There are four Watchmen clips now online. I demand that you go and view them now. NOW I SAY!!!
Here's the link (from my usual well of awesomeness WorstPreviews.com. It's the last four clips.)
http://www.worstpreviews.com/media.php?id=590&place=trailer
I myself had a slight geekgasm after I watched these...but you......didn't really wanna know that....sorry.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
My Favorite Boozy Windbags
This is probably the most random list I've ever made. But I realize I have a penchant for loving boozy, self-righteous windbags. I love the rants they go on, I love the DUI's they get charged with, but most of all I love they epic amounts of crazy they harbor in those big heads of thiers.
#5 Joan Rivers
The Fabulous Windbag: This woman has been in show business since the 1970's, and she hasn't been able to blink since 1998! This botox-fueled, loud-mouthed, sequined-bedazzled loudmouth makes the red carpet a much more interesting place for everyone. With her skiving snipes at "much-more famous" actors (ex. "Marie Osmond is such a goodie-goodie that she doesn't even have nipples, she has happy faces.") she is one of those true windbags that has that "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about me" attitude. Gotta love that.
#4 Adam West
The Batman Wind(Bat)bag: The man has managed to build his entire career around a character that he played for only two years in the 60's. That's enginuity. Just plain-old American hard work. Now he's doing amazing voice-over work for awesome shows like "Family Guy," "The Boondocks," "Johnny Bravo," and "The Fairly Oddparents." And we just can't get enough of him.
#3 Elizabeth Taylor
The Crazy Old Bat Windbag: She's old. She's got big hair. She's been married eight times. She used to be the biggest, most beautiful star on the planet. And she's awesomely nuts. Liz Taylor use to be a fine actress, playing in hits such as Cleopatra, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, Giant, and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? But like most great actors (see: Marlon Brando) Liz went crazy. But not just a little crazy, she went batshit crazy. Need examples? She and Michael Jackson were the Maid of Honor and Best Man at Liza Minelli and David Guest's wedding. She acts all confused and screechy-crazy on the red carpet (see: Howlin' Liz). I blame Michael Jackson and years of inhaling White Diamonds for her behaviour. But you know what? We still love our violet-eyed diva! Or at least, I do.
#2 William Shatner
The Trekkie Windbag: Three words: James. Tiberius. Kirk. Whether you're a Trekkie or not, you've somehow been affected by the awesoemeness that radiates off of William Shatner. He was the original captain of the Starship Enterprise, he's the Priceline Negotiator, and now he even has is own talk show called "Shatner's Raw Nerve." The man is...a...GOD! First of all, he has that cadence when he talks-- who else could pull that off? No one, I say! Second, who else could also pull off that tight lycra yellow captain's shirt in Star Trek? Nobody but Shatner! The man is amazing in too many ways to document here on this post. Just accept the fact: William Shatner is much more awesome than you. By the way, this has nothing to do with this post, but I found it disturbingly hilarious.
#1 Mel Gibson
The Jew-Hating Windbag: Who better to top this list than Mel "Sugartits" Gibson? He's an amazing actor, a fantastic director, and quite possibly the funniest, most offensive drunk alive. He's my favorite anti-Semitic guy in Hollywood. He's a very resilient guy. I mean, it takes some kind of mental strength to believe that the Holocaust was an elaborate hoax, and it takes balls to call a female cop "sugartits" when you're being arrested for DUI. BUt it's that kind of hard-headed awesomeness that makes him our favorite windbag ever. Any guy that can stick by what he said, no matter how hateful and mysoginistic it, is amazing. So, sorry Mel, the Jews are cool, I have to disagree with you on that one, but other than that we love you!
So do you also like these wonderful, alcohol-fueld windbags? Or do you have another favorite?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
American Fail
So as most of you have probably heard by now, Michael Phelps the dude who won eight gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympics got caught in a picture allegedly taking a hit out of a bong. The picture was taken at a party at the University of South Carolina where he was visiting a girl he has been seeing. Once the media got ahold of the picture, thirteen kinds of hell broke loose.
I sat on my bed in horror yesterday as I witnessed this young man being attacked by the media for this indiscretion. News anchors demanded that he be reprimanded and punished and whatnot for his herb-toking ways and pretty much tore the guy a new asshole. The more I watched, the more I got pissed.
It seems to me that Phelps needs to be cut a little bit of slack. They guy has won fourteen career gold medals, eight of which came from last year's Olympics. He hasn't had a normal life since he was 18 years-old and now that he's earned his keep, he deserves a little downtime. Besides, it was just a little pot. What 22 year-old college student hasn't smoked a little? Cut him a break.
My defense for his is also this: Paris Hilton (who is utterly talentless) can drive drunk, get arrested, and spend like two hours in jail and get off scott-free but Michael Phelps who worked his ass off to get where he is gets bitched out for taking a hit off a bong. It's absolutely sickening.
Anyway, that was kind of my rant today. Since this news came out Phelps has come to the media and apologized for his "irresponsible" behavior. Who wants to bet that all the potheads in America are gonna start sending him free weed now?
Greatest Death Scenes In Film
These are the death scenes that made us cringe, cry, and (on occasion) cheer. Whether they were gruesome, realistic, or just plain goofy, they are the greatest death scenes in cinema.
#10 Orson Welles in Citizen Kane
Viva Los Muertos! It was the death scene that launched the greatest made movie in the history of film. With the utterance of those iconic last words, "Rosebud" the death of Orson Welles' character in Citizen Kane made this scene the most parodied, hailed, and close-upped death in cinema.
#9 Paris Hilton in House of Wax
Viva Los Muertos! C'mon, who didn't want to see Paris Hilton get offed in this film? I'll be honest with you, that's the only reason I watched it. Other than that, it was a pretty crappy film.
#8 Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Viva Los Muertos! I've seen this film several times, and I still cry at the end. The intense mercy killing was a realistic portrayal of the pain people go through when loves ones suffer. The real marker that this was an intense scene was when Clint Eastwood himself started to cry. You know that when Dirty Harry cries, you're sure a hell gonna cry too.
#7 Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs
Viva Los Muertos! The prolonged, bloody death scene that lasted the entirety of the film was a brutal realistic portrayal of slow death. From the beginning when Tim Roth proclaimed (numerous times) that he was "gonna f***in' die!" to the very end when, covered in blood and tears, confessed to Mr. White his true identity-- we were drawn in every agonizing second.
#6 Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride
Viva Los Muertos! Those famous last words, "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" The self-assuredness of this villain makes for quite possibly the funniest death scene in cinema. 'Nuff said.
#5 Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Viva Los Muertos! Powerful. Heartbreaking. Chock full of man-love. When Spock got radiated and was dying, a little of us died right along with him. But what made it worse was Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his manly sniffles-- when Kirk cries every man in the world cries too. It's just a fact.
#4 Heath Ledger in The Patriot
Viva Los Muertos! I...I don't even....*sniffle* sorry....I don't even think I can get through typing this without tearing up. This was probably the first death scene that genuinely made both me and my mom bawl our eyes out. Mel Gibson (all Jew-hating drunkenness aside) does a fantastic job of playing the heartbroken father, and Heath Ledger...oh God, here it comes *sniff*...Heath Ledger showed us just how brilliant of an actor he was at such a young age. Now, it's just ten times worse to watch because of Heath's untimely death and because Mel's great case of the crazies.
#3 Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
Viva Los Muertos! This iconic death scene is one of many odd concoctions that director Oliver Stone every dreamt up. With the trippy Door's song "The End" playing in the background, this death-by-machete scene has got to be one of the most strange, symbolic, and parodied deaths in cinema. Poor old bloated Brando was saddled with the most-imitated final words "The horror...the horror..." Pretty intense stuff for the veteran actor who has been proclaimed as the best actor of all time. You can see the clip here.
#2 Holly Palance in The Omen
Viva Los Muertos! Holy hell, did this scene ever freak me out! When this nanny joyfully commited suicide for her precious little devil-spawn Damien, babysitters of the world genuinely freaked the hell out. It's pretty hard to stand out in a film riddled with bloody, gruesome deaths (i.e. impaled with a spike, thrown out of a window, decapitation) but this silent, sweet, willingness to go to the grave was by far the most disturbing.
#1 Anyone who ever died ever in a Saw film.
Viva Los Muertos! What can one say about a film franchise that builds its whole movies around exquisitely gruesome death scenes. From the very first movie, when it was purely psychological to the latest where it was just blood, guts, gore, and tits these films have the best-made death scenes of any movie around. My particular favorite? Saw 3, the lady getting slowly encased in ice. Not too icky, but certainly slow and painful. For others, the giant joint-twisting machine is good, or the original barbed-wire cage-y thing is better, and for some of you real sickos you just don't think any of them are good enough. So here's you ya'll's inner sadists! Hope ya'll enjoy the torturing to come!
#10 Orson Welles in Citizen Kane
Viva Los Muertos! It was the death scene that launched the greatest made movie in the history of film. With the utterance of those iconic last words, "Rosebud" the death of Orson Welles' character in Citizen Kane made this scene the most parodied, hailed, and close-upped death in cinema.
#9 Paris Hilton in House of Wax
Viva Los Muertos! C'mon, who didn't want to see Paris Hilton get offed in this film? I'll be honest with you, that's the only reason I watched it. Other than that, it was a pretty crappy film.
#8 Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby
Viva Los Muertos! I've seen this film several times, and I still cry at the end. The intense mercy killing was a realistic portrayal of the pain people go through when loves ones suffer. The real marker that this was an intense scene was when Clint Eastwood himself started to cry. You know that when Dirty Harry cries, you're sure a hell gonna cry too.
#7 Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs
Viva Los Muertos! The prolonged, bloody death scene that lasted the entirety of the film was a brutal realistic portrayal of slow death. From the beginning when Tim Roth proclaimed (numerous times) that he was "gonna f***in' die!" to the very end when, covered in blood and tears, confessed to Mr. White his true identity-- we were drawn in every agonizing second.
#6 Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride
Viva Los Muertos! Those famous last words, "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" The self-assuredness of this villain makes for quite possibly the funniest death scene in cinema. 'Nuff said.
#5 Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Viva Los Muertos! Powerful. Heartbreaking. Chock full of man-love. When Spock got radiated and was dying, a little of us died right along with him. But what made it worse was Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his manly sniffles-- when Kirk cries every man in the world cries too. It's just a fact.
#4 Heath Ledger in The Patriot
Viva Los Muertos! I...I don't even....*sniffle* sorry....I don't even think I can get through typing this without tearing up. This was probably the first death scene that genuinely made both me and my mom bawl our eyes out. Mel Gibson (all Jew-hating drunkenness aside) does a fantastic job of playing the heartbroken father, and Heath Ledger...oh God, here it comes *sniff*...Heath Ledger showed us just how brilliant of an actor he was at such a young age. Now, it's just ten times worse to watch because of Heath's untimely death and because Mel's great case of the crazies.
#3 Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now
Viva Los Muertos! This iconic death scene is one of many odd concoctions that director Oliver Stone every dreamt up. With the trippy Door's song "The End" playing in the background, this death-by-machete scene has got to be one of the most strange, symbolic, and parodied deaths in cinema. Poor old bloated Brando was saddled with the most-imitated final words "The horror...the horror..." Pretty intense stuff for the veteran actor who has been proclaimed as the best actor of all time. You can see the clip here.
#2 Holly Palance in The Omen
Viva Los Muertos! Holy hell, did this scene ever freak me out! When this nanny joyfully commited suicide for her precious little devil-spawn Damien, babysitters of the world genuinely freaked the hell out. It's pretty hard to stand out in a film riddled with bloody, gruesome deaths (i.e. impaled with a spike, thrown out of a window, decapitation) but this silent, sweet, willingness to go to the grave was by far the most disturbing.
#1 Anyone who ever died ever in a Saw film.
Viva Los Muertos! What can one say about a film franchise that builds its whole movies around exquisitely gruesome death scenes. From the very first movie, when it was purely psychological to the latest where it was just blood, guts, gore, and tits these films have the best-made death scenes of any movie around. My particular favorite? Saw 3, the lady getting slowly encased in ice. Not too icky, but certainly slow and painful. For others, the giant joint-twisting machine is good, or the original barbed-wire cage-y thing is better, and for some of you real sickos you just don't think any of them are good enough. So here's you ya'll's inner sadists! Hope ya'll enjoy the torturing to come!
Five Movies We Saw Way Too Young
Okay, maybe this should be titled "Five Movies I Saw Way Too Young" but whatever. As long as I've been a movie-buff, I've been curious about those films dubbed as "taboo." Thanks to channels like IFC and HBO I was able to see a bunch of them without having to ask my parents to rent them for me. So here' s the list of films that scarred me for life.
#5 Leprechaun
My Age: 5
How It Scarred Me For Life: This movie scared me so bad that I hated being Irish for a few years. Okay, so maybe this movie isn't really that scary, but when you're five anything with demented midgets is gonna frighten the mess out of you.
#4 Titanic
My Age: 7
How It Scarred Me For Life: This was my first ever nude/sex scene. Me and my cousin (who was, coincidentally, younger than me)holed up in my room right before Hurricane Georges and watched this film. It wasn't so much the nudity that bothered me, it was the sinking scenes. Seeing hundreds of dead, frozen, floating bodies isn't exactly a walk in the park for a seven year-old. I ran out of the room about halfway through the second tape and cried in my mom's lap. I made her promise that her and my dad would never go on a cruise. They never have.
#3 Cleopatra
My Age: 8
How It Scarred Me For Life: This isn't the Elizabeth Taylor movie, this was some random made-for-TV miniseries. Of course, since it was a made-for-TV miniseries, they injected in as much lusty fumblings and innuendo as humanly possible. But what was really traumatizing was the birth of Cleopatra's son Cesarean. I was watching it with my mom and she instructed me to cover my eyes. I refused, and she warned me "Okay, but you're not gonna like it." No. No I did not. It was terrifying for a kid like me. So from then on in I always listened to my mom.
#2 Boogie Nights
My Age: 14
How It Scarred Me For Life: Four words: thirteen inch prosthetic penis. Yes, you read rightly. Mark Wahlberg's legendary porn star character Dirk Diggler shows us his happy bits in the last five minutes of the film. Other than that, the rest of the movie isn't that dirty at all. But at fourteen it's pretty traumatizing to sit through a two-hour film about the rise and fall of a porn star and think near the end, "Oh that wasn't that bad at all...OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT REAL?!" Not a very pleasant surprise at all.
#1 The Exorcist
My Age: 10
How It Scarred Me For Life: Chalk this up to pure cat-killing curiosity. My mom talked about walking out of The Exorcist when my dad took her to see it, and my dad talked about it scaring him back to mass after watching it. That kind of horror seems pretty powerful. So one day when I was home alone I watched this film on AMC. It was edited (heavily) and it still scared the bejeesus out of me. That is intensity. I've only ever seen the real version once, and I freaked out so bad that I slept with my that night. But maybe I'm just a baby. My I get freaked out so bad because I'm Catholic. Or maybe because this is the SCARIEST FREAKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
#5 Leprechaun
My Age: 5
How It Scarred Me For Life: This movie scared me so bad that I hated being Irish for a few years. Okay, so maybe this movie isn't really that scary, but when you're five anything with demented midgets is gonna frighten the mess out of you.
#4 Titanic
My Age: 7
How It Scarred Me For Life: This was my first ever nude/sex scene. Me and my cousin (who was, coincidentally, younger than me)holed up in my room right before Hurricane Georges and watched this film. It wasn't so much the nudity that bothered me, it was the sinking scenes. Seeing hundreds of dead, frozen, floating bodies isn't exactly a walk in the park for a seven year-old. I ran out of the room about halfway through the second tape and cried in my mom's lap. I made her promise that her and my dad would never go on a cruise. They never have.
#3 Cleopatra
My Age: 8
How It Scarred Me For Life: This isn't the Elizabeth Taylor movie, this was some random made-for-TV miniseries. Of course, since it was a made-for-TV miniseries, they injected in as much lusty fumblings and innuendo as humanly possible. But what was really traumatizing was the birth of Cleopatra's son Cesarean. I was watching it with my mom and she instructed me to cover my eyes. I refused, and she warned me "Okay, but you're not gonna like it." No. No I did not. It was terrifying for a kid like me. So from then on in I always listened to my mom.
#2 Boogie Nights
My Age: 14
How It Scarred Me For Life: Four words: thirteen inch prosthetic penis. Yes, you read rightly. Mark Wahlberg's legendary porn star character Dirk Diggler shows us his happy bits in the last five minutes of the film. Other than that, the rest of the movie isn't that dirty at all. But at fourteen it's pretty traumatizing to sit through a two-hour film about the rise and fall of a porn star and think near the end, "Oh that wasn't that bad at all...OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT REAL?!" Not a very pleasant surprise at all.
#1 The Exorcist
My Age: 10
How It Scarred Me For Life: Chalk this up to pure cat-killing curiosity. My mom talked about walking out of The Exorcist when my dad took her to see it, and my dad talked about it scaring him back to mass after watching it. That kind of horror seems pretty powerful. So one day when I was home alone I watched this film on AMC. It was edited (heavily) and it still scared the bejeesus out of me. That is intensity. I've only ever seen the real version once, and I freaked out so bad that I slept with my that night. But maybe I'm just a baby. My I get freaked out so bad because I'm Catholic. Or maybe because this is the SCARIEST FREAKING MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
So what were the films that you saw way too young? And are you permanently damaged from then now?
Monday, February 2, 2009
You Don't Mess With The Batman
We all heard about Batman Christian Bale getting arrested for pushing his mother and sister around before a The Dark Knight premiere. Well apparantly, that isn't even the beginning of this guy's nasty temper. Gossip show TMZ got ahold of some audio in which Bale curses and screams at a crewmember on the set of Terminator Salvation. TMZ has known to fudge some stuff before, so nobody really knows the authenticity of this audio. But you can be the judge of that. Listen to the audio here.
So what do you think? Do you think this is fake? Or do you believe that Bale just has on helluva temper?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
WTF: The Comedian Is On Grey's Anatomy
So, last Thursday I sat down to my usual viewing of "The Office." It was a fantastically hilarious episode, as usual (see, "Hilary Swank: Hot or Not" debate,) but after it was over I was bored and had nothing else to do. One of my suitemates was off studying somewhere, and the other was doing her usual thing of partying and debauchery. Well, I picked myself up and walked myself next door to my friend KP's room. When I walked in, I discovered that she was immersed in an episode of "Grey's Anatomy." Now, I'm one of the few vagina-possessing creatures that doesn't really like this show. I find it unrealistic in that icky way. I myself have never had a smoking-hot doctor, nor have anyone I ever known ever gotten laid by their hot lady doctors.
But I digress.
I decided to watch anyway, and had KP talk me through what was happening. Which basically went like this:
"Okay, so he was a patient of hers and they fell in love and then he died... And now she's seeing his ghost and they slept together, although I don't know how you can sleep with a ghost... Oh and this kid is dying 'cause he can't get organs and I think he dies at the end of this episode... But anyway, this guy is in prison and he got sick and now she's taking care of him... Oh but the ghost guy is coming back for her cause it's like her time y'know what I'm saying?"
But again, I digress.
Anyway, while I was trying to muscle my way past Katharing Heigl's bad acting, I noticed that her ghostly lover was in fact Jeffrey Dean Morgan-- the guy who plays the Comedian in the upcoming Watchmen film! How awkward is that? Upon realizing this, I simply turned around to KP and said, "Y'know they killed him off to give him an actual acting career right?" Which was kinda mean.
But it is quite odd that he went from being the "sensitive, dying guy" to a total badass, cigar-smoking, manly hot, vigilante. Given his semi-pained look throughout the episode, I think he fits in more with the latter. All I can say is thank God for Zack Snyder and Warner Brothers for pulling him out of that dreck that is "Grey's Anatomy."
So that was your "WTF Moment of the Day."
Monday, January 26, 2009
Random Fact of the Day
Chinese filmmakers in Hong Kong are preparing to make the world's first 3-D pornographic film. The film, which is entitled 3-D Sex and Zen, will be released to wide audiences in China. It is budgeted for $4 million and is projected to be released in April.
Hmm...
Well, I guess since China is leading the world's economy and industry right now that they have a lot of extra money to spend on crap like this.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Oscar Nominations Are Here!
It's Oscar time ladies and gentlemen! It's been a long and arduous journey for some, while for others this is just another day at the rodeo. But this Oscar night is shaping up to be a great one! Here are the nominations for the main categories, my predictions for winners, my fantasy picks, and who I thought got snubbed.
Best Picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Director:
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionare)
David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Stephen Daldry (The Reader)
Projected Win: Danny Boyle
My Pick: David Fincher
Epic Snub: Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight)
Best Actor:
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Sean Penn
My Pick: Mickey Rourke
Epic Snub: I don't really have one.
Best Actress:
Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Projected Win: Kate Winslet
My Pick: Kate Winslet
Epic Snub: Cate Blanchette (The Curious Case of Benjamin)
Best Supporting Actor:
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Josh Brolin (Milk)
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Michael Shannon (The Reader)
Projected Win: Heath Ledger
My Pick: I'm calling this a tie between Heath and Robert Downey Jr.
Epic Snub: James Franco (Pineapple Express)
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Marisa Tomei
My Pick: Penelope Cruz
Epic Snub: Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road)
Best Original Screenplay:
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
WALL-E
Milk
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: In Bruges
Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Animated Feature:
WALL-E
Bolt
Kung-Fu Panda
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: Kung-Fu Panda
Best Picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Director:
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionare)
David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Stephen Daldry (The Reader)
Projected Win: Danny Boyle
My Pick: David Fincher
Epic Snub: Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight)
Best Actor:
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Sean Penn
My Pick: Mickey Rourke
Epic Snub: I don't really have one.
Best Actress:
Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Projected Win: Kate Winslet
My Pick: Kate Winslet
Epic Snub: Cate Blanchette (The Curious Case of Benjamin)
Best Supporting Actor:
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Josh Brolin (Milk)
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Michael Shannon (The Reader)
Projected Win: Heath Ledger
My Pick: I'm calling this a tie between Heath and Robert Downey Jr.
Epic Snub: James Franco (Pineapple Express)
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Projected Win: Marisa Tomei
My Pick: Penelope Cruz
Epic Snub: Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road)
Best Original Screenplay:
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
WALL-E
Milk
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: In Bruges
Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionare
Projected Win: Slumdog Millionare
My Pick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Epic Snub: The Dark Knight
Best Animated Feature:
WALL-E
Bolt
Kung-Fu Panda
Projected Win: WALL-E
My Pick: Kung-Fu Panda
Five Best Guilty Pleasure TV Shows
There are certain things that people enjoy that they don't want other people to know about. Take for example, Rick Astley. He's an annoying little British ginger kid who just happen to make one of the catchiest tunes of the eighties. Everyone loves "Never Gonna Give You Up." Absolutely everyone. Chuck Norris listens to it while he's having sex, that's how good it is to get Rick-rolled. But I digress. Rick Astley is a prime example of a "guilty pleasure," something that everyone loves but they just won't admit to it. Television is a land that is chock full of guilty pleasures that are just waiting to be mined and used by the masses of viewers! Here are a few of the best guilty pleasure shows on television:
#5 "Metalocalypse"
Spinal Tap For The Youngins: I was watching this on Adult Swim one night when my roommate came in from work, stopped, stared at the TV for a few seconds, and then turned to me and said: "What the hell are you watching?" Naturally I flipped the channel and said, "Nothing, I was just flipping through." That should say enought about this show. "Metalocalypse" is so utterly vile, so demented, so violent, that one has to be a little nutsy (or a massive metal fan) to be able to understand and enjoy it. I'm such a fan to this show that I even have the fictional band's real album-- Dethklok, the Dethablum. Pretty sad, huh?
#4 "Law and Order: SVU"
Kinda Like "CSI: Miami," Only No Horatio: And what kind of murder/rape-crime show is complete without Horatio, you ask? Well my answer is one that replaces him with Ice-T, Jayne Mansfield's daughter, a kinda-hot older dude, a gay Asian pychiatrist, Short-Skirt Lawyer Lady, and the most neurotic Jewish guy alive (right behind Woody Allen) Richard Belzer. This show is sometimes so self-righteous, so serious, that it makes fun of itself. But that's not what makes this a guilty pleasure. What makes this a guilty pleasure is the fact that when there's a marathon on USA, you have to watch. You just have to. And when you're done, the mentality you have is "Dude, I could totally get away with a crime now! I know exactly what not to do!" Admit it-- we've all thought that way at least once after watching a crime show.
#3 "America's Next Top Model"
FIERCE! Oh, Tyra Banks...where would we be today without your knowledge? You taught us how to "smile with your eyes" and how to be rockin' and fierce! You and your cohorts like the Jays gave us so many memorable lines, such as:
#2 Vintage Cartoons
How Did They Get Away With That? Remember those halcyon days of old? Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of Froot-Loops and your cartoon friends to keep you company...ah, yes, those were the good old days. Growing up, our generation had the best cartoons to go on: "Cow and Chicken," "Captain Planet," "Spongebob Squarepants," "Powerpuff Girls," "Batman: The Animated Series," "Johnny Bravo," "Dexter's Laboratory," "June Bugs," so on and so forth. But the great thing about these cartoons is that they're still funny to this day! I sat all Monday and watch a twenty-four hour "Powerpuff Girl" marathon and laughed my ass off the entire time. Of course, I'd never admit that to any of my fellow college students. The best part about old cartoons is that now that we're older, we catch subtle innuendos that we never would have when we were young. Some of the stuff in these cartoons just made me go "How the heck did they get away with that?"
#1 "Rock of Love With Bret Michaels"
Dirty, Dirty Awesomeness: What can I say? I love skanky hoes trying to get with an aging rock star with bad extensions! This show is so utterly terrible and vile that it is playing a key role in the downfall of Western civilation itself-- but it's so damn addictive! Over three seasons, we've had strippers, porn stars, rodeo girls, and "innocent" girls all vye for the heart of former Poison frontman Bret Michaels. Of course, there have been catfights. One or two girls may have been called a "d***sucker whorebag" on a few occasions. There have beens drunken debauches and many of those black-bar things scattered across bare boobs on-screen. And sure, after we watch it we feel as if we need a shower to wash off all the mainstream, corporate, mind-numbing dreck of it all. But man, we just wanna find out if Bret's ever gonna find true love or not. The utter stupidity and whoreishness of "Rock of Love" is what earns this show the number one spot.
#5 "Metalocalypse"
Spinal Tap For The Youngins: I was watching this on Adult Swim one night when my roommate came in from work, stopped, stared at the TV for a few seconds, and then turned to me and said: "What the hell are you watching?" Naturally I flipped the channel and said, "Nothing, I was just flipping through." That should say enought about this show. "Metalocalypse" is so utterly vile, so demented, so violent, that one has to be a little nutsy (or a massive metal fan) to be able to understand and enjoy it. I'm such a fan to this show that I even have the fictional band's real album-- Dethklok, the Dethablum. Pretty sad, huh?
#4 "Law and Order: SVU"
Kinda Like "CSI: Miami," Only No Horatio: And what kind of murder/rape-crime show is complete without Horatio, you ask? Well my answer is one that replaces him with Ice-T, Jayne Mansfield's daughter, a kinda-hot older dude, a gay Asian pychiatrist, Short-Skirt Lawyer Lady, and the most neurotic Jewish guy alive (right behind Woody Allen) Richard Belzer. This show is sometimes so self-righteous, so serious, that it makes fun of itself. But that's not what makes this a guilty pleasure. What makes this a guilty pleasure is the fact that when there's a marathon on USA, you have to watch. You just have to. And when you're done, the mentality you have is "Dude, I could totally get away with a crime now! I know exactly what not to do!" Admit it-- we've all thought that way at least once after watching a crime show.
#3 "America's Next Top Model"
FIERCE! Oh, Tyra Banks...where would we be today without your knowledge? You taught us how to "smile with your eyes" and how to be rockin' and fierce! You and your cohorts like the Jays gave us so many memorable lines, such as:
"Girl, work it like it's on sale and the rent is due tomorrow!"
Oh, and who can ever forget those ever-memorable Tyra freak outs? Like in Cycle 6 when you went ape-shit on Tiffany. Don't these skinny bitches know to never talk back to the Red Weave of Death? Oh, and the Jays-- the two most flamboyantly, flaming homosexuals in television history. How we love them. Mr. Jay with his fabulous Oompa-Loompa orange tan and silver hair and Miss J with his/her gorgeous walks and ghetto fabulosity. All this culminates into one big, fat, luxurious camp shake that we just enjoy slurping up. In fact, ANTM is so over-the-top, so self-righteous, so Tyra-centered, that's what makes it a fantastic guilty pleasure.
#2 Vintage Cartoons
How Did They Get Away With That? Remember those halcyon days of old? Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of Froot-Loops and your cartoon friends to keep you company...ah, yes, those were the good old days. Growing up, our generation had the best cartoons to go on: "Cow and Chicken," "Captain Planet," "Spongebob Squarepants," "Powerpuff Girls," "Batman: The Animated Series," "Johnny Bravo," "Dexter's Laboratory," "June Bugs," so on and so forth. But the great thing about these cartoons is that they're still funny to this day! I sat all Monday and watch a twenty-four hour "Powerpuff Girl" marathon and laughed my ass off the entire time. Of course, I'd never admit that to any of my fellow college students. The best part about old cartoons is that now that we're older, we catch subtle innuendos that we never would have when we were young. Some of the stuff in these cartoons just made me go "How the heck did they get away with that?"
#1 "Rock of Love With Bret Michaels"
Dirty, Dirty Awesomeness: What can I say? I love skanky hoes trying to get with an aging rock star with bad extensions! This show is so utterly terrible and vile that it is playing a key role in the downfall of Western civilation itself-- but it's so damn addictive! Over three seasons, we've had strippers, porn stars, rodeo girls, and "innocent" girls all vye for the heart of former Poison frontman Bret Michaels. Of course, there have been catfights. One or two girls may have been called a "d***sucker whorebag" on a few occasions. There have beens drunken debauches and many of those black-bar things scattered across bare boobs on-screen. And sure, after we watch it we feel as if we need a shower to wash off all the mainstream, corporate, mind-numbing dreck of it all. But man, we just wanna find out if Bret's ever gonna find true love or not. The utter stupidity and whoreishness of "Rock of Love" is what earns this show the number one spot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
