For The Love of God, DO NOT watch "The Happening"

I'd like to start out by saying this: M. Night Shyamalan...please stop. Just...stop. Seriously. You haven't made a good movie since Signs so just stop trying before you become this generation's Ed Wood.

Now, on to my main point.

For Halloween, a bunch of friends and I wanted to rent a scary movie. Since our video stores don't carry many of the great classics (i.e. The Shining, Last House On the Left) we were forced to choose a new scary movie. Unfortunately someone, somewhere dropped the ball and we came home with The Happening.

I knew from the opening credits that it was going to be terrible. It was like, 15 minutes of nothing but clouds and names. If you're going to do an opening credit sequence, at least do something interesting! Like, Hard Candy-- that was a pretty cool opening sequence. From there it only went downhill. It was all blood and gore (badly CG'd blood and gore, I might add) and no solid plot, character development, or drama. And the whole reason behind "the happening" is confusing and frankly, stupid.

All I can say is thank God for Mark Wahlberg. The poor guy, he tries to carry the rest of the cast (that means you Zooey Deschanel, you moppet) as well as he can, but eventually get drug down with the rest of him. He manages to keep his head above the water for most of the movie.

Good ol' Mark Wahlberg: he's an Oscar-nominated actor and he can talk to animals. Say hello to your mother for us, Marky.

So I beg you people,

Please, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, DO NOT watch The Happening! It is a complete and utter waste of two hours of your life that you will never, ever get back! There are better, more entertaining things to do with your time! Plant a tree, watch The Office, pet your dog, hug your mom, read a book (as long as it's not Twilight), do ANYTHING other that watch this movie!

If you refute this warning, then a curse upon your head! For you were warned!