No post. Just simple truth and hilarity.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
How Pathetic Am I?
The answer: very. I realized this early this morning when I went to class. One of my friends Kara asked me if I was going out with her and a bunch of other people to a club called "The Buzz" (Yeah, I know, how appropriate is that name? It's like, right next door is the club called "Slightly Inebriated" and across the street is the ever-popular haunt "Shit-Faced") Begrudgingly, I said yes. I'll repeat: Begrudgingly. I said yes. BEGRUDGINGLY.
Holy ass. I am a nineteen year old college freshman, and I am already loathing the fact that my friends are making me go out to party. How much further down on the loserdom scale can I possibly slide? I mean honestly, I'm squeezed in there between that Numa-Numa guy and Jennifer Wilbanks. I'm the true definition of homebody.
These are my defenses for not going out:
A.) They go out on Thursdays, and that's when new episodes of "The Office" comes on.
B.) I have 9 o'clock classes. I may be a morning person, but not that much of a morning person. I'm not built to stay up til' three in the morning and then get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go learn Spanish.
C.) I can't dance. The only thing you can do at these places are drink and dance. I'm not legally allowed to do the first one and I can't do the latter. I'm screwed both ways.
D.) I'm not gonna know many people there. And it's kind of hard to make conversation with other people when they're either drunk or attached to the face of someone else.
E.) I'm BROKE. As usual. So what's the point of paying ten bucks to get into a place where all I'm gonna do is sit around and stare at drunk people grinding against other drunk people?
Holy ass. I am a nineteen year old college freshman, and I am already loathing the fact that my friends are making me go out to party. How much further down on the loserdom scale can I possibly slide? I mean honestly, I'm squeezed in there between that Numa-Numa guy and Jennifer Wilbanks. I'm the true definition of homebody.
These are my defenses for not going out:
A.) They go out on Thursdays, and that's when new episodes of "The Office" comes on.
B.) I have 9 o'clock classes. I may be a morning person, but not that much of a morning person. I'm not built to stay up til' three in the morning and then get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go learn Spanish.
C.) I can't dance. The only thing you can do at these places are drink and dance. I'm not legally allowed to do the first one and I can't do the latter. I'm screwed both ways.
D.) I'm not gonna know many people there. And it's kind of hard to make conversation with other people when they're either drunk or attached to the face of someone else.
E.) I'm BROKE. As usual. So what's the point of paying ten bucks to get into a place where all I'm gonna do is sit around and stare at drunk people grinding against other drunk people?
I'm not bashing clubs-- they're fun most of the time! I'm just saying that tonight, I'm not really in the mood. But alas...the fates frown upon me and are putting me in quite a pickle: either go and suffer through the night, or stay at home and piss off your friends.
So what to do? What to do? My suite-mate is already thinking I'm gonna flake out on her... Well just call me Corn-Flake, kiddo!
That's my rant for the day.
A Little Article I Wrote For The Pine Burr
Here's a little article I wrote for the Pine Burr. I figured since it's anti-Twilight related that I'd post it here. Enjoy.
The Southern “Twilight”
by Taylor Meyers
As most of the free world is aware, there is an epidemic of “Twilight-mania” spreading amongst the modern youth. This vampire series, penned by Stephanie Meyer, tells the story of a young mortal girl who meets the ridiculously good-looking vampire Edward. Promptly, the two fall in love, drama ensues, and (per usual) true love overcomes. Unsurprisingly, these books became overnight best sellers.
But there is another series of vampire stories that are making their way out of the proverbial shadows and into the light of the mainstream: The Sookie Stackhouse Novels by southern belle Charlaine Harris. Harris’s books were first published in 2001, making a small but effective ripple in the world of written fiction. In 2008, her books were adapted for the small screen in the HBO series “True Blood”, which became an instant success. With the success of “True Blood” came the revitalization of the books, and now that people are taking notice, it seems that “Twilight” might just have some competition.
Charlaine Harris’s novels spin us a beautifully-told yarn of Sookie Stackhouse, an ordinary girl with an extraordinary attribute. The small-town cocktail waitress was born with the ability to read minds, and in a world where vampires, werewolves, and other mythical creatures exist, this power is often both a gift and a curse. The stories take place in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps, where (much like Summit) everyone knows exactly what everyone else is up to. In a world where vampires have recently made themselves known to mortals, knowing everyone’s business can be very dangerous. Strange things start to happen in Bon Temps—vampires start going missing, shape shifters are being picked off by a sniper, witches start to attack vampire leaders—and it’s up to Sookie and her gang of unusual friends to figure out who’s behind these bizarre crimes.
Harris’s novels are a refreshing and humourous new take on vampire mythology. These mysteries, which are interwoven with Southern humour and culture follow traditional vampire legend but also add their own spice to the mix. Vampires—instead of sparkling—prefer to go bar-hopping, werewolves are political powerhouses in the small towns they inhabit, and faeries are full-sized and unbelievably beautiful beings. Unlike the “Twilight” series, not everything is always sullen, serious business—in the Harris novels, the reader is bound to get a good laugh. But for the girls out there who are looking for a love story, well these books have got that too. Harris walks us through Sookie’s relationship will Bill Compton, a 157 year-old vampire. Like Bella and Edward, Sookie and Bill have their ups and downs, their good times and bad—and all experiencs are guaranteed to be strange ones.
The characters in Harris’s books are unique and unforgettable. Unlike in the “Twilight” novels, there are more mystical creatures in existence other than vampires and werewolves. Sookie’s boss and owner of the bar Merlotte’s is a shifter—a being that periodically shape-shifts into an animal. There are wild women call maenads that carry spiked staffs and attack people driving on country back-roads. There are even witches—malevolent, conniving folks who cannot be trusted by the simple people of Bon Temps. All these weird, wild, and wooly creatures culminate in wonderfully colorful tales told only the way a true Southerner can.
All of these fantastic factors culminate into a great series of vampire fiction. I wholly believe that if you are a fan of the “Twilight” series—or if you just enjoy vampire fiction in general—that you will love the Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels. You can find the titles here in McComb, at Books-A-Million in the mall. So go check out these titles today!
Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels:
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead In Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
The Southern “Twilight”
by Taylor Meyers
As most of the free world is aware, there is an epidemic of “Twilight-mania” spreading amongst the modern youth. This vampire series, penned by Stephanie Meyer, tells the story of a young mortal girl who meets the ridiculously good-looking vampire Edward. Promptly, the two fall in love, drama ensues, and (per usual) true love overcomes. Unsurprisingly, these books became overnight best sellers.
But there is another series of vampire stories that are making their way out of the proverbial shadows and into the light of the mainstream: The Sookie Stackhouse Novels by southern belle Charlaine Harris. Harris’s books were first published in 2001, making a small but effective ripple in the world of written fiction. In 2008, her books were adapted for the small screen in the HBO series “True Blood”, which became an instant success. With the success of “True Blood” came the revitalization of the books, and now that people are taking notice, it seems that “Twilight” might just have some competition.
Charlaine Harris’s novels spin us a beautifully-told yarn of Sookie Stackhouse, an ordinary girl with an extraordinary attribute. The small-town cocktail waitress was born with the ability to read minds, and in a world where vampires, werewolves, and other mythical creatures exist, this power is often both a gift and a curse. The stories take place in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps, where (much like Summit) everyone knows exactly what everyone else is up to. In a world where vampires have recently made themselves known to mortals, knowing everyone’s business can be very dangerous. Strange things start to happen in Bon Temps—vampires start going missing, shape shifters are being picked off by a sniper, witches start to attack vampire leaders—and it’s up to Sookie and her gang of unusual friends to figure out who’s behind these bizarre crimes.
Harris’s novels are a refreshing and humourous new take on vampire mythology. These mysteries, which are interwoven with Southern humour and culture follow traditional vampire legend but also add their own spice to the mix. Vampires—instead of sparkling—prefer to go bar-hopping, werewolves are political powerhouses in the small towns they inhabit, and faeries are full-sized and unbelievably beautiful beings. Unlike the “Twilight” series, not everything is always sullen, serious business—in the Harris novels, the reader is bound to get a good laugh. But for the girls out there who are looking for a love story, well these books have got that too. Harris walks us through Sookie’s relationship will Bill Compton, a 157 year-old vampire. Like Bella and Edward, Sookie and Bill have their ups and downs, their good times and bad—and all experiencs are guaranteed to be strange ones.
The characters in Harris’s books are unique and unforgettable. Unlike in the “Twilight” novels, there are more mystical creatures in existence other than vampires and werewolves. Sookie’s boss and owner of the bar Merlotte’s is a shifter—a being that periodically shape-shifts into an animal. There are wild women call maenads that carry spiked staffs and attack people driving on country back-roads. There are even witches—malevolent, conniving folks who cannot be trusted by the simple people of Bon Temps. All these weird, wild, and wooly creatures culminate in wonderfully colorful tales told only the way a true Southerner can.
All of these fantastic factors culminate into a great series of vampire fiction. I wholly believe that if you are a fan of the “Twilight” series—or if you just enjoy vampire fiction in general—that you will love the Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels. You can find the titles here in McComb, at Books-A-Million in the mall. So go check out these titles today!
Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse Novels:
Dead Until Dark
Living Dead In Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Hands down, one of the best-made films of the new year and of 2008. Simply put: beautifully done. David Fincher's films just get better and better.
Benjamin Button was quite a departure from Fincher, who has been the mastermind behind cinematic jewels such as Fight Club, Zodiac, and Se7en. Benjamin Button is the drama/romance/fantasy story of a man who ages backwards. Born to a father who doesn't want him, Benjamin is raised by a young couple who runs a nursing home in 1930's New Orleans. At the age of five, he meets the love of his life-- a young ballerina named Daisy. As time rolls on, Daisy and Benjamin are faced with the hardships of life: both normal and unusual. We the audience are taken along the road of history and life, as told through Benjamin's eyes.
Now that we're done with the synopsis, it's on to the criticism!
This is the first film in cinema history to be film entirely in digital, which I believe made it easier for Fincher to work with all the aging effects. The camera work and the colors will put you in awe. Camera work is typical, brilliant Fincher-- simplistic, but not infantile. Every shot is framed up beautifully, almost as if he was planning on each one to be a photo. The color is also tell-tale Fincher. The palette is saturated, but not to the point where it is overwhelming. It is like a beautiful telling of reality with a little notch up.
One of the most impressive factors of the film is pacing. The movie is extremely long-- about 2 hours and 15 minutes-- but the pacing is so well done that you don't even realize you've been in the theatre that long. You're never bored with a scene, nor are you confused. Absolutely. Perfect.
Special effects in this move are seamless. They literally took Brad Pitt's digitally-aged head and stuck it on a kids aged body. I don't know how they did it, but it look awesome. I'm not so big on CG stuff (meaning I don't know much about that stuff) but this got me all excited.
Acting, of course, is well done. There are several unique characters Fincher invented for Benjamin to meet and the actors portraying these people are fantastic. Cate Blanchette balances the audience love/hate thing well for her character Daisy, as well as giving a believable performance as a woman faced with the inevitability of a doomed love. Brad Pitt does what Brad Pitt does best and manages to draw you in (not only with his looks) but with his stoic performances. He plays the perfect New Orleans gentlemen, from his fedora-topped head down to his winged-tipped loafers. Other, more minor characters, also earn merit for their small parts. Tilda Swinton plays perfectly as Benjamin's old flame, Elizabeth and Jared Harris is a brilliant and lewd comic-relief as Captain Mike.
As far as I'm concerned, this film earned every single Golden Globe it was nominated for. It's a beautiful, human, heartwrenching tale of love, loss, and (ultimately) the lives we choose to lead.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Upcoming Superhero Films: You Cast 'Em!
So in recent news, it has been announced that--because of those bastards over at Fox-- that Warner Brothers is putting a hold on production of all their DC superhero films. These films were set to usher in superheroes like Wonder Woman, Superman, the Flash, and Supermax.
Other studios are also attempting to launch superhero movies such as Captain America and Thor.
I'm taking this opportunity to give my opinion on casting. Some of these may seem far-fetched, but hear me out!
Wonder Woman: Carla Gugino (Sin City, Watchmen)
Superman: Brandon Routh (meh, he's a pretty okay Superman)
The Green Lantern: Derek Luke (Friday Night Lights)
The Flash: Ryan Reynolds has always been my choice. But now that he's Deadpool, I dunno if he can play the flash as well...
Supermax: Taylor Lautner (Twilight)
Captain America: Brad Pitt (yeah, that's a little bit of a casting fantasy for me)
Thor: Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights, Troy), Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy, Cold Mountain)
In wake of The Dark Knight fans have been waiting on bated breath to hear about the third installment of Nolan's fantastic franchise. We've heard realistic casting rumours such as Johnny Depp as the Riddler, Rachel Weisz as Catwoman, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin. Some of our fantasies came true when we heard the Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman, and some of us just laughed our asses off when we heard Eddie Murphy wanted to be the Riddler. Well, now it's our turn. Here's my ideas for villians and casting:
The Riddler: Johnny Depp. What can I say, he's perfect for this role!
The Penguin: Philip Seymour Hoffman. He makes for a pretty good villain.
Catwoman: I dunno. This is a toughie. I'd have to leave this up to Nolan.
Poison Ivy: Bryce Dallas Howard, Tilda Swinton (ooh, she'd be a creepy Poison Ivy)
Killer Croc: Isaac C. Singleton Jr. (Pirates of the Caribbean)
So there ya go. That's my fantasy casting for these future superhero films. Now, I wanna know who ya'll would want to be cast in some of these roles. So go comment kiddies!
Other studios are also attempting to launch superhero movies such as Captain America and Thor.
I'm taking this opportunity to give my opinion on casting. Some of these may seem far-fetched, but hear me out!
Wonder Woman: Carla Gugino (Sin City, Watchmen)
Superman: Brandon Routh (meh, he's a pretty okay Superman)
The Green Lantern: Derek Luke (Friday Night Lights)
The Flash: Ryan Reynolds has always been my choice. But now that he's Deadpool, I dunno if he can play the flash as well...
Supermax: Taylor Lautner (Twilight)
Captain America: Brad Pitt (yeah, that's a little bit of a casting fantasy for me)
Thor: Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights, Troy), Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy, Cold Mountain)
In wake of The Dark Knight fans have been waiting on bated breath to hear about the third installment of Nolan's fantastic franchise. We've heard realistic casting rumours such as Johnny Depp as the Riddler, Rachel Weisz as Catwoman, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin. Some of our fantasies came true when we heard the Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman, and some of us just laughed our asses off when we heard Eddie Murphy wanted to be the Riddler. Well, now it's our turn. Here's my ideas for villians and casting:
The Riddler: Johnny Depp. What can I say, he's perfect for this role!
The Penguin: Philip Seymour Hoffman. He makes for a pretty good villain.
Catwoman: I dunno. This is a toughie. I'd have to leave this up to Nolan.
Poison Ivy: Bryce Dallas Howard, Tilda Swinton (ooh, she'd be a creepy Poison Ivy)
Killer Croc: Isaac C. Singleton Jr. (Pirates of the Caribbean)
So there ya go. That's my fantasy casting for these future superhero films. Now, I wanna know who ya'll would want to be cast in some of these roles. So go comment kiddies!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Top Ten Movie Heroes and Villains
#10 Hero: Indiana Jones
Why He's A Hero: He's book-smart, he's tough, he's a smartass, and he always gets the girl. Plus, he's a big softy when it comes to ancient relics. Instead of hocking them on the black market, he diligently proclaims that "it belongs in a museum." *Sigh* We love you Dr. Jones.
Why He's A Hero: He's book-smart, he's tough, he's a smartass, and he always gets the girl. Plus, he's a big softy when it comes to ancient relics. Instead of hocking them on the black market, he diligently proclaims that "it belongs in a museum." *Sigh* We love you Dr. Jones.
Villainous One-Liner: "I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog too!" Hates little farm girls and small animals-- you can't get much meaner than that. Plus, she's green! When someone is green, you know that they're pretty villainous.
#9 Hero: R.P. McMurphy
Heroic Qualities: Crazy, funny, sexy (in that early Jack Nicholson way,) and IRISH! He led a bunch of run-down, low-life, nuts against the proverbial "system" in Nurse Ratched. Everyone loves a rebel. How much more heroism to you need?!
#9 Villain: Bill Lumbergh
Why He's A Villain: The drawling voice, those loud ties, and that mug...what about this guy doesn't scream evil?! He makes Peter Gibbons work on weekends, refuses to get that damned copy machine fixed, and he took Milton's little red stapler.
# 8 Hero(es): The Fellowship of the Ring
Heroism 101: These guys showed us what the meaning of teammwork and heroism are-- and they did it in tights. The Fellowship managed to overcome racial differences (because dwarves don't roll with elves) and temptations (we're talking to you Boromir) and overthrew a big ol' evil eye. Impressive.
# 8 Villain: Sauron
Why He's Evil: He's an eye. Just an eye. That's it. And yet somehow he managed to gather armies around Middle Earth and wreak havoc on all good folks. That's pretty bad ass.
#7 Hero: Marv
An Unconventional Hero: Yeah, he's big. Yeah, he's ugly. And yeah, maybe he does get a little too violent sometimes. But, hey, that's why we love him! This Sin City hero won our hearts over with his soft spot for dames and made us cheer for the slightly dysfunctional underdog when he sought revenge for his hooker with a heart of gold. You go, Marv!#9 Hero: R.P. McMurphy
Heroic Qualities: Crazy, funny, sexy (in that early Jack Nicholson way,) and IRISH! He led a bunch of run-down, low-life, nuts against the proverbial "system" in Nurse Ratched. Everyone loves a rebel. How much more heroism to you need?!
#9 Villain: Bill Lumbergh
Why He's A Villain: The drawling voice, those loud ties, and that mug...what about this guy doesn't scream evil?! He makes Peter Gibbons work on weekends, refuses to get that damned copy machine fixed, and he took Milton's little red stapler.
# 8 Hero(es): The Fellowship of the Ring
Heroism 101: These guys showed us what the meaning of teammwork and heroism are-- and they did it in tights. The Fellowship managed to overcome racial differences (because dwarves don't roll with elves) and temptations (we're talking to you Boromir) and overthrew a big ol' evil eye. Impressive.
# 8 Villain: Sauron
Why He's Evil: He's an eye. Just an eye. That's it. And yet somehow he managed to gather armies around Middle Earth and wreak havoc on all good folks. That's pretty bad ass.
#7 Hero: Marv
#7 Villain: Joan Crawford
Eyebrows of Evil: Go ahead, try looking at a wire hanger without thinking of Joan Crawford...you can't, can you? Not after seeing Mommie Dearest. This woman just eeked villian-- from her perfectly manicured toes all the way up to her hellaciously thick eyebrows. Holy hell, she could've took one of those off and beat you to death with it. Nothing screams evil like thick, dark eyebrows...
#6 Hero: Luke Skywalker
Why He's A Hero: Yeah, yeah, some say that Han Solo should be the hero but I tend to disagree. Luke took the ultimate hero's journey and discovered his ability to be a master Jedi, rejected the Dark Side, and ultimately saved his father's soul. Good for you Luke...good for you...
#6 Villain: Alex Forrest
My Personal Vendetta: Okay, so maybe I list her as a villain for personal reasons. But after Fatal Attraction men everywhere got the idea that blond, curly-headed women are absolutely psycho. And for that, I blame Alex Forrest. Glenn Close, you gave all of us curly-haired blondies a bad name. Shame. On. You.
#5 Hero: General George Patton
#5 Villain: William Longshanks
Best Villain In Tights: This Braveheart baddie managed to strike fear in our hearts all while wearing tights! Do you know how hard it is to take someone seriously when they're wearing tights?
#4 Hero: Cool Hand Luke
Why He's A Hero: The dude can eat fifty eggs in an hour. Fifty! Plus, he managed to rile together a rag-tag chain gang into one big bromance fest. Awesome.
#4 Villain: Humans in Bambi
Sucks To Be Us: C'mon, you have to admit that after you saw Bambi, you hated being human. All they did was kill poor Bambi's parents and wreak havoc on all the cuddly animals in the forest. Man, we just suck at life don't we?
#3 Hero: Rocky
What?: We couldn't understand a word this mush-mouth boxer said, but we just loved the way he said it! He was so great, that filmmakers found it necessary to make five more films about him. And all of em were ten kinds of awesome.
#3 Villain: Jack Torrance
Most Quoted/Parodied Line Ever: "Heeeeeeere's Johnny!!"
#2 Hero: James Bond
#2 Villain: Hannibal Lector
Second Most Quoted/Parodies Line Ever: "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
#1 Hero: Batman
Why He's More Amazing Than Superman: This man changed my life. His is, quite possibly, the most awesome super hero that ever roamed the face of the fictional planet. He's smart, he's sexy, he's rich, and he fights crime! What more can anyone ask for? Superpowers? Pssh, who needs 'em? They're for those pussies like Superman. Plus, Batman doesn't need tights-- he already looks good.
#1 Villain: The Emperor
Creepy Guy In A Robe: No, it's not the Pope. Although they are eerily similar... But this guy orchestrated the fall of the Republic and personally built the Empire with his own two hands-- all by smooth-talking a bunch of aliens. Pretty villainous.
The Five Most Overrated Movies Ever
So you ever hear about these movies that critics proclaim as "fantastic" and "the best movie of the year?" And you thought, "Really? That's what the critics think are cool? What the hell?" Well, these are those movies. Except I think that they are some of the most overrated films that have ever existed.
#5 The Notebook
Why It's Overrated: It's just one big ball of sickening, cheesetastic romance cliches. I'm probably the only thing with a uterus that hates this film and I catch flak for it from every girl I know. It's one terrible romantic cliche after another, for two friggin' hours: oh, he writes a letter every day of the year; oh, she's rich and her parents don't want her dating a poor guy; oh, they die together in the end. GIVE ME A BREAK! THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN I REAL LIFE! It's just one big farce that will never, ever happen to any of us in real life. And the worst part is that every being that possessed a vagina fell for it. Damn.
#4 Scarface
Why It's Overrated: Sorry all you dudes out there-- including all the rappers/gangstas. This movie is highly overrated to me. That's just my opinion, and I am prepared for your scathing comments. It was a badly written, badly filmed hunk o' violent crap that, for some odd reason, every dude likes. Being a fan of typical "dude movies" myself, I can understand violence and the word "f***" being said every two seconds, but c'mon it should at least be backed up with reason. Al Pacino is a fine actor, but if you wanna see some of his real work, go for Dog Day Afternoon, Heat or even Glengarry Glen Ross for God's sake. Even if you don't think that this film is overrated, you have to admit that it's the worst gangster film ever made.
#3 Monster's Ball
Why It's Overrated: I still don't understand why Halle Berry won a Best Actress Oscar for this film. I mean, she was against Ellen Burstyn and Laura Linney for crying out loud-- the women are stiff contenders! I just think this was a reason to show Halle Berry naked...again (I'm looking at you Swordfish.)
#2 2001: Space Oddysey
Why It's Overrated: Now, I'm guilty of loving this film. I really do like Space Odyssey-- but it's just so damn long and boring. It has its moments, and it has its memorable lines ("I'm afraid I can't allow that Dave.") and, at the time, it was a visual achievement. But still, why did Kubrick have to force us to sit through 20 grueling minutes of silent before anyone ever spoke? Every. Single. Time. That's why this film makes the list: for making the audience wanna scream "SOMETHING HAPPEN!" every long, boring minute.
#1 The Matrix
Why It's Overrated: This is quite possibly the most self-righteous movie ever. "Oh, look at us, we can do wire tricks! Oh we set the bar high for technology in movies in the nineties!" That still doesn't excuse a foggy plot and the fact Keanu Reeves is your leading man. I blame this film for a generation of computer geeks who still think they look good in leather. You don't dude. So stop it with the floor-length leather coat in the middle of June.
#5 The Notebook
Why It's Overrated: It's just one big ball of sickening, cheesetastic romance cliches. I'm probably the only thing with a uterus that hates this film and I catch flak for it from every girl I know. It's one terrible romantic cliche after another, for two friggin' hours: oh, he writes a letter every day of the year; oh, she's rich and her parents don't want her dating a poor guy; oh, they die together in the end. GIVE ME A BREAK! THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN I REAL LIFE! It's just one big farce that will never, ever happen to any of us in real life. And the worst part is that every being that possessed a vagina fell for it. Damn.
#4 Scarface
Why It's Overrated: Sorry all you dudes out there-- including all the rappers/gangstas. This movie is highly overrated to me. That's just my opinion, and I am prepared for your scathing comments. It was a badly written, badly filmed hunk o' violent crap that, for some odd reason, every dude likes. Being a fan of typical "dude movies" myself, I can understand violence and the word "f***" being said every two seconds, but c'mon it should at least be backed up with reason. Al Pacino is a fine actor, but if you wanna see some of his real work, go for Dog Day Afternoon, Heat or even Glengarry Glen Ross for God's sake. Even if you don't think that this film is overrated, you have to admit that it's the worst gangster film ever made.
#3 Monster's Ball
Why It's Overrated: I still don't understand why Halle Berry won a Best Actress Oscar for this film. I mean, she was against Ellen Burstyn and Laura Linney for crying out loud-- the women are stiff contenders! I just think this was a reason to show Halle Berry naked...again (I'm looking at you Swordfish.)
#2 2001: Space Oddysey
Why It's Overrated: Now, I'm guilty of loving this film. I really do like Space Odyssey-- but it's just so damn long and boring. It has its moments, and it has its memorable lines ("I'm afraid I can't allow that Dave.") and, at the time, it was a visual achievement. But still, why did Kubrick have to force us to sit through 20 grueling minutes of silent before anyone ever spoke? Every. Single. Time. That's why this film makes the list: for making the audience wanna scream "SOMETHING HAPPEN!" every long, boring minute.
#1 The Matrix
Why It's Overrated: This is quite possibly the most self-righteous movie ever. "Oh, look at us, we can do wire tricks! Oh we set the bar high for technology in movies in the nineties!" That still doesn't excuse a foggy plot and the fact Keanu Reeves is your leading man. I blame this film for a generation of computer geeks who still think they look good in leather. You don't dude. So stop it with the floor-length leather coat in the middle of June.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Review: Pineapple Express
To put it simply, this is probably the best stoner film I've ever seen. Normally, stoner-flicks follow a simple formula: 2 potheads + 1 vehicle + X amount of crazy folks = SHENANIGANS! Pineapple Express stays faithful to this time-tested formula, but it also chooses to go its own way.
Dale Denton is a twenty-something process server who is slowly slipping into a life of loserdoem. This descent is painfully highlighted by the fact that he is dating a high school girl, that he has a job in which everyone hates him, and that he constantly smokes weed. His only real friend is his dealer-- the strange and occasionally insightful Saul Silver. Together the two make for a beautiful bromance. They sit around, reminiscing on the halcyon days all the while hitting the chronic and getting baked. But their mellow is soon harshed when Dale witnesses a killing that connects him to a web of underground drug dealings. Dale and Saul have no option other than to run, and what results from this chase is nothing short of a riot.
I have never seen more perfect casting in a comedy film. Judd Apatow did a seamless job of finding the right folks to play these memorable parts. Seth Rogen plays the part of semi-straight-laced, twenty-something, lovable loser fantastically. James Franco blew me away as the burn-out Saul Silver. He manages to balance that line between truth and stereotype. He reminds the viewer of that someone that everyone knows. Together, these two form a bromance that rivals Cool Hand Luke and Dragline's. Their scenes together are so genuine and sweet, that you kinda have this weird feeling that you want 'em to be together. Franco even coins a term for what the two men are: BFFF's-- Best F***ing Friends Forever!
The real scene-stealer in this film is Danny McBride who plays Red. The paranoid drug dealer is one of the greatest characters of 2008. His whole demeanor is wonderfully contradictory: one minute, he's mister suave and cool ("Look at me, man-- I'm wearing a kimono.") the next he's a freaking manic, killing machine ("You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, muthaf***er!") He manages to hold his own against comedic powerhouses like Rogen and Gary Cole, and I suspect that this guy is a rising funny star.
One thing I'm wondering is this: why does Gary Cole always play an asshole? He was Bill Lumbergh in Office Space, he was the douchey drug-addict Reese Bobby in Talladega Nights, and now he plays a corrupt and evil drug dealer in Pineapple Express. This guy is like the funny version of Tom Wilkinson, he's just really good at being a dick. Anyway, that was just a random thought I threw in there.
So all in all, Pineapple Express is a stoner movie that got it all and then some: great cast, great laughs, good heart, and it won't leave you with the munchies after you're done.
Dale Denton is a twenty-something process server who is slowly slipping into a life of loserdoem. This descent is painfully highlighted by the fact that he is dating a high school girl, that he has a job in which everyone hates him, and that he constantly smokes weed. His only real friend is his dealer-- the strange and occasionally insightful Saul Silver. Together the two make for a beautiful bromance. They sit around, reminiscing on the halcyon days all the while hitting the chronic and getting baked. But their mellow is soon harshed when Dale witnesses a killing that connects him to a web of underground drug dealings. Dale and Saul have no option other than to run, and what results from this chase is nothing short of a riot.
I have never seen more perfect casting in a comedy film. Judd Apatow did a seamless job of finding the right folks to play these memorable parts. Seth Rogen plays the part of semi-straight-laced, twenty-something, lovable loser fantastically. James Franco blew me away as the burn-out Saul Silver. He manages to balance that line between truth and stereotype. He reminds the viewer of that someone that everyone knows. Together, these two form a bromance that rivals Cool Hand Luke and Dragline's. Their scenes together are so genuine and sweet, that you kinda have this weird feeling that you want 'em to be together. Franco even coins a term for what the two men are: BFFF's-- Best F***ing Friends Forever!
The real scene-stealer in this film is Danny McBride who plays Red. The paranoid drug dealer is one of the greatest characters of 2008. His whole demeanor is wonderfully contradictory: one minute, he's mister suave and cool ("Look at me, man-- I'm wearing a kimono.") the next he's a freaking manic, killing machine ("You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, muthaf***er!") He manages to hold his own against comedic powerhouses like Rogen and Gary Cole, and I suspect that this guy is a rising funny star.
One thing I'm wondering is this: why does Gary Cole always play an asshole? He was Bill Lumbergh in Office Space, he was the douchey drug-addict Reese Bobby in Talladega Nights, and now he plays a corrupt and evil drug dealer in Pineapple Express. This guy is like the funny version of Tom Wilkinson, he's just really good at being a dick. Anyway, that was just a random thought I threw in there.
So all in all, Pineapple Express is a stoner movie that got it all and then some: great cast, great laughs, good heart, and it won't leave you with the munchies after you're done.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
5 Films Your Mom Doesn't Want You To See
Remember when you were little and your parents used to watch their "grown-up" movies and they'd send you to bed early so you wouldn't see it? And remember how you used to sneak back into the living room anyway so you could catch a glimpse of said black-listed film? Well these films are just like that. No matter how old you get, you're mom would definitely be disappointed if she ever caught you watching these films.
#5 Imprint
Plot: In the late 19th century, an American travels to Japan to find the woman he loved and lost-- a prostitute from a strange island. What he finds on the island of whores and demons is nothing short of terrifying and shocking.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This movie has everything it takes to be a "bad" movie-- rape, prostitution, violence, abortion, incest, torture, bad accents, and then some. A friend of mine suggested it to me as "one of the freakiest movies" he'd ever seen. Lemme tell you folks, "freaky" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Mother's Shame Factor: On a scale of one to ten, we'll say a seven.
#4 Blue Velvet
Plot: When a young man finds a severed ear in a field in his home town, the simple lacerated human appendage launches a mystery that is filled with dark secrets.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This throwback to the 50's noir films was originally called depraved, dark, vulgar, and silly. With its raw displays of human psychoses and sexual flaws, the film was forever condemned as a "smart, dirty movie."
Mother's Shame Factor: Six
#3 Natural Born Killers
Plot: Mickey and Mallory are in love. In fact they do everything together. This includes going on a cross-country killing spree that ends up making them into national celebrities.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This is one of my particular favorites on this list. The amount of violence in this film is earth-shattering. Bodies drop every single scene. In fact, the violence in this film was so bad, that it influenced many "copycat" killers who shaved their heads and went on killing sprees around their hometown.
Mother's Shame Factor: 8
#2 Caligula
Plot: This film tells the story of Rome's most infamous emperor-- Caligula. His life seems stranger than fiction, and it is hard to separate the legend from fact-- but then again, maybe that's what draws us to his character.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: Three words for you: unsimulated sex scenes. In other words, all of the sex scenes that were filmed in this movie, even the infamous "Roman orgy" scene were real. Real people, having real sex, in front of the camera...and it's not called porn.
Mother's Shame Factor: 10+ (This is a real bad one kiddies. Stay away.)
#1 Rosemary's Baby
Plot: Rosemary and Guy have new neighbors-- oh, and they happen to be a cult of Satanists. Oh, and did I mention that they're planning on her unborn baby to become the Antichrist?
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This movie freaked everybody out in the 60's. Even the clergy. In fact, it was denounced by the Catholic Church. Talk about controversy.
Mother's Shame Factor: Meh, it's mild compared to the others. I'll give it a five.
#5 Imprint
Plot: In the late 19th century, an American travels to Japan to find the woman he loved and lost-- a prostitute from a strange island. What he finds on the island of whores and demons is nothing short of terrifying and shocking.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This movie has everything it takes to be a "bad" movie-- rape, prostitution, violence, abortion, incest, torture, bad accents, and then some. A friend of mine suggested it to me as "one of the freakiest movies" he'd ever seen. Lemme tell you folks, "freaky" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Mother's Shame Factor: On a scale of one to ten, we'll say a seven.
#4 Blue Velvet
Plot: When a young man finds a severed ear in a field in his home town, the simple lacerated human appendage launches a mystery that is filled with dark secrets.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This throwback to the 50's noir films was originally called depraved, dark, vulgar, and silly. With its raw displays of human psychoses and sexual flaws, the film was forever condemned as a "smart, dirty movie."
Mother's Shame Factor: Six
#3 Natural Born Killers
Plot: Mickey and Mallory are in love. In fact they do everything together. This includes going on a cross-country killing spree that ends up making them into national celebrities.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This is one of my particular favorites on this list. The amount of violence in this film is earth-shattering. Bodies drop every single scene. In fact, the violence in this film was so bad, that it influenced many "copycat" killers who shaved their heads and went on killing sprees around their hometown.
Mother's Shame Factor: 8
#2 Caligula
Plot: This film tells the story of Rome's most infamous emperor-- Caligula. His life seems stranger than fiction, and it is hard to separate the legend from fact-- but then again, maybe that's what draws us to his character.
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: Three words for you: unsimulated sex scenes. In other words, all of the sex scenes that were filmed in this movie, even the infamous "Roman orgy" scene were real. Real people, having real sex, in front of the camera...and it's not called porn.
Mother's Shame Factor: 10+ (This is a real bad one kiddies. Stay away.)
#1 Rosemary's Baby
Plot: Rosemary and Guy have new neighbors-- oh, and they happen to be a cult of Satanists. Oh, and did I mention that they're planning on her unborn baby to become the Antichrist?
Why It's Bad, Bad, Bad: This movie freaked everybody out in the 60's. Even the clergy. In fact, it was denounced by the Catholic Church. Talk about controversy.
Mother's Shame Factor: Meh, it's mild compared to the others. I'll give it a five.
Thundercats Fan Trailer
So a few weeks ago, this fan trailer for the yet-made Thundercats: The Movie made its debut online. I must say, it's pretty impressive. Whoever made this used a method called rotoscoping, which is basically just painting over frames. It was used in the film A Scanner Darkly. The fan trailer casts pretty high as well: Brad Pitt as Lion-O, Hugh Jackman as Tygra, Vin Diesel as Panthro, and Halle Berry as Cheetara.
Here's the link to check it out at WorstPreviews:
http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=11394&count=88
Here's the link to check it out at WorstPreviews:
http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=11394&count=88
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
