiscing on the halcyon days all the while hitting the chronic and getting baked. But their mellow is soon harshed when Dale witnesses a killing that connects him to a web of underground drug dealings. Dale and Saul have no option other than to run, and what results from this chase is nothing short of a riot.
I have never seen more perfect casting in a comedy film. Judd Apatow did a seamless job of finding the right folks to play these memorable parts. Seth Rogen plays the part of semi-straight-laced, twenty-something, lovable loser fantastically. James Franco blew me away as the burn-out Saul Silver. He manages to balance that line between truth and stereotype. He reminds the viewer of that someone that everyone knows. Together, these two form a bromance that rivals Cool Hand Luke and Dragline's. Their scenes together are so genuine and sweet, that you kinda have this weird feeling that you want 'em to be together. Franco even coins a term for what the two men are: BFFF's-- Best F***ing Friends Forever!
The real scene-stealer in this film is Danny McBride who plays Red. The paranoid drug dealer is one of the greatest characters of 2008. His whole demeanor is wonderfully contradictory: one minute, he's mister suave and cool ("Look at me, man-- I'm wearing a kimono.") the next he's a freaking manic, killing machine ("You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, muthaf***er!") He manages to hold his own against comedic powerhouses like Rogen and Gary Cole, and I suspect that this guy is a rising funny star.
One thing I'm wondering is this: why does Gary Cole always play an asshole? He was Bill Lumbergh in Office Space, he was the douchey drug-addict Reese Bobby in Talladega Nights, and now he plays a corrupt and evil drug dealer in Pineapple Express. This guy is like the funny version of Tom Wilkinson, he's just really good at being a dick. Anyway, that was just a random thought I threw in there.
So all in all, Pineapple Express is a stoner movie that got it all and then some: great cast, great laughs, good heart, and it won't leave you with the munchies after you're done.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
5 Films Your Mom Doesn't Want You To See
#5 Imprint
Plot: In the late 19th century, an American travels to Japan to find the woman he loved and lost-- a prostitute from a strange island. What he finds on the island of whores and demons is nothing short of terrifying and shocking.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This movie has everything it takes to be a "bad" movie-- rape, prostitution, violence, abortion, incest, torture, bad accents, and then some. A friend of mine suggested it to me as "one of the freakiest movies" he'd ever seen. Lemme tell you folks, "freaky" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Mother's Shame Factor: On a scale of one to ten, we'll say a seven.
#4 Blue Velvet
Plot: When a young man finds a severed ear in a field in his home town, the simple lacerated human appendage launches a mystery that is filled with dark secrets.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This throwback to the 50's noir films was originally called depraved, dark, vulgar, and silly. With its raw displays of human psychoses and sexual flaws, the film was forever condemned as a "smart, dirty movie."
Mother's Shame Factor: Six
#3 Natural Born Killers
Plot: Mickey and Mallory are in love. In fact they do everything together. This includes going on a cross-country killing spree that ends up making them into national celebrities.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This is one of my particular favorites on this list. The amount of violence in this film is earth-shattering. Bodies drop every single scene. In fact, the violence in this film was so bad, that it influenced many "copycat" killers who shaved their heads and went on killing sprees around their hometown.
Mother's Shame Factor: 8
#2 Caligula
Plot: This film tells the story of Rome's most infamous emperor-- Caligula. His life seems stranger than fiction, and it is hard to separate the legend from fact-- but then again, maybe that's what draws us to his character.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: Three words for you: unsimulated sex scenes. In other words, all of the sex scenes that were filmed in this movie, even the infamous "Roman orgy" scene were real. Real people, having real sex, in front of the camera...and it's not called porn.
Mother's Shame Factor: 10+ (This is a real bad one kiddies. Stay away.)
#1 Rosemary's Baby
Plot: Rosemary and Guy have new neighbors-- oh, and they happen to be a cult of Satanists. Oh, and did I mention that they're planning on her unborn baby to become the Antichrist?
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This movie freaked everybody out in the 60's. Even the clergy. In fact, it was denounced by the Catholic Church. Talk about controversy.
Mother's Shame Factor: Meh, it's mild compared to the others. I'll give it a five.
Thundercats Fan Trailer
Here's the link to check it out at WorstPreviews:
http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=11394&count=88